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Short Chubby Goths

Short Chubby Goths

by Roger Young, images by Duran Levinson / 01.07.2010

I love short chubby goth chicks; the skinny ones are always so uptight and, if last Friday night at ROAR was anything to go by, a little punchy as well. Downstairs, in the Gandalf’s foose room, the walls are thick with the condensation of teenage defeats. The mallgoths and private school punks crowd around the edges of the dancefloor fist pumping to Die Antwoord and Fokof tracks, occasionally something older comes along, like a crap top twenty The Cure track and they sway, holding their jug specials, in what they imagine to be some sort of retro ironic knowing.

It’s not like I never danced ironically to the songs my parents told me remind me of their youth but it’s embarrassing to watch, so I move on, crawling upstairs to find that AB Turbo have started. I go down front to watch but they’re messy and I can’t get into it, so I go back to the bar to watch from a distance and silently judge them. The best things about AB Turbo are their drummer and Brett Allen-White’s hair. They’re the only two things that aren’t sloppy and all over the place. They play their shouty hard rock as if it’s rote, done, boring; even if they’re having fun onstage it’s doesn’t seem like they’re playing because of the music. By the time they get to that song they just made a music video of I’ve lost interest, mainly because I’ve discovered a pretty tall-ish non-goth who seems a little insane and is either going to kill me later in the alley or disappoint me completely. I glance over at another journo’s notes on the AB Turbo set, he’s going to be less kind than I just was, I feel relief.

In the queue to the one functional men’s toilet I overhear some dude saying: “You should have been here last night, we had to share toilets with the girls!” in some sort of awe. Clearly he never went to a co-ed school or has ever actually seen breasts. No wonder he’s emo. The staff at Gandalf’s are the people the mallgoths think they wish they could be; a kind of resignation on their faces as they serve you; somehow I get the feeling that they’re glad they need money so badly that they have to work here, rather than be bored and desperate enough to come here. Except for the longhair behind the wood bar; a thousand teen speculations must be made weekly about him and his over enthusiastic smiling maniac nature.

Captain Stu belt through their set, so tight, so good, except for James, the lead singer who stepped up to the plate after they lost their former lead singer nearly a year ago and still hasn’t actually stepped up to the plate. There is something in the accordion manner that the Stu’s bounce through their songs and around on stage that grabs me always, but James doesn’t pull it through, his voice is howly and doesn’t seem to have the punch to anchor it. It doesn’t really get in the way of Capt Stu’s rock-ish ska, but it doesn’t enhance it either. It’s all okay anyway because I’ve found a chubby goth who will be my friend and we sing the words anyway as we dancefloor fling ourselves about and I stare at her breasts.

Apparently there’s a pseudo gangsta rap song out there about people who drink at Gandalf’s every night, all the people who drink at Gandalf’s every night seem to know about it. But it’s like anything, the moment people are talking about the moment they’re in rather than being in it, I get suspicious, there is a sort of fake posy-ness to a large section of the crowd here, like a PG version of a proper goth dive. I spot the tall crazy eyed girl and I ask her if she’s going to hurt me and she punches me in the ribs, repeatedly. She looks like Constantia trash but she punches like Bonteheuvel royalty. And then I’m trying to work out if the two girls with identical peroxide blonde hair with a pink streak are sisters, lovers or just stupid.

Enmity just fuck with my head. They play the kind of music that I can’t stomach; yet I love them. I don’t know if it’s their total joy, the complete fun they’re having, Alaine’s multi tonal screaming or the paradigm shift it takes to process Chloe’s vocals along with the rest of the super technical metal-core shit they’re throwing out. James is then telling me off to the side about a “ball of thrush” he once discovered and I’m trying to find the punchy girl and somehow some other girl is punching me.

