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We Set Sail

Sailing with the Beast

by Max Barashenkov, images by Adriaan Louw / 22.10.2010

The Beast stares at me from across three drafts with eyes that scream “I need action! And you will be my wingman!” He looks good and, judging from the way pre-drinks had deteriorated into wasted slurs, it’s going to be a good night for him. I’m on an unashamed drinking trip – anything to break the boredom of another show review. Hyenas with full pockets and lasagna at home try ambush us at the Shack, but we are after a higher quality of game tonight and are in no mood for Italian cuisine. Onwards, to the palace of hip, indie vagina! On to the Assembly!

As with the festival, the Rocking the Daisies after-party boasted some of the finer meat cuts of Under the Mountain, the Beast was aroused by the possibilities, I was more alarmed by the price of beer. Drinking on a budget can turn you into an ugly human being, concerned with only one question – where the fuck is Jerry? Women, conversations, bands, they all become tertiary – you scribble down notes, but not out of any real interest, merely out of the necessity of a frail memory and a semi-retarded sense of duty. The Beast keeps me on course, as I do him, and drags me to the stage where tight-jeaned hips are already swaying to the second band, the Holiday Murray (mercifully we missed the openers, Jakkals – one less depressing paragraph). We stand amongst the environmentally shell-shocked cattle, take it and then…horror!

Holiday Murray

Hippie Regeneration 3D! Have we reached the point when the hip crowd turns to tree-hugging rock ‘n roll? When they realize that leather shoes are made from animals and looking good is expensive? You are a lot cooler when you love the planet and act like a bored stoner on stage. Fuck me, if you are going to go all out arty-bohemian-folk and bring a violin into it, then please use it as something more than a background prop-noise! Once you tap into the Holiday Murray vibe – it’s just a re-hash of 60s rock ‘n roll/country sensibility, and to our tongues it is stale. Which isn’t to say that this is a bad outfit, their set is tight and the sheepish demeanor is appealing, in that Hello-Kitty-cute way. Listen to the winds and you will get the impression that Holiday Murray are the hottest thing since the crucifixion – every other douchebag with aspirations to belong is having a spastic shit about them on every street corner. And admittedly, half-way through, I’m merry enough to enjoy their set, but then that over-irrigated, under-trimmed fool from New Holland weasels his way onstage and the band turns to Insta-Shit. Someone please buy him a one-way ticket to Auschwitz and if Holiday Murray are riding his coattails, send them along. Gas showers of average! Ovens of recycled rubbish! Fertilize the fields and watch mediocrity bloom!

Holiday Murray

Coos bru... These ous are hot!

The problem with music journalism is that it is so god damn boring. The sour reality is that there are only so many ways you can say a band blows or doesn’t, there are only so many times you can watch shit acts before you turn into a highly fanged individual. The only alternative is to drink, and to drink for free, if you can. The Beast is locked into a courting ritual with something pretty, I’m about to lose the ability to communicate and The Pinkertons have just barged on to the stage. Christ almighty, what a crock of shit, mood-killers extraordinaire. Would anyone care if there wasn’t a pretty girl coaxing out sexually arousing deep notes? Probably not. And as the spotlight stays on her – the formula becomes more and more obvious: flashing lights + poon = sell. Hey, let’s put a Debbie Harry knock-off in front of some pre-digested rock boredom and watch the crowd thin out with every song, until you are nothing more than a pathetic filler band. The people have voted with their feet – Get thee to the compost heap!

The Pinkertons

The crowd suffers its own unique kind of hipster boredom

I’m still no closer to finding Jerry, or any other free booze, and am now in a thoroughly foul mood, one step ahead of the Beast in the drinking game and two steps away from being inside out. He runs up to me with a feral grin and drops the announcement that he has accomplished his mission. I feel proud and tell him that the night is still young and he can do better and more. He agrees and disappears into the forest of ass just as We Set Sail begin casting their strobe-induced hypnosis. In my state, I’m deeply grateful – this is the kind of band that makes it all worthwhile, that inspires, that allows for something good to be written.

