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The Gardens of Earthly Delight

The Gardens of Earthly Delight

by Montle Moorosi, pics by JR Onyangunga & Justin McGee / 17.10.2009

We sent Montle, JR and McGee to review Rocking The Gardens, three weeks later we get this. Oh and beware, SNL, bad language, abusive comments etc..

Rocking the Gardens! If the name of this jol isn’t bad enough, one would be unrealistically optimistic to expect any person of fairly decent tastes to pay any atention to the line up of bands which included such stellar acts as Just Jinger and Gang of Instrumentals. If Just Jinger was going to play then I find it surprising that David Kramer or Wonderboom wasn’t invited. Nor was Jeremy Taylor there to croon our panties off with, “Ag Pleez deddy won’t you take us to the drive in.”

Staged

White people are generally fairly crazy, one old white lady who looked like a 64 year old Portugeuse waitress from Rosettenville stuck her finger into JR’s mouth and said, “I like you guys, can I hang out with you? Can you guys dance? Of course you can, you’re black!”

Tequila tickles McGee's man-gina

Tequila tickles McGee's man-gina

Without tequila I would have been prety suicidal if not homocidal, but after this jol I think I’ve seen it all; the pretty, the ugly, the inexplicable, the unspoken, the broken, everything that Johannesburg has to offer.

Mr Bean?

I think that’s Rowan Atkinson (Mr.Bean), apparently he’s in South Africa working on his new project about dodgy clowns in 3 world countries?

Beamers

I can almost guarantee you that these distinguished women’s husbands’ all have gold teeth, if not a fleet of BMW 325i’s. I wish the lady in blue on the right was my mom.

Underworld

Here’s another Johannesburg underworld figure, word around town is that he’s a waiter at Spur and downright rotten son of a bitch with an intense hate for ceasar salad dressing and anything which isn’t barbeque.

Midget

I love short, sexy, tanned white girls, I really do. But when she has her mouth open like she’s waiting for God to take a piss in it, I don’t know whether I want to get baptised again or just a have a plain old fashion wank.

Vlakplaas

This reminds me of Vlaakplaas circa 1987,Eugene De Cock, Dirk Coetzee, Chappies Klopper, Krappies Engelbrecht, Brood Van Heerden, a couple of dead Askari’s in the back being burnt inside a potjie. THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

Mcgee

“You take her by the legs and I’ll take her round the neck… she’s keen.” – Justin McGee

Speculum

Dude’s got a bottle squashed up against his nuts like a speculum. When JR takes pictures like this, I become worried about him and his mental health.

jr_effect

You’ve heard of the Axe Effect, well this is the JR Effect.

dress-up

Why do white people feel the need to dress up silly when they drink? Does it in any way make your experience more pleasurable knowing that there are people like me out there who will always say you look like Avril Lavigne’s gay retarded older brothers?

Cockblocker

Some people call him a cock blocker, but most magistrates and judges would call him a, “kak dodgy oke”.

Ku Klux

You know what? The Klu Klux Klan are actually quite friendly, they called me, “buddy” and even showed me how to use a burning cross not only as a method of intimidation but also as an entertaining way to braai.

Batgirl

Mahala’s dark haired she-devil and part time contributor escalates matters and hands out some bitch slaps to smurfette.

Hunter

This guy’s name is Hunter from that other band that’s not quite as kak as Just Jinger. Check the blue demon tongue from playing the devil’s music.

Snake

I think this guy plays the triangle for Gang of Instrumentals or something.

Kebble & Co

Fact: Montle Moorosi went to St Andrews Bloemfontein, my alma mater are Brett Kebble and Glenn Agliotti, and a whole lot of other guys with murder charges. Watch this space.

Good Times Mafia

“Hi julle!”

Drive Fast

All images © and courtesy JR Onyangunga and Justin McGee

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RESPONSES (10)
  1. bubba Hotep says:

    Man Montle is fuhnee. Give him his own show stat. Stat I tell ya. Stat.

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  2. Andy says:

    Man, you should see some of the shit I wasn’t brave enough to publish…

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  3. Torquemada says:

    Brought a tear to my eye. Just beautiful.

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  4. horsehair says:

    Oh Montle! My body is SO hungry!
    I have explained to my father how deep our love is, he agrees you are the perfect son in law, you will not need to pay lobola.. Please say yes please papa. Ngi yaku thanda!

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  5. Alternative-kid says:

    Montle I think this gig did not agitate you enough, you should review more hip-hop gigs they seem to tickle your revolt more than rock gigs. (-_*)

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  6. neo says:

    “hi julle” classic 🙂

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  7. Black Dutch says:

    GEEZUS BRU THAT LITTL GEEZER IS GOT A TAMPOND RASH WITH HIDDEN GENDERS, U SHOULD C HEY WHEN HE DOES THAT “SSJEET BOET” WHEN HE GETSS THERE @ THE JOL EY….

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  8. urbanmosadi says:

    I am a fan 🙂

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  9. stickler says:

    The phrase ‘alma mater’ is used completely incorrectly in the second last caption.

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  10. Kontlap says:

    Moorosizer, number 1 top shotta on Mahala right now!

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