It’s getting late and the population on the dance floor is swinging toward reality; the kids are going home and the real trash is manifesting. There is a girl with a large breasts and a big nose who is squint in a really interesting way, she seems to be looking at my stomach and my left ear, the bar staff have become the customers and I’m liking and not liking this place all at once. It ends with samoosas, of course, and as I watch the one tattoo’d-to-the-hilt, well-scrubbed kid get into his mom’s Mercedes, I think to myself that these kids, they think they got all the answers, they just don’t know yet there are no answers, they don’t understand my envy but their confidence in their youth is all the genius they possess.

All images © Duran Levinson.

10   15
RESPONSES (97)
  1. hmmm says:

    what a desperately condescending review.

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  2. also says:

    you got some of the names / spelling wrong in the article. should do some of that ‘research’ and correct it.

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  3. L says:

    So, Roger Young is THE critic to fear when it comes to live music? Hmmm.

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  4. also says:

    the impression roger young gives is that his little mahala project has started leaking too much of himself. I bet he thinks ‘Mahala’ when looking in the mirror.
    Using this article as an example, but not the only one: The natural life cycle of a glamourized review blog starts with good intentions, avoids stepping on toes, makes new friends, reviews ‘Die Antwoord’, gets a big head and then starts getting ‘critical’ which really means someone suddenly thinking their opinions have weight.
    But shamefully so. Cause the critical aspects seem to show more about the authors desperate attempt to distance himself from those he deems not up to his cool factor. Without offering any of that constructive stuff.
    Instead we hear multiple references to the fat squint girls who are hitting on roger. Or perhaps he percieves them to be hitting on him when they grind past his ass at the bar (and it’s not hard, cause his isn’t small either).
    I dont know what roger does for fun, but based on this one can only assume he parties, hard, at assembly, with tight jeans, v-necks and much cocaine.
    I especially like rogers parting thoughts where we lets the world know that these kids dont have the answers but maybe one day they will be cool like roger and magically get granted these answers (apparently the answer is ‘be trendy. mahala will help you find your niche on that sliding scale, because we are the pioneers of scene’).

    Who is roger young? Why does he like fat squint girls and skew Z’s? I do not know, but i should probably be partying with this guy if i want to get anywhere in life.

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  5. @also says:

    hahaha, shame why so mad?

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  6. Misanthropic Panda says:

    I don’t know whether I enjoyed the piece or the comments more.

    Good reading.

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  7. Matt says:

    @Also so which band member’s dick are you sucking?

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  8. Wooof says:

    The article is an acurate reflection of a night out reviewing bands in general – if the details isnt acurate … it’s fine, it doesnt matter.

    Rodger tells it how it is….thats reporting.

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  9. Anonymous says:

    @also

    Spot on..except for the coke…that is so not cool anymore…I would suspect that his poison would be Whoonga…Roger is probably giving that a puff…which I can easily believe – especially considering the the quality of his “reviews” and it may also also explain the squint fat girl fetish

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  10. Roger Young says:

    Can’t you people fucking read? The squint girl was not fat. fucksakes.

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  11. Anonymous says:

    @woof

    sure, its reporting. but we’re reading this article because the bands on stage are cooler than rogers ‘advertures’ when out on the town. BTW: I’m not sure if going to a bar, observing fat girls but getting punched by skinny ones (yeah roger, you get all the quality pussy too, we get you. although i guess i’ve been getting punched by girls since the second grade. i’d say that made me dirty, but i think the last time it happened was probably third grade), going for a wee where kids report on unisexual toilet activities (quite possibly a story in there much more ‘adventurous’ than rogers, who so many times removed from the cool core of that story that he ‘reports’ kids talking about the incident while they too, have a wee), buying some drinks, and ending the night off in style with a samoosa.

    it’s quality stuff you are right. that is ‘reporting’. he has acurately documented with a boring, narscisitic and quietly judgmental fella he is.

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  12. Stumpy says:

    @Anonymous

    Pray tell, what is the “cool core of that story”?