The first time I saw them, I became a fan. Tonight, I’m a disciple. Every instrument, every member explodes in their own way, each in his own zone and laying down his piece of something beautiful, something that is almost beyond words. They slip from trance-like mellow, to almost metal heavy, into trumpet-driven dance hooks over precision drum-work, all without losing coherency and singularity of sound. I’m lost in the complexities of guitarist Adam Hill’s peddles, in their proper utilization and the ethereal noises they create. My whole being is infected with them, every pore is silently howling – “We Set Motherfucking Sail!” The vocals are spellbinding in their absence, spurring the crowd onto their own interpretations of the music, their own outlets of the feeling. This band doesn’t build you the gateway, they merely show you where it lies, how you get there and what you see when you do, is entirely up to you. Somewhere in their poetry, I see the Beast with his tongue coiled around a pair of sexy legs, I give him the thumbs up but he doesn’t notice. For all intensive purposes I consider my wingman duties fulfilled and surrender memory and sobriety entirely to the best band in Cape Town. To say that We Set Sail will be huge would be rather prosaic and the only words of warning are those of hope that they will not let their imminent success go to their heads and turn them into snobbish rockstars.

When the black recedes and recall is restored, I’m outside the Shack, again, it is getting light and the Beast is passed out in the car, content bastard. There are people around me, who they are I don’t know – they could be vagrants, they could be musicians, they could be a gang of Nigerians who have just had their way with me. I don’t know and I don’t care, because somewhere in the mire of the night, I must have found Jerry. At least it feels like I did.

We Set Sail

We Set Sail

*All images © Adriaan Louw.

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RESPONSES (145)
  1. aseaofstrange says:

    wow, full of yourself much? i bet you just stand in front of the mirror and jerk off don’t you?
    and i do not accept hugs or music advice from people that are clearly so far up their own ass they taste every meal twice.

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  2. aseaofstrange says:

    @willem – emo’s? my god, come out of the closet. you’re so far in there you are having adventures in narnia.

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  3. Love will tear us apart says:

    I think we can all stand together and do a loving intervention for young Aseaofstrange , he is displaying signs of aggressive delusional psychosis with advanced paranoia . He will need some sexual expression therapy to come to terms with his sexuality as we can plainly see he is hiding or repressing some anal retentive tendencies which in our modern times he will be able to freely explore without judgement . If he responds in a verbally abusive manner or links more of his diatribe towards cocks and bums we will know the aforementioned prognosis is correct . Ahmen

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  4. aseaofstrange says:

    love will tear us apart. thats all the insult i need.

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  5. Max says:

    aseaofstrange, if you say you know me, care to cast aside the pseudonym and say who the fuck you are? otherwise, well, the things you say are worthless.

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  6. verbalkint says:

    troll is trolling. Imma firin mah lazer.

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  7. aseaofstrange says:

    i wish i could tell you but ive been having so much fun fucking around that you might take what i have said seriously

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  8. aseaofstrangeiskierandominiquepearce says:

    booyah

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  9. Max says:

    my oh my, please, please, PLEASE tell me that aseaofstrange is Rat Face (Kieran)…that would actually be the best news ever. please.

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  10. Samoosa Man says:

    If anyone could understand the awesomeness of the fisherman that hoisted the sail you would understand the myth which is we set sail.

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  11. aseaofstrange says:

    what you gonna do? im not scared of you

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  12. peppermint lube says:

    wow getting personal hey ill take you up the aseaofkak

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  13. aseaofstrange says:

    peppermint lube. ag shame wanna get involved in a mans fight?i will fuck you up you piece of shit.long live trance. you poes

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  14. Max says:

    haha, “what you gonna do? im not scared of you’ – knee jerk reaction of a pussy, which, if this is really you Mr Kieran Dominique Pearce (though the pathetic quality of insults and their lack of logic, does point to a being of your non-intelligence), you are – especially after you ran and cried to your mommy after me and Baulk had a bit of fun on your Facebook.

    I’m not going to do anything, you retard, I’m merely content – I thought, for a moment, that I was dealing with an actual human being here, not a bottom feeder such as yourself. I can now sleep easy, and you – you can go back to whatever meaningless existence you’ve been leading – sucking on your daddy’s teets, or has he cut you off because of your coke habit? Or maybe you’ve progressed to dealing the shit? Would be the next logical step for scum like you.

