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No Idea

Kings and Clowns

by Gary Udemans / 02.09.2010

What has a hundred legs and one pube? The queue outside Jesters in PE. Nah, it’s usually not that bad. More like a handful of birds and a family feast sized braaipack of wors. For a place that usually caters for white painted faces, black nails and emo fringes, the other night’s menu served up a jovial mix of genres with the usual copious beer drinking quota. This was my first time covering a gig. So to be honest I was a bit shaky at the kick off, but, as I remembered the words of my employer, Roger Young, prior to the gig: “enjoy yourself, be fair and have a blunt.” Or be blunt. Something to that effect.


First up we were treated to some variety in the form of Shoelace. They might have seemed a bit out of place being the only black ous in the club, but they were musically accomplished and very good to the ears. It’s a real delight when you have 3 voices, singing in key, backed up with a wall of rock and soul rhythms. Sometimes all you need is something a little unusual to have a set of winner tunes. Imagine beautiful scathamiya vocal melodies set amongst a rocking and eclectic sound that I still can’t seem to place. Shoelace just might be PE’s answer to the BLK JKS!

No Idea

Next up was a band ironically named No Idea. This made for a good time to drain my lizard and retox the alcohol stream at the not so posh, but not so kak, nuclear sub. They opened proceedings with Blur’s legendary head banger’s anthem, “Song 2”, with the untimed of a Bukkake scene. The rest of the grungy set followed suit, really, not forgetting the matching band branded T-shirts. Now that was a fantastic idea. Because for fucksakes, I wish I had my name written across my chest to ease the finding of it later. Not that I thought their music caused the forthcoming downing of tequilas, but it was pretty dirty, yet pretty nifty. And I knew we’d be getting into that rotten stuff soon. And just because they were kids didn’t mean we had to play nice.

Northærn Lights

With a band name like Northærn Lights you’d be setting yourself up for a light-hearted act, but they have however always been hard, and probably the best band on the night. Being very recent winners of a local Battle of the Bands competition, which was run at Jesters, the band was on a high. Showcasing two awesome songs that opened and closed the set respectively, the hair shaker “Haiti” and the toe tapper and crowd favourite, ‘”Worlds Apart” that we all left singing to, “tu too tu toooo tu two too two TOO! “

Captain Stu

By this part of the night I was so wasted I might have been on stage playing air guitar clutching my can of Black Label jamming alongside the headliners, Captain Stu and dreaming of KFC. Last clear thought I had was getting these lads a decent pair of shoes. Good ska always has a knack of getting you onto the dance floor but I always find it tough to make any sense of the stuff, especially being played after the kif show Northærn Lights put on. You didn’t quite twist my nipples Captain, but your stuff was cool, funky and fresh. Fun was had and heard. It was a pity about the shortage of audience, which could have added so much more gees and, uh, pubes.

*All images © Gary Udemans

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  1. luke says:

    shit. and here’s me thinking kurt cobain died in 1994.

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  2. Andy says:

    just like elvis and mother theresa, kurt just moved to PE

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  3. arf says:


    Nee, ek kak net.

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  4. Anonymous says:

    Hahahaha.Captain Stu: cool, funky and fresh in Port Elizabeth: A sad reused unoriginal and unexplorative cliche derrivative of all that is ska in the rest of the world.

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  5. G-man says:

    Kak funny read. 10 points!

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  6. Lee says:

    Nicely done! You forgot to tell people that it was a Dreamstart Celebrity gig and the Northern Lights were the Winners of the 1st Dreamstart Celebrity BandSlam…other than those missing key words it was a good read. Next gig is Foto na Dans, Sick Day September, The Northern Lights and River Road at Jesters on the 11th. And yes…its brought to you by Dreamstart Celebrity:P
    See you guys there!
    get hold of me on Facebook Mahala and I can put you on the guest list

    Lee Budler


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  7. Tim says:

    The incessant use of cliches is nauseating. 1) nuclear sub – from Guy Ritchies over-played cult film Lock Stock. 2) I knew we’d be getting into that rotten stuff soon – from Fear and Loathing.
    Clearly our man Gary is as good at writng as he is photography…shit! Sorry I just can’t take it when someone uses cliches like these to spell out to us that they are ‘cool’. Don’t worry dude you had no chance of being confused. Booyah!

