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Planet of the Fakes

Planet of the Fakes?

by Max Barashenkov, images by Mark Reitz / 26.08.2010

Talk about failed expectations and let-down hopes. There is a girl, she has a sailor hat on and a fake moustache and she is, perhaps, the hottest thing I’ve seen at the Assembly, ever. I want to fight her boyfriend and hold her hand and tell her beautiful things and dance with her in a magical world. Then the Great Apes take the stage, she takes off her moustache and all dreams crumble. She’s just another non-descript indie girl in a crowd of others just like her. This, sort of, goes for the band as well.

The Great Apes have excited my ears for sometime now, murmurs in dark corners about something different. Having put together the ‘experimental’ music festival at the Albert Hall sometime ago, I figured a band with such drive for interesting sounds will offer a touch of special themselves. Sadly, I find myself not understanding them, only seeing a tight spazzed-out garage rock outfit and nothing beyond. Their music is not infectious, bordering on the complex and crying out for a better vocalist, who, despite his furious flailing and wailing, failed to grab me by the balls (and it is almost prerequisite for a frontman to give them a little fondle, otherwise, why are you on stage?). At times they do break into great noisy shit, aural pandemonium of the highest order, but it’s too little and too late. It won’t be right to dismiss them on this note, because there is something more to them, I can see it in the dedication on their faces, a certain grim satisfaction at their sound, I just didn’t manage to tap into it – this perhaps is an indication of a great, challenging band. And I will be the first to admit that they don’t just require more than one listening/watching, they deserve it.

On the other hand, the one that is frail from too much masturbation, Throatball do not warrant a single minute of your time. Imagine the most rubbish of hardcore punk bands. Got it? Dilute that with the lack of any kind of songwriting ability. Did it? Mix in the most un-engaging stage presence ever and a vocalist who wears an unexplainably stupid mask. Visualizing it? Now add five liters of fresh, steaming shit and you will be somewhere close to Throatball. It’s the kind of music that stops being exciting when you turn sixteen and, perhaps, they would go down great at a Wynberg Sports Club all-ages show, around the 10pm slot, when the kids are wasted off their faces and can’t tell music from jerking-off. At the Assembly though, they make me scream: “get off the fucking stage, or better, just quit, man, just quit, because if this is what you are putting out at your age, then your value as a musician is a resounding zero!”

It’s an unfair shame that Alive At Midnight play first, before the dread of Throatball, because whatever the second band fails to achieve, the opening act get right, they get it surprisingly very right. Alive At Midnight play the kind of music that is made for wasted singing along, for fists pumping in the air, for crack-broken gang vocals, for rock ‘n roll brotherhood. They’ve got everything – a half-sane vocalist that gets more and more naked as the show progresses, a great guitarist that squeezes some of the most driving rock ‘n roll riffs and licks on the South African scene and a solid rhythm section who keep it all together and roar through the backing vocals. They will, mercifully, never be too popular, never will they bow down to commercial pressure – the music is just not girl-friendly enough to keep drawing the Assembly female goddesses and, with them, the male gig-goers – unless South Africa (or is it just Cape Town) wakes up from its indie-pop-rock delirium – it’s just too dirty, too raw, too ugly for the mainstream. They do have some tracks that are flat and non-descript, like the painful ‘Inner City Shuffle’ which, by all means, should be cut from the set list, unless they add a shitload more groove to it. But when they kick into their title track, ‘Alive At Midnight’, you forget all about the little flops – it’s a real anthem of joyous destruction, of laying waste to yourself and everything around you. I’m standing there, in the early paper-thin crowd, and wishing I was like the guy in the middle of the dancefloor – he had three tequilas in a row before the show started and now is lost in a manic rock ‘n roll flip-out. Good man, this country needs more of his ilk.

As we leave, I see my sailor girl again and now she nothing more than a port-side hooker, but maybe, just maybe, if she puts on that hat again and glues on her moustache, I’ll dream of her again.

*All images © Mark Reitz / The Assembly.

