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The Sif Ous

The Sif Ous

by Mahala Correspondent, images by Kevin Goss-Ross / 14.07.2010

You know it’s a slow news day when your editor asks you to write an introduction to an interview with The Sif Ous, purveyors of trashy rap that has an adolescent death metal like obsession with sex and violence. It’s hard to tell if the Sif Ous are seriously bad musicians or just taking the piss. What I do know is that they like to sing about piss and other bodily fluids. They once got asked not to perform at an art exhibition celebrating bad art because the artist thought they were too bad. They’re from Durban, which if you think about it, makes perfect sense.

Mahala: Hi there. Can you put some pants on? Thanks. So… what does ‘sif’ mean to you guys?

SINISTER: I have no idea. These ou’s made it up, I didn’t even want to be in this crappy band. I hate rap music.

POINT FIVE: It’s not a band, it’s a goddamn way of life. People think we’re rappers, but we’ve created something new here, something magical… something the pre-pubescent schoolgirls comprising the majority of our fan base have termed “Sif Hop”. It’s disgusting, it’s offensive and it’s so wildly different from anything the world has seen before I don’t even think it can be considered music. People ain’t ready for this sheeit, yo.

APATHETIC: I’m not a guy.

Mahala: Okay then… but would you guys say that you’re still “keeping it real”?

POINT FIVE: No, we’re keeping it sif.

SINISTER: Saying “keep it real” is a load of hairy panda balls. If you’re “keeping it real”, it means you have no imagination and probably sound the same as everyone else. Reality continues to relentlessly ruin my life, so I find make-believe to be a far more comforting world to exist in.

APATHETIC: Can I have some milk?

Mahala: Who or what would you consider your influences to be?

SINISTER: Musically, everything from Leonard Cohen to Rammstein. Mostly balladeers of some sort or another… and strangely, very little rap music.

APATHETIC: My influences? The psycho-sexual and socio-political climate of a changing world and its shifting perceptions of music; I find myself inspired by this pseudo-ego, glamour-glossed zeitgeist of an industry that has prostituted itself so completely and willingly to the MTVomit generation it no longer remembers what it looks like because there’s so much glitterspit make-up smeared on its face.

Also, rohypnol and scat pornography.

POINT FIVE: Abba, Diana Ross, Chaka Khan, the Vengaboys and Your Mom.

SINISTER: Oh ja, I also like the Vengaboys. They made a beat for us one time.

Mahala: Please put your pants back on. Any advice for young MC’s and musicians out there?

APATHETIC: Listen to your mom and don’t do drugs unless they’re on prescription.

POINT FIVE: Waarheid. Keep rapping, follow the dream. There’s nothing better than getting up on stage, hands shaking and sweaty round the mic, lips dry, throat sticky, mind blank, shit running down your trouser leg because you’re so goddamned nervous you think you’re gonna faint…..

SINISTER: Quit the game. It’s not worth the stress. Watching your back the whole time, sleeping with one eye open, checking over your shoulder for ou’s trying to get in a quick piece o’ sodomy… Man, if the game doesn’t kill you the syphilis almost certainly will.

And those are the Sif Ou’s… a daring testimony to the direction rap music might be taking, or simply a bunch of potty-mouthed losers who’ll never cut it on any sort of real music scene?

All images © Kevin Goss-Ross

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RESPONSES (41)
  1. Sara says:

    Kevin, always love your photos, you should direct movies!

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  2. Anonymous says:

    Insane Clown Posse – Just Another Crazy Clique

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  3. Oh says:

    Adolescent.

    /thread

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  4. Lizzy says:

    bless. photos shot in the smallest living space in the world. but where is the music?

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  5. Lizzy says:

    sorry. ‘music’.

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  6. creepy steve says:

    no talk of the current ep no band history sorry mahala correspondant this is bullshit. this act deserve so much more

    “simply a bunch of potty-mouthed losers who’ll never cut it on any sort of real music scene?”
    point five said it might not even be considered music and who does make it in any scene? jack parrow? novelty act afrikaans bullshit! the sifou’s are for real and rap about things we can understand and relate to like
    “fist fuck dakota fanning while sippin on a brew. tear her gooch to add some zest to that nubile flesh, stick my dick into her developing breasts, no hymen left to speak off, shit and piss is what she reeks off!”

    up your game rodger

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  7. Anonymous says:

    I love the smell of regression in the morning…

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  8. Pot Filler says:

    Yoh… those lyrics are mega sif… and didn’t they write a song about Creepy Steve?

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  9. Oh says:

    “fist fuck dakota fanning while sippin on a brew. tear her gooch to add some zest to that nubile flesh, stick my dick into her developing breasts, no hymen left to speak off, shit and piss is what she reeks off!”

    Cage did shit like this in ’98

    Take a L

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  10. Bobson says:

    Yeah im gonna have to go with the creep on this one ey… Really crap interview… The sif is so much more than a rap group, and i think that if the dude or girl who wrote this had even bothered to listen to one of the many great songs these guys have come up with, this would have been a much better article. I mean cmon, you didnt even quote their lyrics! These guys arent trying to make a living out of music, theyr just a couple of whack mc’s getting pissed and having fun, and think thats something that almost every durban musician can relate to. To quote one of my favourite sif tracks… “We cant rap, we just talk shit on tracks…”

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  11. Ubuntu Bob says:

    Let’s file this under ‘crap articles that Mahala writers are too embarrassed to put their names on”

    Thank god for Goss-Ross, these pictures totally made up for it.

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  12. Andy says:

    OK we will endeavour to do better with the Sif Ous next time.

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  13. creepy steve says:

    @ OH: yea the sifou’s do take it back to 98′ ahh heady times
    days before the national sex offenders registry, when a blow job cost two chappies
    stop me if i’m reminiscing

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  14. Doctor L. says:

    Who’s who in the pictures?