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  8. kabanossi says:

    Hey you hipster critics, when did you give up on your grunge fixations? Probably a lot more recently than you’d like to admit. Just because someone in a town smaller than yours looks a tad retro doesn’t give you the right to ridicule, especially if you haven’t even heard the music that they’re making.

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  9. Brian Green says:

    Has PE ever produced any good bands?

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  10. kabanossi says:

    Has Joburg ever produced any good bands?

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  11. jesus is lord says:

    Jesters is a well known hang out for Satanists in PE. You only need to look at their piercings and make up and black clothes and Slayer t-shirts to know that. There is perfectly good rock music happening at the local churches. Come support the only real PE music scene. Come worship your Saviour through song.

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  12. Jesters Fan says:

    Satanists??? I think not…
    I wear black clothes, dark make up and have some piercings & I’m a christian so you should stop judging people on their appearances.

    And as for “What has 100 legs and 1 pube?” The answer is SWAGGERS!!!!

    “The only real PE music scene” is at Jesters, not church!

    Maybe Jesters isn’t all hip and cool and whatever else, but at least they’re trying to do something for the scene!

    Jesters FTW \m/

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  13. Andy says:

    jesus is lord – are you for real. Are piercings satanic? And Slayer tees? You must be trolling

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  14. AWESOME RYAN says:

    dude gtfo! @jesus is lord… dude you’re so lame… hahahahaa i bet if i saw you i’d lol at your face!!! and as for Cuntstart celebrity… wat a fail… you owe bands money dudes… No Idea FTW.. YOU GUYS OWN..so do northern lights.. to gary the writer… it clearly was your first time… you don’t even know jester’s man… its diverse… its not a metal club to be honest

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  15. Lee says:

    P.e has loads of talent. Northern Lights, Don’t Panic, Sick Day September, River Road, Shoelace, The Allmightys, The Regulators…the list goes on…As for your comment about Jesters…Its a place not just for Metal but for MUSIC…Dreamstart Celebrity runs gigs there that aren’t metal. They do have Awesome Metal nights but its not all that’s happening there!
    The P.e music scene is growing. It gets better and better every week.

    I enjoyed the writing Gary…come hang out with us ‘Satanists’ on the 11th again:P

    P.s…The Finkelsteins and Evolver one are from P.e…

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  16. Lee says:

    Awesome Ryan hardrocking Pope is it???
    Since when does Dreamstart Celebrity owe any bands money??? don’t talk crap about Dreamstart. We pay all our Headlining Bands upto 80% of all the door fees. We doing something positive for the scene. If you and your mates have a problem come and talk to me and stop being a coward!

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  17. AWESOME RYAN says:

    no. thats not me lol

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  18. Poes you says:

    i would like to say fuck you to the terrible “:journalist” , go suck a cock you alcoholic cunt. Oh and fuck you to the guy going on about jesters being a satanistic hangout, you obviously have no idea what you are talking about.. Whats the difference between jesus and a painting? it only takes one nail to hang a painting… Enjoy your day 🙂

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  19. Bob's a Rocker says:

    Well, i was there, a few Heinies in, i really enjoyed Shoelace, the band “played together” , well articulated, in tone, and gave a good performance.

    I felt No Idea were “playing Against” each other, they all seemed to be playing to be heard, and no cohesion in the band as a single unit existed, and overall the music ended up a very messy grunge sound, they have long way to develop still.

    Northern Lights were my favourite of the night, again, well articulated, well balanced sound, the music was well structured, and the band played ‘as a team’, they read and understood each other musically, which is a good intangible and subconscious asset any band should strive to achieve.

    However, i did not stick around for the last band, i personally dont enjoy saxophones/trumpet/brass instrument in any rock music as a stand alone instrument, very difficult sound to pull off correctly, much like a keyboard in a band, and here again, the balance musically with the keyboardist in Shoelace was well executed.

    Now how do i get on the Guest list for Saturday!!

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  20. Cheez0 says:

    the tag-line for this publication is “free your mind” but everyone is taking offense so quickly for one drunk arsed opinion i guess that’s the definition of irony (and attacking someone’s writing style-seriously?????? do you really have that much free time??)
    personally after reading this I would love to see Shoelace in action, a breath of fresh sweaty musical air is just what this city needs.

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