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RESPONSES (76)
  1. Alive at Midnight says:

    Thanks Max 🙂

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  2. you suck says:

    blah blah blah pretty girls, shit bands, alive at midnight suck balls

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  3. Alive at Midnight says:

    @you suck

    Thank you precious, grumpy much?

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  4. Aleksei Danilov says:

    Someone needs to do a feature on Grumble’s (Alive at Midnight) butt tattoos. I vote me.

    Так что Вы приезжали прямо с матросской девушкой?

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  5. Anon says:

    I couldn’t agree more. Although “liters” is actually spelt “litres” You must have your spell-check set to American. 😉

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  6. Hagenstrohm says:

    wow, you should really get out more. see more bands, listen to more music. Alive At… what? Puhleez. A clue. Got it? Get it.

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  7. Grim says:

    I’m not quite sure why you didn’t like Throatball if you dug Alive At Midnight…

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  8. Hagenpoes says:

    Hagendaas, you clever little dickweed, what are you even trying to say with your comment? That Max doesn’t see enough bands? Retard

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  9. Hagenstrohm says:

    @ Grim: cos he has not a clue. (it’s that cape town clique thing you read about in jo’burg blogs?)

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  10. Anonymous says:

    because max actually LIKES heavy based music and is rather discerning in his taste.
    Throatball suck. It’s just how it is. Too much jock in their heavy rock. A bit like VOL which could be good sometimes, but… too much jock to their rock.

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  11. Gang Raped says:

    What the fuck?Alive at Midnight were CRAP!!!!The vocalist has no personality other than trying to act hardcore,he’s a dick and needs vocal lessons.the only guys in that band with any kind of talent are the guitarist and bassist.get real!!

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  12. Grim says:

    i do agree that Alive At Midnight are a better band, but I was slightly alarmed at the brutal treatment Throatball got. why?

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  13. Hagenstrohm says:

    Gang Raped got it. my point is proved. Next to Die Gunstons, Alive At Midnight must be the most vocally abhorent band on the surface of SA music. the fact that they are bad does not neccessarily make them genius. They’re just crap. Throatball are at least comprised of musicians that have been in other – successful – bands (Lithium, anyone??) and their sound is perhaps more of a tribute to a bygone era, done well, than a coked-up wank fest in the vein of so much that is already out there, currently posing as “original alternative music”, hence a belief that Max needs to “get out there and SEE more bands, or read a book or something, and then use that experience to make better informed opinions, rather than giving props to his (probable) mates whilst failing to comprehend a wider spectrum of music.. is all..

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  14. Max says:

    I don’t give props to my mates, most of the time I end up saying rather harsh things. Ask ABturbo, ask the Plastics.

    Did you guys even read the article? Did I not say that AaM are dirty? are ugly? are raw as hell? Never did I mount them on anykind of rock ‘n roll Olympus. Yeah they kicked dick that night and appealed to me, why, I think I explained in coherent detail. Sure, their sound is similar to the current/recent hardcore rock n roll revival going on in the UK (see bands like Gallows, Blackhole, the Computers, Hexes…), but hardly anything of that sort/caliber has been done locally. And it is refreshing to see it – hello, motherfuckers, read – “They will, mercifully, never be too popular”.

    As for Throatball, well here I’m not surrendering any positions. Whatever their past bands, whatever ‘throwback to a by gone era’ reasons you give – they blow and have been blowing for years now. No change in sound, no change in performance. Rubbish.

    So to sum it up, cuz I don’t like responding to these comments, but in this case I felt that the article was completely misread by some – please, before you go on comment-frenzies, actually engage with what is written. maybe read it twice, think about it. that is all i can really ask a writer. if you disagree with my opinion/taste, well then there is nothing I can do. I’m just one dude 🙂

    much love

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  15. Anonymous says:

    At least max is honest. Enough said, and he writes in such a eloquent and intriguing manner, that I come back each time for something real.