    Much love, peace and bubblegum
    xoxo

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  15. aseaofstrange says:

    i do alot of coke and my parents think i’m just emotionally scarred for having being a pussy and fucking up any relationship i’ve ever been in. now i hang out at trance parties and try hook up with uber-fucked girls. rad!

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  16. murray says:

    i regret clicking that box for email updates of comments – what a diatribe.

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  17. peppermint lube says:

    WOW “if this is really you Mr Kieran Dominique Pearce (though the pathetic quality of insults and their lack of logic, does point to a being of your non-intelligence), you are – especially after you ran and cried to your mommy ” haha shame “long live trance?” wow go hug a tree you fucking hippy 😉 wont deny trance is not rad I like a good party but “go back to whatever meaningless existence you’ve been leading – sucking on your daddy’s teets” kak funny..whats a shame is that you actually admit that you can only hook up with a lady if she’s, what again?
    “uber-fucked” shame boy that’s probably why your relationships don’t work out because they get sober!

    dude you should really relax this is merely a review of all the rad bands that played on the awesome night you making it personal between you and MAX… get a room!!! what’s this interweb fighting common really grow the fuck up. AND YES I’D like to get involved and lube you up real nicely and show you what a real MAN can do to your assofshame!!! maybe max and i can even spitbraai high five you whatever you fancy..

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  18. oi oi oi says:

    ASSEMBLY WAS PACKED GREAT JOB TO ALL THE BANDS

    you people are goin on more about everything else besides the music and trying to just bring out the bad in the bands why not rather defend them with good statements instead of just getting pissed off and ripping on good bands? all the bands were rad this is one guys opinion… come on people every single band deserved to be on that stage that night and it wouldn’t have been packed till the end of the bands if you didn’t really enjoy it! everybody played their hearts out and enjoyed it as much as you! I did enjoy every band from first jakkals to being supa over crowded at wss set. just trying to stand still was a prob i just wanted to dance whole night it was great and the bands made it work I had a great time and don’t understand why most of you are so negative about the bands now when we should uplift all of them. SA music scene is really growing fast and that’s awesome. Now what’s happening is that you bringing all the bands down on the review. like I said this is one guys opinion about them.

    We Set Sail, holiday Murray and Jakkals is doing really well and worked for it in the short time that they’ve been on stage…

    Chill and just enjoy it cause you’ll probably see those three bands on the bill together alot 🙂 im excited to see them again and so should you. RELAX and love music…

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  19. James Bondage says:

    Rad.

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  20. Jamaged Bonds says:

    Uber Rad

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  21. James Bondage says:

    Oh now that’s just ridiculous!

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  22. zesteven says:

    This shit is straight up crazy

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  23. Anonymous says:

    @ oi oi oi

    It’s uncritical bumholes like you that make bands like the Parlotones popular. A bit of kulling is necessary to remove the shite.

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  24. Anonymous says:

    @aseaofstrange

    I actually hope you die. Attention seeking faggot.

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  25. norm says:

    I once caught kieran (aka aseaofstrange) trying to rape a passed out chick, but then i realized it was his mother so I backed off. Never get between family.

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  26. Anonymous says:

    oi oi oi clearly sounds like a member of one of the bands.
    I think it’s marne from wss.
    but marne is a cool guy so we’ll let it slide.

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  27. Anonymous says:

    “and im gonna be completely honest…i have no idea what any of these band sounds like and frankly do not care.”

    So you’re just here parading a personal vendetta against Max? Hmmm…
    Petty. And in pathetic? Yeah.

    Also, to that verbalkunt or whatevever it was comment on the adriaan louw = cunt comment, being the most useless comment ever: this was just a poor imitation. it was way more useless when adriaan louw said max barashenkov was a cunt on his status update. you can tell he’s way edgy like that, calling him out in all his facebook glory.

    God you weekend gig warriors, music doesn’t even matter to you outside of your social circles. Maybe some soundtrack to your boring lives when you drive to work and pump that 5fm super loud bra. Your opinions on music are pretty irrelevant.