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  13. Anonymous says:

    and again, @Woof:

    “The article is an ACCURATE reflection of a night out reviewing bands in general – IF THE DETAILS ISNT ACCURATE … it’s fine, IT DOESN’T MATTER.

    Rodger tells it how it is….THATS REPORTING.”

    You’ll see I retyped some of your quote there for you in caps. I even corrected (some of) your spelling. I just want to thank you for weighing in with this quality supportive input for the work roger does. it sums it all up quite nicely.
    i’m glad he has you in his camp. go team roger. clearly here to WIN.

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  14. Roger Young says:

    Okay, what are the details I got wrong, besides Brett Allen White’s name?

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  15. Bob says:

    I love whenever Roger writes an article, it’s at least a day’s worth of entertainment.

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  16. Anonymous says:

    @Stumpy:

    In a venue as dingy, dirty and dark as roger has described, just cause he’s only hearing through the grapevine of unisex potential, doesn’t mean he’s the only one who is only making grumpy comments about it weeks later.
    Who comes off worse? The kids talking about sharing a bathroom with girls (would have rated pretty high on my scale of news from The Puberty Daily back in the day, I can tell you); or the guy writing about two kids talking about sharing toilets with girls on his fancy review blog on the internet?

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  17. Stumpy says:

    Gandalf’s checks ID’s, no pubescents are allowed in. so, ja, how cool is it for not pubescents to be talking like pubescents? by 20, the goths I know have already got children they’ve abandoned.

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  18. Lizzy says:

    quite right Bob, loads of people would have nothing to do all day if Roger wrote ‘classy’, analytical and considered articles all the time. c’mon you fellas love to make a fuss and would sorely miss the opportunity if it were gone!

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  19. Gandalf says:

    Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee. Have you been eavesdropping?

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  20. Anonymous says:

    @Stumpy:
    If the goths you know have been getting laid by 20, it’s because they’ve been going to Gandalfs.
    And probably conceiving in the very bathroom roger was playing disgruntled ‘reporter’ in.
    AND!
    @Gandalf:
    You win best comment. probably, for like, the whole week.

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  21. Pots Filter says:

    So much hate for Roger… but I thought this review was actually pretty good. He talks about the bands, he describes the scene and puts across his thoughts quite eloquently. He doesn’t try to divorce himself from his thoughts and be objective. We actually need more of this. It’s quite progressive actually.

    A lot of the people who seem to take offense to this – Anonymous, Also et al.. seem to do it from a sense of envy, of being passed over – they can’t really substantiate why they dislike the review, or the reviewer, or the website, but are happy to stoop to low blows to get their rage across. Without ever giving their name, or engaging in an actual discussion or debate. That’s basically the equivalent of saying – “you fucking rule man. I love your shit. I wish I had written that. I wish Mahala would come to me for reviews. I’m clever. I can write like that. Why am I marginalised. I wish I had your life and was not stuck in this job writing PR for Nedbank. I fucking hate you. Asshole!”

    Keep it up.

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  22. Croaky says:

    @ Also, who died and made you the critics critic, could you possibly be a bigger prick than what you sound like trashing the writer of this article?

    It’s glaringly obvious that you have personal issues with him, do us all a favour and keep that crap to yourself, your whining is better suited to the ears of bored waxers at cheap beauty parlours.

    Roger, shot for telling it like you see it, not everybody wants to hear glamourised fiction by groupies.

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  23. Anonymous says:

    You know those people who shout “You’re the Man!!!” during golf tournaments? I think Roger has a little one of those on his shoulder. Come to think of it…maybe on the other shoulder he has one that shouts “Get in the hole!!!” I don’t know. He is definitely getting good training if he bothers to read our sometimes inane/sometimes relevant commentary.