    Kind of interesting…is there a link to their music somewhere on the internet?

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  15. the makeout tramp says:

    ‘reality continues to relentlessly ruin my life’ – the sif ous

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  16. The Sinister says:

    The irony (that many of these people seem to be missing), is that we interviewed ourselves. And we still manage to look like offensively talentless bastards.

    “A crushing defeat, a bloodrushing of weakness
    clutching at the sheet, cunt gushing on penis
    I’m rubbing my meat while discussing Jesus
    You’re lunching on beans, I’m crunching a foetus”

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  17. The Sinister says:

    Follow this link and assault your aurals with our audio brutality. If your ears don’t bleed, we’ll give you a free album.

    http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/control_room/sif?subnav=profile_songs&tab=profile

    I recommend “Fuck Me Or Fuck Off”; “Hollywood Be Thy Name”; “Wigga”; “The Shit”… and if you fancy a very romantic lady-number where we don’t swear at all, check out “Dusty Love Letters”.

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  18. Andy says:

    Thanks The Sinister… I didn’t want to let on how unprofessional we are letting William E. Pineapples interview his own band… Weird duality when he had to answer his own questions. Almost disappeared up your own poephol there.

    We’ll get it together to send a proper journalist like Creepy Steve or Roger Young to give this piece the critical distance it deserves..

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  19. The Sinister says:

    No, wait, shit, that wasn’t the one either. This is the real link:

    http://www.reverbnation.com/sif

    Andy, the fact that you actually allowed this piece of self-indulgent drivel to be published here in your little cyber-rag-mag is testimony to your consummate professionalism. On behalf of the Sif Ou’s, I’d like to say a very big thank you and perhaps we can get together sometime for a beer and a bit of wholesome bumsex.

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  20. creepy steve says:

    hahahahaha i like the alternate option of sending around a “proper journo”
    i thought you were trying to mask mahala’s lack of professionalism
    sorry rodger i might have been a little harsh assuming it was your flop
    but it definatly fits with in calibre of your writing

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  21. Andy says:

    Hey that’s the last time I buy beers!

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  22. Baby G says:

    Fuck these ou’s.

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  23. Jesus' Bitch says:

    I am a born again christian of 10 years now. My only day to day goal being, to stay out of the evil clutches of men like these three extremely sexy hunks of man flesh. The past 10 years of celibacy have been difficult, but I’m telling you now. If I run into any one of these guys, I am dropping to my knees and sucking like a coke whore in Colombia.

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  24. The Sinister says:

    Wow, I’m also a reborn God-botherer. We should get together and have brutal, deviant sex.

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  25. alice says:

    does anyone else think alistair is kind of smokin hot?

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  26. Misha says:

    Kind Of????

    let’s just go with TOTALLY!

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  27. alice says:

    yummy alistair can i call you ali and make you eggs in the morning? and you can whisper in my ear all the disgusting things you sif ous think about? i won’t mind, i’ll plait your shiny hair while you probably say something like “fuck off you cold-hearted whore” but i’ll know that what you really mean is “darling alice my life was empty before i met you” and you’ll storm off probably to write a poem about me! <3

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  28. alice says:

    and have you noticed our names match? isn’t that cute? and by cute i mean written in the stars.

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  29. Desiree says:

    i believe with all my heart that kevin goss’ ross’ pictures are the only reason they interviewed themselves, they had to use them, and they had to make it beefy. with msg.

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  30. Anonymous says:

    The Sif Ous, really? Riding the common wave hey.

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  31. Tash says:

    OOooH ali i knw hm he studyz wId me.
    hes rly cute bt kiNda eMo

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  32. Sif Ous' BIGGEST FAN! says:

    Anonymous. You don’t know what you’re talkin bout. Ofcourse there are people who done “it” before, as with every form of art. The difference being that nobody does it like the Sif Ous and the Sif Ous don’t do it like anybody else. “riding the common wave” Fuck off you twat, one could say the same thing about almost every music act in history. Every musician/ genre borrows from previous musicians/ genres to make their own unique sound. Yes people like Cage, Necro, Ill Bill, etc, have done it before, but Sif Ous’ sound and direction is totally different to theirs and unique to themselves. All the haters can go suck an Aids infested hobo dick. Please can you ous gig more! Mwah! P.s. I must say, this article should’ve been much better.

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  33. The Sinister says:

    Sif Ous’ Biggest Fan, you wanna be in the band?

    Alastair is not hot, he’s SIF. That’s why he’s in a crew called the SIF Ou’s. See?

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  34. Witblitz says:

    are you people serious? this is the worst shit ive ever heard. dudes cant rap, beats stink, recordings suck. wak. if you’re taking the time to have interviews and shit u obviously want to get somewhere with this. so do it right. fuck. necro been doing this kinda porn/death rap stuff for years and it gets a bit old. but at least he could rhyme! and make decent beats!

    wow wat a waste of 2 minutes of my life.

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  35. witblitz_raped_me says:

    ^^ 🙁

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  36. Mr. Sif says:

    ”Sif Ou’s rock, all the rest suck COCK.”

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  37. Sarah Kate Cummins says:

    Those photo’s are SHIT!

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  38. The HAm says:

    Oh what a nice bunch of gentlemen ,
    they seem so well educated and cultured , how I would be delighted to have cup of tea with them sometime , and talk about the arts .

    Pity they a bunch of pussies from the burbs in Durbs
    words …….

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  39. Uncle says:

    Get fake why don’t you………. shock tactics will get you no where fast, but you will realize that when you wipe the Crap from your bleeding eyes

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  40. Al Funk says:

    “All the haters can go suck an Aids infested hobo dick” lol. Totally ironic considering the other new article on Aids in Mahala.

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