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  28. Anonymous says:

    and i can tell all that cause you party at assembly and loved bands like the pinkertons and holiday murray.

    thats just a current uniform you’re wearing. with your moustache. I wish I knew what those stupid hats everyone at assembly wears are called so i could refer to them easier.
    You look over the crowds there and see them floating on the heads of every fifth cool and original dude trying to fit in there.
    It’s fun.

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  29. I have a purse for my iPhone so kcuf you says:

    They called Hipsters and they will kcuf you up fool .
    Just because I wear plaids and granny panties doesn’t mean I’m not a natural born killer

    Just becauase I have no lens’s in my eye glasses doesn’t mean they don’t give me a new perspective on the world .

    Thats the good life and sweet baby Jesus gave it gave it all to hipsters and said enjoi

    Haters gona hate , aint that the truth.
    Word

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  30. aseaofstrange says:

    @aseaofstrange

    I actually hope you die. Attention seeking faggot

    go fuck yourself anonymous. atleast i had the guts to out myself. you gonna be a pussy ass bitch and hide. go fuck yourself.

    @norm. sadly it was not my mother but yours. if she has bruises on her inner thighs…thats me homeboy. i tore that shit up.

    an unprovoked attack, it seems that what max and baulk seem to be good at. imitation isnt original but it was a sweet comeback. fuck all ya’ll

    cum guzzling 40’s style wearing fucktards. look at me. im excentric.more like a complete and utter doos. get fucked

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  31. norm says:

    @aseaofstrange

    yeah, u totally had the balls to out urself…..why not use ur real name to begin with faggot?

    I remember when u and mr baulk were bumchums a few years ago- you looked like a fat wannabe emo, but not even the emo kids would hang out with you.

    Its a good thing u got into trance cos the only girls iv ever seen you hook up with ( rape) were obese and smelt of the sea.

    have a great day fucktard 🙂

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  32. aseaofstrange says:

    @norm

    you, emo’s and baulk can all go fuck each other.who the fuck are you? pathetic

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  33. Anonymous says:

    lol i think i like this seaofstrange guy now.
    he grew on me like a beard.
    a hipster, hipster beard.
    i must cut off the bottom and earn myself bonus moustache points yesssssssss.

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  34. Walter says:

    Holy shit fuck.

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  35. Anonymous says:

    poon (_rape) aseaofnoob

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  36. James Bondage says:

    You have no idea how turned on I am right now.

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  37. zesteven says:

    @aseaofstrange

    if you are in fact kieran. i am glad all these people are outing you for the sicko you are.

    @norm

    i would appreciate never to be associated with this person ever again.we hung out a LONG time ago…thank fuck those days are gone.

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  38. oh.hello! says:

    @aseaofstrange

    Your severe lack of intelligence & tact amuse me. It would be much better if you did yourself a favor and backed off.

    It’s a sad reality when people figure out the truth about you isn’t it?
    You’re unhappy, addicted to much more than drugs & exceed the amount of issues any normal person should have.
    Stop mucking about & get your shit sorted, there must be more to life than causing shit on Max’s interesting review.

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  39. James Bondage says:

    People. Get thee to a 4Chan forum. This has detracted from the article.

    We Set Sail are awesome.

    Who is the Beast?

    I want to check out the other bands before I make judgement.

    Cthulhu Uber Alles.

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  40. Sherlock Holmesosexual says:

    @James Bondage

    Don’t hate the player…hate the game. I’m almost convinced that all these bands are as gay as max makes them out to be.

    peace be with you. jah bless

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  41. James Bondage says:

    @Sherlock Holmesosexual.

    I took a turtle on your turtle.

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  42. Max says:

    “I remember when u and mr baulk were bumchums a few years ago- you looked like a fat wannabe emo, but not even the emo kids would hang out with you.”

    That’s the best thing I have read all day. So, so true.

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  43. Blanked. says:

    “I remember when u and mr baulk were bumchums a few years ago- you looked like a fat wannabe emo, but not even the emo kids would hang out with you.”

    That’s the best thing I have read all day. So, so true.

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  44. Marné says:

    I LIKE SAILOR JERRY

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  45. Kate says:

    Has anyone else realised that all the pro-pinkertons comments are from the female singer’s boyfriend?

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