    I think he should forget Nathan Zeno and change his moniker to…I am the Walrus…FYI. The skin of the walrus can be as thick as 4cm with the blubber sitting at around 15cm…they also lack external ears…have an air sack under their throat…and if the general tone of his writing is anything to go by, he will be able to really advertise this…a baculum that is up to 63cm “in length, the largest of any land mammal, both in absolute size and relative to body size.”

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  24. Jus' Sayin' says:

    That foosball table photograph is the best thing about this post.

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  25. Bob says:

    BREAK THE DAMN HOLD!!!
    That was fucking funny.

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  26. Roger Young says:

    @Anon, the commentary comes into the inbox. I read all of it. Because sometimes it IS relevant, (And if I have been accused of being factually incorrect, i like to get the corrections) I like to think (sometimes incorrectly) that I can take what I dish out.

    Also it is a well known fact that I have an incredibly small penis.

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  27. Pots Filter says:

    Anonymous just keeps digging. Slow day at Nedbank?

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  28. Anonymous says:

    Walruses also only live to be 20-30 years old in the wild…so they never get the chance to look down their noses at the way young’uns are spending their time.

    THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER

    by: Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)

    HE sun was shining on the sea,
    Shining with all his might;
    He did his very best to make
    The billows smooth and bright–
    And this was odd, because it was
    The middle of the night.

    The moon was shining sulkily,
    Because she thought the sun
    Had got no business to be there
    After the day was done–
    “It’s very rude of him,” she said,
    “To come and spoil the fun!”

    The sea was wet as wet could be,
    The sands were dry as dry.
    You could not see a cloud, because
    No cloud was in the sky;
    No birds were flying overhead–
    There were no birds to fly.

    The Walrus and the Carpenter
    Were walking close at hand;
    They wept like anything to see
    Such quantities of sand–
    “If this were only cleared away,”
    They said, “it would be grand!”

    “If seven maids with seven mops
    Swept it for half a year,
    Do you suppose,” the Walrus said,
    “That they could get it clear?”
    “I doubt it,” said the Carpenter,
    And shed a bitter tear.

    “O Oysters, come and walk with us!”
    The Walrus did beseech.
    “A Pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
    Along the briny beach;
    We cannot do with more than four,
    To give a hand to each.”

    The eldest Oyster looked at him,
    But never a word he said;
    The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
    And shook his heavy head–
    Meaning to say he did not choose
    To leave the oyster-bed.

    But four young Oysters hurried up,
    All eager for the treat;
    Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
    Their shoes were clean and neat–
    And this was odd, because, you know,
    They hadn’t any feet.

    Four other Oysters followed them,
    And yet another four;
    And thick and fast they came at last,
    And more, and more, and more–
    All hopping through the frothy waves,
    And scrambling to the shore.

    The Walrus and the Carpenter
    Walked on a mile or so,
    And then they rested on a rock
    Conveniently low–
    And all the little Oysters stood
    And waited in a row.

    “The time has come,” the Walrus said,
    “To talk of many things:
    Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
    Of cabbages — and kings —
    And why the sea is boiling hot–
    And whether pigs have wings.”

    “But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried,
    “Before we have our chat;
    For some of us are out of breath,
    And all of us are fat!”
    “No hurry!” said the Carpenter.
    They thanked him much for that.

    “A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said,
    “Is what we chiefly need;
    Pepper and vinegar besides
    Are very good indeed–
    Now, if you’re ready, Oysters dear,
    We can begin to feed.”

    “But not on us!” the Oysters cried,
    Turning a little blue.
    “After such kindness, that would be
    A dismal thing to do!”
    “The night is fine,” the Walrus said.
    “Do you admire the view?”

    “It was so kind of you to come!
    And you are very nice!”
    The Carpenter said nothing but,
    “Cut us another slice.
    I wish you were not quite so deaf–
    I’ve had to ask you twice!”

    “It seems a shame,” the Walrus said,
    “To play them such a trick.
    After we’ve brought them out so far,
    And made them trot so quick!”
    The Carpenter said nothing but,
    “The butter’s spread too thick!”

