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Ugly Man Dance

by Nolan Stevens / 12.03.2012

No doubt about it, Joburg loves a rawl. But all the WWE Wrestling, XBOX combat games or Friday Action Night movies couldn’t prepare you for the intense brutality that was unleashed under Carnival City’s Big Top last week. And the only thing that’s left as proof of the furious pandemonium that was EFC AFRICA 12 are the few spots of blood, sweat and tears (ok, maybe not tears, these okes don’t roll like that) left on the hexagonal canvas.

Any MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fan will tell you that EFC AFRICA 12 was beyond epic. There were the usual testosterone driven threats and bucket loads of trash-talk between the fighters for weeks leading up to the big fight night. And the return of the gorgeous EFC Hectagon Girls sparked a range of “serious” conversations and meticulous analysis on a wide range of fan blogs. Invariably all the hype resulted in a night of intense arse-kicking. And believe me a lot of these guys saw their arses. But when all was said and done, and the big night arrived, it was easy to see why this venue was voted as one of the best MMA arenas in the world – The Big Top Arena barely managed to contain the explosive atmosphere.

EFC Africa

Not a single one of the main match ups went the distance. Which is actually a good thing for an MMA fight fan, because it means the fights were decided in the cage and only two of the thirteen brawls were left to the judges. There were TKO’s, and tap-outs a plenty. The highlights included the revenge match of the night between Raymond Ahana and Sean Robinson; that went to the Nigerian, Ahana. Then there was the heavyweight bout in which Donald Nzirawa inflicted possibly the most hardcore knock out that I’ve ever seen on Boyd Allen. But the fight everyone was looking out for was the Middleweight Championship fight between my boy, title holder, Garreth “Soldierboy” Mclellan and contender Jeremy “Pitbull” Smith. This fight was such an anticipated spectacle that Mclellan came out with his very own hypeman in the form of SA hip hop motor-mouth AKA. The brawl lasted a mere four minutes and 24 seconds into the third round. Where a new champ was crowned, very much against the tide of the fight. The Pitbull took the title with a guillotine choke hold. A move that looks worse than it sounds.

EFC Africa

If you missed out on all the beat downs or the luscious EFC ladies, here are a few crib notes to get you up to speed before EFC AFRICA 13 rolls around. Don’t expect the EFC AFRICA action to be a non-stop, all out street brawl. This is not a Mad Max style deathmatch, there are a couple of rules. These include: no biting, no hair pulling, no groin attacks of any kind, no head butting, no throwing an opponent out of the fenced area and certainly no throwing in the towel during a bout. The championship fights last a duration of five rounds, whilst non championship bouts go for three rounds. All rounds have a fixed time limit of five minutes. And most importantly, you need to watch your manners at an EFC bout. There are lots of amateur fight types, martial arts students and headbutt specialists in the crowd just waiting for you to spill your Slush Puppy on their Bronx shoes or mack on their special lady friend in the bikini holding up the round number. So play it cool when you go get your gore fix.

*EFC AFRICA (lucky number) 13 going down at the Grand West Casino, Grand Arena, Friday 13 April 2012.

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