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  16. Grim says:

    so, Max, let me get this straight – Throatball and Alive at Midnight essentially deal in the same ‘vibe’/’feel’/’texture’ of music, but AaM do it better, and thus Thraotball are shit?

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  17. Hagenstrohm says:

    yaaawn, you are right, whatever, it’s all just opinions and critical opinions are good for bands, doesn’t matter who you like . dislike, if they learn from anything they read and use it to improe their performance for the better, all’s the better for everyone so nice one. actually, keep on, telling it like you see it, at least someone is! (see, having just had a hit of glue, i feel better now)

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  18. Bob the Builder says:

    @Hagenstrohm, you seem bored and wholly dissatisfied with your existence. You don’t offer any constructive criticism, all you want to do is get a rise out of anyone who reads this article. You are either a member of or friends with someone in Throatball or The Great Apes and feel hard done by that big bad Max has said ugly things, shame. “Alive At Midnight must be the most vocally abhorent band on the surface of SA music”, i think you need to see more bands, because making such a broad statement requires your presence in every province and every gig that goes down in this country. It is an ignorant statement to make and i know a guy who can remove the stick from your ass without leaving too much scarring…

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  19. Anonymous says:

    anyone trying to compare the sound of Throatball and AAM clearly dont have enough knowledge about ‘heavy’ music to form an valid opinion. They are so different it hurts. Or is all ‘heavy’ music the same to you Grim?
    Cause they’re not even on remotely the same page.
    Throatball just suck. thats all there is to it. Not because AAM had a better set on the evening, but because they suck. They’re not good beause they were once in commercially successful bands before, or because they are tipping their hat to a bygone era. they just suck.
    Why does this need to be justified and put into a context you can better relate to?
    People are so damn gaurded of their opinions that they feel they need to have people agree with them in order to validate them. thoat belies an insecure and unfounded opinion that cant be backed up by your conviction in it. Weak.

    Max is essential to the SA scene. I for one am glad that bands in CT might need to stop and think for a second before being complacent with their delivery. There may be a max in the crowd. complacency and unoriginality are too easy and have defined the music industry in SA for too long now.

    At least someone is willing to call bands out on it now. Most of them are unoriginal and shit anyway. The ones mainstream markets consider good are the ones who sound a lot like other people they have seen do it before. Because those people are successful and on TV and shit, the mindless assume they must be good, and anyone emulating them must be doing something right too. This is not a reflection of a quality or relevant opinion. its like getting a cow to explain to you how the abatoir works.

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  20. muerte says:

    a ‘max in the crowd’ – whoooo…scary

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  21. Anonymous says:

    I’d rather have 1 max in my crowd then an assembly full of the sheep most bands calls fans.

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  22. Max says:

    Dear Anon (just below Bob the Builder)
    I am honoured by your words, but I do think you give me too much credit. As I said before, I’m just a guy with an opinion and a desire to express it. I’m not trying to start a cult 🙂 The notion of bands ‘fearing’ me in the crowd is…well, well, well over the top. But thank you for the kind words.

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  23. Face slapped by a Cock says:

    You know whats fun about playing music, reading the shit people write after wards. Good to see that we’ve pooled all the musical genius SA has to offer into one site. The music scene in this country is in great hands!

    Thank god for you fucks!

    Throatball rocks!

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  24. Anonymous says:

    If the fun part about playing music is reading the shit people write ‘after wards’ then you sir, are not a musician.
    Again, I reitterate, and you further prove: throatball sucks.

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  25. Bob the Builder says:

    Dear Anonymous,

    Sarcasm is clearing lost on you… reiterate has one t

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  26. Bob the Builder says:

    Haha, foot in mouth disease… clearly, i deserve that!

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  27. Jimmy T says:

    I watched a band the other night and thought “fuck these dude are bloody bollocks”. The following band made me feel like I was nursing a semi. I didn’t tell anyone I thought those things, but they popped into my head none-the-less. Max happens to write what he thinks down. It’s merely his opinion, not the official one-and-only judgment. I don’t get why everyone gets so pissed off that his opinion is not your opinion. Everyone just cool your tongs.