    “I weep for you,” the Walrus said;
    “I deeply sympathize.”
    With sobs and tears he sorted out
    Those of the largest size,
    Holding his pocket-handkerchief
    Before his streaming eyes.

    “O Oysters,” said the Carpenter,
    “You’ve had a pleasant run!
    Shall we be trotting home again?”
    But answer came there none–
    And this was scarcely odd, because
    They’d eaten every one.

    A good reason for anonimity…even an injured walrus is a formidable opponent for a polar bear, and direct attacks are rare.

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  29. Andy says:

    Another Mahala comment spat… woo hoo!

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  30. Roger Young says:

    You know how when you cut and paste something long without reading it?
    Well, when you post it no one reads it.

    You make a 3 false assumptions though.
    A: that I somehow need or desire anonymity
    B: that I look down my nose at the young’uns because they’re young.
    and C: That I look down my nose at all the “young’uns”

    Anyway it’s after two, isn’t lunch break over?

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  31. nu-uh says:

    I think that for once, a reporter has bitten the bullet and actually said what we were all thinking.

    Way too many bands are walking around this city with a sense of false hope and an over played ego just because they can strum and instrument ‘so-so’ and they are well known in one stupid club in observatory. If you get a bad review, or your friend did, get over it and try look at yourselves for once rather than a writer stating his honest opinion.

    Nothing in this world is sugar coated, why should Rogers article be any different just to make you feel better?

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  32. Croaky says:

    My comment above can be applied to Anonymous too.

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  33. Anonymous says:

    RE: Cut & paste – You are quite right. Long. But pertinent.

    A. I was actually commenting on the reasons for my anonimity.
    B. Sorry. Can’t agree
    C. Yes. I agree. But the how you choose the new idols…there be the gist.

    The recession knows no lunch break

    Finally…FYI

    E.G. http://www.nme.com/reviews/the-dead-weather/10368

    Yes – NME is not quite the greatest but the live reviews do get to the point. True the writers do have a slightly different level of material to review.

    Surely tales of the writer’s evening, or the dissection of the crowd on their own trend-meter should be secondary to the actual music in a gig review? Maybe this is not a gig review? I do not know.

    None the less. Thank you for doing something. RSA really lacks in this type of “thing”

    To be really honest. Giving you a hard time does fill the void and is probably a major reason for my vitriol.

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  34. YOU ALL BORE ME says:

    christ almighty these comments board people are dull and uninformed. and clearly unexposed to actual music journalism. it’s not SL magazine you precious little shits, and it’s not sycophantic ‘heat’ either, in which anything that anyone is producing locally gets praised. which is actually worse for south africa’s reputation – they treat us like the mongoloid sibling of nine strapping and able-bodied other kids. is this the special olympics? if you boyfriend/special pal is in one of these bands you’re actually patronising them by not allowing them honest review. it’s ACTUALLY insulting. can you see that, “also”? giving asides about the people there or the bathroom set-up is appropriate for this context and clearly the actual bands didn’t warrant much more thought than they were already given. if you knew the most very basic elements of gonzo journalism, which is what this site sort of goes for (and which evolved with hs thompson at rolling stone – look it up on wikipedia, if it doesn’t ring a bell).
    attacking the reviewer because your fave 4EVA garage band is a bit unremarkable is about as fucking lame as it gets. what is amazing is that roger keeps writing for what is clearly such a fuckwit, loser readership.

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  35. Anonymous says:

    @ nu-uh

    I learnt nothing about the bands.

    Where did they come from? Who influenced their sound? Are they copy cats? Are they original? Who are they trying to be? Are they technically adept? Have they any albums? Is this new material? Do they do weddings?

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  36. creepy steve says:

    i’m so glad that poes relocated to cape town

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  37. Anonymous says:

    lolling pretty hard at te guy telling everyone to go wiki gonzo.

