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Voodoo Orgies and Rum Whores

by Mysto Writer, images by Johan Cronje / 23.09.2010

On the trail of a Hog: Part 2

The jungle parts, two gorgeous dancers emerge, a shaman stalks out from the undergrowth, he rams his voodoo stick into the middle of the stage – something bestial is about to begin – and then, with a guttural howl, Submachine erupt into an orgy of experimental punk.

The animals in the audience, urged by the shaman, lose their shit in seconds and a messy pit engulfs Cool Runnings in Victory Park. It’s like dual-percussion assault on your senses, a down-tempo dirty beauty that sends your ass grooving with unexpected guitar sounds and the tightest drum play ever. There is a healthy dash of neo-rockabilly to the Submachine madness and, according to Bruce Dickinson, just the right amount of cowbell. Ultimately, it’s the black-facepaint splattered percussionist and demon drummer that really blow your mind – at a point one of them is in the crowd, a floor tom up in the air, and he is punishing it with spectacular fury. Some might dismiss Submachine’s voodoo stage show as a gimmick, but they would be fools to do so, because, by fuck, it works – completes the band’s sound and sets them miles apart from the general pool of SA who-spilled-glue-on-stage outfits.

Gross Misconduct

In the break between the first act and Gross Misconduct, while people collect their limbs and guzzle drafts, one has time to take in the venue – and why the fuck don’t we have places like this in Cape Town? Bar, restaurant, solid stage and sound, decent backstage space, a good atmosphere – not too classy, not too trashy – and, most importantly, the will to host three punk bands. Hats off to Keith McKay from Chronic Events for organizing perhaps the best show I’ve been to all year.

There is something SoCal about Gross Misconduct, almost borderline Offspring-y, but harder, darker, more meaningful. Sadly, they are too bar-chord driven to display any real songwriting ability. At times they slip into faint post-hardcore and here the vocalist really gets to show off his range. The guy nurses perhaps the best voice on the SA stages at the moment – he goes pitch-perfect high, then easily drops to a hearty growl then levels it off with throat-tearing crustiness that guides and informs the band’s general feel. It is a let down that the rest of Gross Misconduct is not on the same level, both musically and in terms of stage presence. That being said, they are catchy enough not to bore you and hardcore enough to keep you at the stage, but after the Submachine carnival, it’s just not sufficient. The people love them though, so we are really just being cynical music journalists here.

After that, it’s all down a glorious booze-tinged hill – the Hogs lay waste, the dancefloor is a mass of churning bodies and then, like a phoenix, the song ‘Crack Whore’ is resurrected as the soundtrack for George Bacon pouring booze down the throats of the skanking half-sane monkeys. The night dissolves into a rum fueled bliss…

Hog Hoggidy Hog

*All images © Johan Cronje.

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  1. Max says:

    Andy, take this the fuck down, cuz it’s an embarassment

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  2. Jen says:

    who wrote this?

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  3. Brett says:

    Submachine? Voodo punk rock? I have not heard of this band. I will have a listen. There better be shrunken heads, that’s all I’m saying.

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  4. Anonymous says:

    submachine are not good enough

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  5. Anonymous says:

    gross misconduct would be better if their lead singer wasn’t such an arrogant dick.
    Sadly, this article will further add to that arrogance.

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  6. psychovoodooblacknoise! all the way. Think you underestimate Gross Misconducts bass player, he’s frikken awesome. perhaps he doesnt let go with them tho. But you should check him and the drummer when they go off together. Its beautiful

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  7. Psychovoodooblacknoise being the correct term for submachines genre..

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  8. MarkMisconduct says:

    wow Brutal review…Thanks Cami For having our backs as to anonymous….if you haev something to say to me you should say it to my face and maybe get to know me before you start throwing accusations and bashing my personality…and dont be such a coward why dont you put your name up…Doosh

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  9. Anonymous says:

    This is KAK!!!
    Go learn some Ef’n music man!!!


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  10. TeganDavies says:

    Ha ha, so much to say but no balls to put your name to it. Mark, I wouldn’t take it to heart.

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  11. Anonymous says:

    “Sadly, they are too bar-chord driven to display any real songwriting ability” Pshshshshsh…Are you serious? Will let the critics do their jobs i guess…like wright bullshit instead of music.

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  12. Brett Rogers says:

    Gross misconduct, fantastic. Submachine amazing.

    The Rum by the way was SAILOR JERRY!!

    A mention pleeeassse, makes my job easier 🙂

    Anonymous… is a douche.

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  13. Anonymous says:

    This is sadly very sadly written by a critic, not journalist, one which knows fuck all about music, and fuck all about building a scene…

    so fuck off idiot

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  14. Brett Rogers says:

    this shit is hilarious

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  15. George Bacon says:

    I don’t get all the animosity in the comments, the writer of this article clearly said that this was the best show he’d been to all year and that he liked all the bands… or is that why people are angry?

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  16. Brett Rogers says:

    well said mr bacon…

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  17. Max says:

    Brett – i did mention Sailor Jerry, the last line in my version read ‘the night dissolves in a Sailor Jerry fueled bliss’…editors… 🙂

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  18. Brett Rogers says:


    maybe we have a had a bit too much exposure on mahala for their liking 🙂

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  19. Voodoo Dude says:

    Fucking wicked ass artickle and big up’s to Mr Bacon and the Legendary Hoggs! Rocking out even with the worst hangovers in the world!!!

    I see a Voodoo stick going up some dude’s arse real soon!

    Many thanks to Mr Brett and Sailor Jerry for the support and Punk in Drublickness!

    Psycho Voodoo coming at ya beeatch!

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  20. Carol Reed says:

    Your editors were right. That Sailor Jerry rum would have been waaaaayy too cock sucky.

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  21. Carol Reed says:

    *That Sailor Jerry LINE would have been…. etc

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  22. Andy says:

    I’m proud to say I edited that Sailor Jerry line out. No need for such blatant product endorsement. We all know which brand of rum is the preferred beverage of Mr Barashenkov.

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  23. dude says:

    just found this article now… pretty rad…

    i myself play for misconduct and still find it rather commendable to be honest, bands need to know what peeps see, i think it’s a good thing…

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  24. Simon says:

    The cynicism in this review is based on the tin-eared utterances of an apprentice in an online magazine. QED.

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  25. Penii says:

    Fuck your hand, I’m sure when I wipe the cum off your mother’s mouth I could write a better article with my penis.

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