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  28. Enkeleen says:

    Hey Max. Thanks for putting the gig into perspective. I don’t know why people would willingly sit through a band like Throatball. Clearly they never practice, and, I agree, have no song writing ability. I don’t know where they got the idea that playing music at 500bpm is a good idea. I will give them one thing though. They are relentlessly shit…I mean they have been pouring out there fungal infested, putrid bile for 7 years now. I mean come on guys…give it a rest! As for the Lithium connection, well I hear no comparison. Lithium delivered straight up power rock, and Throatball delivers….well, I’m not sure what they deliver without using the word shit again….What a bunch of chops!

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  29. Laz Bowman says:

    Max, do you like Linkin Park and Rage Against the Machine ?
    You are are a fucking sad little man, trying to set the scene and be clever with your rant about a sailor girl, I wanted to puke after I read your 1st line. Fuck me, you sound like a real prick and please let us cross paths one day. You just come across as pathetic. You obviously know jack fuck nothing about music. On the night, Throatball stole the show, what with their stage show and music. I sang along to all the sing along parts as they powered out their fast and humorous set. If you don’t possess the brain capacity to deal with their music then you shouldn’t slam it, just move on you idiot. Alive at Midnight were great and The Great Apes were even greater – The best of the night for sure but why diss the other bands and rip into those fools that used to play grunge rock in the 90’s. They are trying something knew, I always knew they were a caged lion back then playing that slow dreary kak. Maybe they are on tik now. As for you, get another job, I’ll never read your bullshit again. Listen to a band called Comeback Kid and A Wilhelm Scream. Doos

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  30. Anonymous says:

    lolol!!!
    comeback kid and a wilhelm scream??
    God what moron.
    Hey Laz, lets run into each other sometime. Please.

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  31. shane says:

    I’ve read a bunch of reviews on this site and all I can say “What a load of shit”, here’s a review of your reviewers. Stop trying to “sex” it up with overblown, monotonous phrasing and educate yourself on the music and the industry. – I’ve been apart of the industry for nearly 20 years now and every so often there are little “upstarters” who like to give their two cents and attempt to bad mouth artists based on their own petty personal grievances rather than the music itself. Its apparent you fall into this category! Max, your parents must be pissed that with all the money that they spent on getting you a “degree in creative writing” you’ve now ended up writing shitty reviews for a fairly shitty site. Maybe its time for you to review your own direction in life.

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  32. Roger Young says:

    @shane

    It does sound like you’ve been “apart” of the industry for 20 years.

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  33. shane says:

    ha ha you can’t really comment on typo’s and bad grammar then make one yourself – did you mean apart FROM the industry? …. but trust me, close enough to build a large 4 bedroom house in an affluent area and put two new cars in the driveway, so either I’m right in the middle of the music industry or my bank has made a grave mistake, but you are entitled to your opinion, as am I and that Max guy.

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  34. Roger Young says:

    Well, no, it wasn’t the FROM that was the mistake, it was the placement of the quotation marks.

    But yes, We are all entitled to our opinions. You think Max’s are shitty. That’s yours. Cool, whatev’s.

    From your description of wealth I guess you’re not a musician, right?

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  35. shane says:

    I am a musician (be it a musician who plays purely for the love of music) and I work for the sister company of a major record label.

    Do you think Max’s opinion of Throatball for example is a fair and accurate one? Do you think maybe his opinion is centered in bias rather than professional opinion? Is there a reason why there is little to no reference to the strength of the individual members musical performance?

    For all I know Throatball could be the worst band on the planet, but then why would Assembly book them in the first place, surely they are responsible for the acts they book to entertain their patrons? …and to be honest even if they were the worst band to ever plug in an instrument, Max’s review is in no way constructive and if anything is only really sensational dribble in my opinion.

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  36. Roger Young says:

    No, I don’t think there is any bias in his opinion and yes, I do think it’s a fair and accurate one. In this context.