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  38. Roger Young says:

    @anon,

    A: I’m not following, you suggested The Walrus as a handle for me, not you?
    B + C: If you agree with one you de fact agree with the other.

    And here is the crux of the thing, you give me a gig review as an example that contains all the elements of my review. Place, scene details, personal anecdotes (albeit those in the review are an amalgam of past experience) and then some stuff about the music. It’s just that the weighting is different. And why is the weighting different? Well, different gig, different scene, different writer.

    I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I don’t use the same weighting for every event, gig or moment in time that I write about.

    Also to answer your question “Is this a gig review?”
    Well, no not strictly speaking but it is not a pipe either.

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  39. YOU ALL BORE ME says:

    @anonymouse i meant it sarcastically initially but it occurred to me that probably shouldn’t even take that for granted.

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  40. Anonymous says:

    A:
    A good reason for (my) anonimity…even an injured walrus is a formidable opponent for a polar bear, and direct attacks are rare.

    B+C:
    o…k.

    The crux…can we agree you have a problem with weighting? Grrr Tish. Drum roll. But. Whatever. Your review as opposed to those found on NME etc fell flat – for me, personally – but as you say…it was not, strictly speaking, a gig review. Keep on rolling. Better that FA.

    PS

    I was kind of disgusted by YOU ALL BORE ME even mentioning Mahala and Hunter S Thompson in the same paragraph. The Great Shark Hunt vs Short Chubby Goths. Indeed.

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  41. YOU ALL BORE ME says:

    anon, i wasn’t comparing it to the great shark hunt, jesus christ, i’m sorry that offended your erudition and gave you a little moment of feeling “disgust’. my most profound apologies. i’ll try keep my short-hand references well-explained and sufficiently elevated to match your level.
    the point i was making is that gonzo isn’t a fringe style of reporting anymore, it’s not even special and certainly not shocking anymore, it’s been metabolised by generations and can be in-house style. mainstream. it’s just pathetic that people get all indignant.

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  42. Anonymous says:

    @ YOU ALL BORE ME

    My humble apologies. Please send my regards to your fellows at MENSA.

    How did you find the article?

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  43. Gandalf's kid says:

    Hahahaha.

    Just from this article, i can pick out all the regulars that are at Gandalf’s.

    I must say, the band reviews were kind of spot on,but for some one experiencing Gandalf’s for the first time..you really did not seem to enjoy it that much.

    Viva la cheap drinks.

    P.s any for of press is good. Even when it rips the people in the establishment to pieces. 😀

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  44. YOU ALL BORE ME says:

    you douche, you basically repeated my own response back at me. are you the rubber and i’m the glue?
    lol.

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  45. duiwelpoes says:

    Roger Young is the gonzo Don of Journo shlick

    The fat bastard could review a dung slinging tournament
    and I would enjoy the write up….

    At some point during the reading I would and often do
    burst out laughing…most times its at the sheer maddness, it brilliant,
    the brutal almost lovingly honest style…

    And for you who have yet to grasp the subtle banters flavours, as a taste aquired,
    you must surely not yet have rasped with your willing tounge, the very sphincter of life….!

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  46. first-timer says:

    Definitely not the best review I’ve ever read but it made me smile.

    I agree with Gandalf’s Kid on this one. The band reviews were spot-on.
    Although I have seen Captain Stu play sets with the new vocalist that blow the old shit out of the water.
    Enmity are always fun. It’s just hard to take them seriously. And SA needs a band in that genre and of that caliber to take themselves seriously.

    But as far as a review of a specific night out is concerned – High Five

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  47. Roger Young says:

    @Gandalf’s kid

    Not enjoy it? It confused me and made me question my self esteem, It was fucking amazing! I’ll be back Friday.

    (and it was my second time in that week, i haven’t been since about 2007)

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  48. Andy says:

    crap… what we don’t need is another metal act to take themselves seriously… seriously

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  49. Anonymous says:

    This article is on the dot.
    About everything.
    The bands, Gandalfs, and the immature little fat girls and babies.