    And that’s the key thing here. Context. This is not a website/blog/magazine centered on the technicalities of musicianship. This is a space to discuss culture, art and entertainment. Part of that discussion has to be about individual perception of the act as a whole, the gut reaction. Because isn’t that what performance is about really?

    Also the idea that no venue ever books any shitty bands is a bit um, naive, don’t you think?

    How is Max’s review constructive? It started the conversation we’re having and I bet many others like it.

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  37. throatball suck says:

    throatball really suck

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  38. shane says:

    Of course venues book shitty bands, but if Max is to be believed then Assembly has to be the worst club around for putting a band on stage of Throatballs calibre. (With even some of the worst bands imaginable playing their first gig – and possibly last gig, there is always at least one ounce of positive feedback to be made, Max doesn’t seem up to the task of finding that one ounce and relaying it to the readers)

    I don’t believe The Assembly is the worst club, but Max has managed to damage the reputations of three entities (Throatball, the Assembly and himself) – even if it is only within the context of a small group of people who have read this “review”.

    My advice be it with music or even in general, if you want to be controversial and “shocking”, don’t target an individual or group of individual unless you are absolutely sure that your own shit doesn’t stink, because its more likely to marginalize yourself than generate a fan base or strong readership.

    I would also ask that Max backs up his comments by posting a video of the bands he reviews to give people the opportunity to either agree with his musical taste or discount it.

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  39. Somnambulist says:

    “I would also ask that Max backs up his comments by posting a video of the bands he reviews to give people the opportunity to either agree with his musical taste or discount it.”

    That’s what actually going to see the fucking band is for!

    If they’re going to post videos, they may as well just upload the entire gig and tell us to check it out for ourselves. That’s a really half baked suggestion.

    Anyone who bases their opinion solely on any one review is a moron anyway.

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  40. poesface says:

    Korn and Linkin Park also suck, what’s your point dick head
    it’s just your opinion and if you are the type of person who reads youtube video comments then this is for you. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but most of them are shitty.
    Max, you need to go back to the mirror and play some more air guitar and have a wank over chicks that look like sailors with moustache’s. (maybe Adult World will suit you better than watching cool bands at the assembly)
    Who cares what you say and all the other band member wannabe’s ?
    Bunch of Cunts

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  41. Anonymous says:

    why the fuck should it be maxs responsibility to make sure throatball come off sounding decent?

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  42. shane says:

    @Somnambulist – not a half baked suggestion at all, in turn it will either give Max’s reviews credibility or will discount his taste ….. I agree that nobody should form an opinion based on a review, even if the reviewer is credible, but people do, thats just the way it is.

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  43. Anonymous says:

    none of you idiots get it. and in not getting it, you justify every word of it.
    keep it up.

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  44. Roger Young says:

    Targeting? Isn’t that a little paranoid?

    All of our shit stinks.

    Video? With such a “small” readership, do you think we can afford to shoot video on the night as well?

    I don’t think Max damaged the Assembly’s rep in any way, or his own. And I think that any musician who works in this business knows that one bad review doesn’t destroy a reputation, if anything it just galvanizes the fans.

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  45. shane says:

    LOL even a short clip from a digital camera? … I agree that one review doesn’t destroy a reputation but only in the context of the writers credibility, to which there is nothing that says that Max has any in his review, but a short clip that backs up his writing might lead to credibility.

    “As we leave, I see my sailor girl again and now she nothing more than a port-side hooker… ” – would you have an issue if this was your daughter he was reviewing?

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  46. Roger Young says:

    *speechless

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  47. Anon-anus says:

    This Mahala is way better. They give you free sms’s. http://www.mahalasms.co.za/

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  48. chop says:

    Mahala is a Balkan word for something or other which came from the root meaning “to settle”. Well Mahala on this: all of you get off your swivelly chairs dad paid for, wipe off the crusty spit you haven’t cleaned off your face since you woke up, and find something else to do. Goddamn mouth-breathers.