    On the dot.

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  50. Name says:

    But everyone loves Gandalfs.

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  51. first-timer says:

    You know what I mean Andy.

    They’re a serious talent, not a bunch of pussies standing in a forest folding their arms.

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  52. Chloe Mairead says:

    All I want to say is: Duran, that photo of us is from Zula Bar. Cheater! 😛

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  53. Roger Young says:

    Don’t blame Duran, Blame me. I stole it from his FB, the one of you, wasn’t um, flattering?

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  54. Chloe Mairead says:

    I’m pretty sure there aren’t any of us from the ROAR gig on facebook. But um, thanks anyway.

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  55. Duran says:

    Sorry Chloe, I shot your whole set video so didn’t take any pics!

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  56. Chloe Mairead says:

    I was kidding! What’s the point in putting a freaking colon capital p if everyone takes you seriously! I shan’t bother from now on.

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  57. Neil Brown says:

    I think roger is one of the most exciting and acurate music reviewers this country has..
    Even if he flames a performance, he’ll do it knowing exactly what he’s talking about.. Not trying for brownie points, just saying I respect the way the man writes…

    Neil
    The Ranks

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  58. What ever... says:

    You are f***king boring dude! And no I don’t have anything meaningful to say.

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  59. Anonymous says:

    He is the Nikki Greenwall of the underground

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  60. brown and blonde babies! says:

    Nice one Daddy!
    😀
    spot on!

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  61. Brett says:

    Roger, stop talking about my hair you weirdo!

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  62. Andy says:

    “the walls are thick with the condensation of teenage defeats” – my favourite line

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  63. Roger's Ex says:

    Roger speaks true: he really has a small penis. Not only that, but he is really a shit-for-brains masked by a good journalistic commentry. He makes sure that the shit that’s in his head gets all up in the interwebz.

    Brett, ignore his comment about your hair. He gets really jealous. About a lot of things.
    He got jealous this one time when I let this hot guy rub my amazingly huge, chubby breasts..
    That at least felt good. Roger’s hands are only good for writing shit, he is useless at pretty much anything else. Try get him to make you breakfast… I would love someone to review him doing that.

    I still love you though Roger..
    Kinda…
    ///NAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT!!111!11!!11!!!11!!

    LolZor11!!!!11!

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  64. Metalhead says:

    The writer is probably one of those annoying people at the bar that i always wanna punch in the face. You know, the ones that always have something smart to say about the relevance of post modern teenage angst in the modern world…shit like that.
    I wonder what you said to the girls to get then to treat you so badly.

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  65. creepy steve says:

    metal head is probably one of those kids who is still in post matric at thirty and lives at home with his overbearing parents. just looking for an anonomys comments thread post to vent. shit like that. enjoy the next cradle of filth album

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  66. Roger Young says:

    wtf is postmodern, lol.

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  67. Ryan says:

    This is fucking bullshit, my hair is way sweeter than Brett’s and it doesn’t even get a mention.

    Fuck you Roger

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  68. Metalhead says:

    all true creepy steve except that cradle of filth suck balls…and my mother IS my father or the other way around. i suppose it doesnt matter, i’m pissed off and i wanna punch.

    @ roger, post modern is the near future, or so it said on the door at gandalfs once

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  69. Metalhead says:

    why is there a pair of black and hairy testicles on this page?

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  70. Roger Young says:

    wtf is near future lol

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  71. Metalhead says:

    so you ignore the balls?

    i’m kinda zonked on cold medicine right now but if i had to hazard a guess i would say post modern or the ‘near future’ is the land of make believe that is not the current and neither the future. also it felt like the right thing to type at the time.

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  72. Anonymous says:

    If Hunter were buried,
    he’d be turning in his grave.
    Gonzo fail.