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  49. Anonymous says:

    Mahala, in South Africa, means free.

    And, also: shane is trying to convince us now, in an effort to discredit this review, that a short crappy digital clip would give viewers the same feelings and reactions of being at the live gig and seeing it for themselves.
    Even with 17 cameras and giant budgets, it’ll never compare to the live gig. So go out and watch good bands. And if bands suck, tell them so. And if you have a platform, or ‘readership’ – all the better.

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  50. mymom says:

    Put up a fucken video so at least we can see if this guy is a fucken fairy who doesn’t know his dick from his ass or if he actually knows what the fuck he’s on about. And if nothing compares to being at the gig then why do a review and put up pictures in the first place? Throatball kick ass! Better than that muffin top emo fucken band Alive at Midnight for sure. @Shane you fucken labels don’t support the metal anyway so you can fuck off

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  51. Anonymous says:

    I enjoy bands much much heavier than throatball, and I think they are terrible.

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  52. Laz Bowman says:

    “I enjoy bands much much heavier than throatball, and I think they are terrible”
    who are? the heavier bands or throatball? What you must understand here is throatball are not trying to be heavy and not pulling it off or trying to be anything other than a bunch of twats that enjoy their own style of music. You can clearly see it, they are older than any other band that plays this type of music in these kind of clubs, they are not trying to be cool and please the likes of you. I and the 100 people around me were singing, dancing and laughing all the way. They deliver a true old skool punk rock vibe in a fast and solid way instead of being out of tune and sloppy like the punk of today. Are they punk…well in a way yes, are they metal….well in a way yes but they are not Sepultura which IS metal, they seem to be influenced by both punk and metal and by the likes of Mr. Bungle and Golden Earing !!!!!! I’ve seen them worse and better. Fuck you Anonymous dick head, and get a life Max – er that’s max for maximum fucking asshole. How old are you ?
    poesface hit the nail on the head, go to adult world if you like cross dressers and stop going to gigs that you don’t enjoy.

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  53. Roger Young says:

    @Laz

    A: How’s he meant to know if he’ll enjoy them if he doesn’t go?

    B: It’s his job.

    C: How old are you?

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  54. Laz Bowman says:

    A: seems he prefers sailors that look like girls, there’s better places to go if u that way inclined
    B: job ? who pays this wanker to write such kak
    C: I’m 32
    D: wtf has it got to do with u ?

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  55. Roger Young says:

    Give ’em enough rope. Works every time.

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  56. Yusif (Singer, Apes) says:

    Great review Max.

    It’s good to read someone who’s not scared of saying what they really think, instead of the sycophantic shite the Cape Town ‘music journalism industry’ usually brings forth.

    Obviously i disagree with you (Throatball rock!). And i’m pretty sure we kicked your arse (sonically) on Thursday night at Speedway.

    I think fans get worked up about this sort of thing way more than the bands. Anyway, keep it up!

    Do the people reading this have any suggestions for Berserker (the ‘experimental’ festival at Albert Hall)? I’d appreciate any suggestions (e.g. bands you’d like us to include).

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  57. Max's mom says:

    BWAHAHA Max says he doesn’t like to read these comments, no shit asshole, who wants to read that the overwhelming majority of ppl who stumbled on2 this site think you r a needle dick bitch with a grandeur perception of himself, shit, see you at the gigs, I’m sure they will arrange a throne for you

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  58. Womble says:

    Laz, get laid.

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  59. Max says:

    Yusuf, you beat me by about 1,5 days.

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  60. Raiven says:

    South African’s can’t read negative press without getting worked up. I find it trivial to dissect opinion’s, thoughts and feelings that offend you, take it or leave it unless it’s worth it.

    This space is supposed to be for cultural commentary, however most of the blog comments are just people insulting each other. Boring to sift through the crap to find relevant comments. It’s a blessing that we have a music industry at all, I hope the government just don’t ban it like they’re doing with online gambling and porn.