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  73. dvilleoysters says:

    The best Chesapeake Bay Oysters are grown on our family farm!

    Quality & Sustainability
    http://www.deltavilleoystercompany.com

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  74. Roger Young says:

    wtf is right thing to type at the time lol

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  75. Metalhead says:

    magnets, how do they fucking work?

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  76. Doctor L. says:

    It’s become, I suppose, obvious for me, that on the surface Mahala is a pop culture zine, but take a step further, one that doesnt have to so much go forward as steep through the floor, and its revealed that covertly, something else is going on here: a hotbed of sorts, a cabal of provocateurs-cum-poseurs-cum-incredibly brained and drained and perhaps, too overtly talented and exciting writers. Heres both form and content – and even, I could say, perhaps too much so for some of us. Click here and you find Brad Edmonds, Roger Young, Montle motherfucking Moorosi, Sarah D, Joegz and of course, at the helm, Andy D. All names, Im in no question, will be setting new prescedents for us beyond this beloved digital arena, sooner than we think.

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  77. Morticia says:

    Hahahahaha…ahhhh…no wait, not done…Hahahahahaha!
    So I guess the author of this piece did not get lucky?

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  78. Ape Town says:

    good piece man. good reading.

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  79. Metalhead says:

    The weak will inherit the Earth piled on top of their graves

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  80. @everyone says:

    My dad will beat up your dad.

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  81. Anonymous says:

    Whoa Roger, you’ve got quite an ego on you. Or should we call you Perez Young? Using your website to diss the people that keep this music scene awesome. you suck dude

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  82. Jade says:

    i didn’t even finish reading all the comments cos there are too many to go through.

    the article is full of grammar mistakes and, in my opinion, if you’re going to write such a narky, sarcastic, hating review you have to write it perfectly or run the risk of looking stupid.

    also, this article is too desperately trying to read like dialogue outta Brick.

    and Gandalf’s is hardly ever this interesting.

    j

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  83. Tim Lester says:

    kick ass review. fucking entertaining read 🙂

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  84. Roger Young says:

    wtf is grammar lol

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  85. Jade says:

    Roger do you “wtf, lol” everything people say to you?

    guess you’ve got quite a bit of dialogue going here which is cool.

    and nevermind about the grammar. you’re too cool for grammar.

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  86. to the tards. says:

    “i hate Roger,
    because he hurts my feelings.
    anybody have a stanley blade to slit my wrists?”

    get a fucking life people,
    you’d think these metalmunchers would be less sensitive but obviously you’re writing about a kind of people that posses a so called “high school mentality”.

    If you think Roger is so kak, why the fuck do you read it in the first place, or even bother by trying to prove a point. Shame… is this little text-box the only place where you guys get to rant and rave about the maliciousness that is the Editor?

    its a free country, start your own fucking blog and do a better job, or go cry in the corners like you always do.. this one’s getting crowded.

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  87. Roger Young says:

    @Jade.

    I point you to David Forster Wallace’s 2001 piece on grammar Nazis and Usage Nerds.

    http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/DFW_present_tense.html

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  88. Anonymous says:

    rodge, did you spell “foster” wrong to add esoteric gravitas to your point?

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  89. Anonymous says:

    anyone who likes Capt Stu is a complete dick in my opinion, so no harm no foul.

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  90. Roger Young says:

    EVERYTHING I DO IS ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (in retrospect)

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  91. Anonymous says:

    thought so 😉

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  92. Anonymous says:

    oh my god did i just become a person who puts winking yellow smiley faces on my comments…forgive me, universe, it just happened.

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  93. Metalhead says:

    i found out how magnets work. you need the magic of CP

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  94. lia says:

    My favourite bit is “the squint girl was not fat. Fucksakes” I like a world where fat girls get to not be pipes AND see straight. Sigh.So warm and Fuzzy.

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  95. Jem says:

    haha Roger young just some old dude, who wants to be controversial but does it in such a stupid way

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