    Nice writing Max, your contextualization of a gig is great and enjoyable to read always. However, anyone who goes to gigs and listens/watches could formulate an opinion similar to one you articulate, couldn’t you tell us something we don’t know and would be interested to hear? I’m sure you read international press – NME, Uncut etc. Maybe take a leaf out of their style and adapt in your own way.

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  61. Cole says:

    The way u fags write about Alive at Midnight being emo makes me sick! If that is emo then u are the most manly men I have ever heard of. Stop sucking at life and meet people!

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  62. Mick Jagger says:

    I wanna know which Woman Girl fucked Max up so badly that he feels he has to degrade the Gender in all of his reviews. Shame dude you probably got fucked by your mother when you were a kid. Learn about the music and write about the music and the Atmosphere, not the imaginary desires that drift through your disturbed Psyche.

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  63. Mick Jagger says:

    Good review otherwise. Maybe when you go see a band or 3 then you should do a little research so you know where they come from? Just a thought.

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  64. max's little penis says:

    I take the blame,its me that makes max write kak

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  65. Perception Is Everything says:

    Bands like this belong in shitty dives on the fringes of society.

    Press is not welcome.

    Serves them right for standing in the spotlight of a venue created by popular culture.

    Max is merely playing his role a protector of the status quo.

    Big brother is watching.

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  66. Mahala says:

    This site sucks – its articles are shit.

    What is the actual point of any of them?!?!

    Only opinion? By authors no-one has ever heard of or care about?!?!

    Unknown writers critiquing music…this is like reading what plumbers have to say about heart surgery.

    What a waste of reading.

    I guess no-one would have read your blogs so you put it on this site?

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  67. muerte says:

    So what you’re saying is…you only ever read anything written by famous people. Who themselves started out as unknowns.

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  68. Anonymous says:

    max is a wart on an ugly ass, who cares?

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  69. Mahala says:

    Yes – name one unknown author? Write a book or do some actual journalism if you are unknown.

    Best you can hope for from this site is a South African Perez Hilton.

    Wonderful.

    What a waste of the internet.

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  70. blackeyeddog says:

    dear maximilian,

    firstly, you’re a big fat cock. secondly, throatball are without doubt one of the finest, most inspiring bands ever to grace assembly’s shit ridden stage. thirdly, you’re writing is like a 1st year film and media students wanky drivel when writing about his favourite romcom. fourthly, ian watson (of lithium, mamba washamba, enkeleen, monomen, great scot and throatball) is one of south africa’s most talented and underrated song writers. fifthly, you wouldn’t know this based on your self indulgent, pre-pubescent, heinous taste in music.

    out!

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  71. floof says:

    could there be any more grain in those cheap photographs?

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  72. josh says:

    “As we leave, I see my sailor girl again and now she nothing more than a port-side hooker, but maybe, just maybe, if she puts on that hat again and glues on her moustache, I’ll dream of her again.”

    best line ever.

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  73. 1of the os says:

    i thought we fucking rocked hard….

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  74. Magic says:

    @ Laz Bowman or whatever (and anyone else): Jirre dude. Music is not some sort of elitist clique where you need to ‘Know’ shit about it to know what you like and what you don’t. Music is music. If I think a band is shit, I’m not going to pretend I don’t to fit in with some sort of ‘my band’s more obscure than your’s’ crowd who play ‘who knows more unknown bands with play-on-words names and some gimmick that makes all the dirty lowlife sub-standard gig-goers like them’ for some sort of credibility that won’t make their parents love them.

    And yes, I did use enough fucking adjectives.

    If Max thought they were shit, they were shit to him. You can’t force people to enjoy something that doesn’t apeal to them.

    And you don’t need to lash out at the photographer just because Max said you couldn’t sing, floof.

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  75. Magic's boyfriend says:

    When you coming back to bed Magic? …you aren’t wanking over pictures of Max again are you???

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  76. 1of the os says:

    where the fuck is the pic of the talentless steaming shit pile ?
    Max you are a cunt of large proportion you fucking doos

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