Written on the painful crawl back.
I’m face-planting myself into the crash barrier, jumping and generally engaging with my inner animal. In front of me: Mike and Disco, the cracked-up Kiwi bird and the mystical penguin, spit their rhymes through easily the best set of the entire festival. PHfat destroy, there is simply no other word for it, utter death by bass. It’s great to see a band who don’t take themselves seriously – Mike’s monkey impersonation is the stuff of comic legends. This is not to say that they don’t take what they do seriously, one look at Narch’s professional solidity is enough. Their sign off – ‘Oh and in case you were wondering – we’re white, we’re very very white’ – elicits a general approving throat frenzy from the fiends. Later Mike tells me that drugs are bad for your superpowers. Good man…
Imagine Jimi Hendrix on lead, Chuck Berry on rhythm, Bob Marley somehow on drums, all run through a South African filter…(and as I think this, the projected embedded racism becomes self-aware. Fuck you SA, the land where political correctness and hyper-race-sensitivity is so firmly and deeply screwed up people’s asses that your words will without fail kick up a racial shit storm)…The BLK JKS bleed suave and collected cool – Jimi flails, moves and dances like I wish I could, it’s open-consciousness sex made into musical performance…
JR shows off his cold sore
There is a dust-covered Prius glooming under a tree, someone’s caring hand has written ‘I hate trees’ and ‘Big Oil’ and ‘This is gay’ on it in dirt. And that strange word – TRONS – with a backwards ‘N’ and horns on the ‘O’…why?…
Tumi kicks out the jams, the crowd roars back to the southern sing-along – “this shit sounds like rock ‘n roll” – New Holland, playing the FHM stage at the same slot, don’t. It’s sad to see Tumi, masterfully backed by members of Isochronous and Yesterday’s Pupil on the drums, deliver an entrancing South African interpretation of Rage Against The Machine to a much smaller crowd than those Bellville cock-fags. Somebody please buy them some shirts, cut their hair, find them a new sound over the hoovering-up-a-Joy-Division-record thing they got going and let them know that their first track was fucked up out of time.
I didn’t think a thing such as indie-hardcore could exist, but Philadelphia Grand Jury are all bratty, punchy and catchy at the same time. Backed by a ferocious live punk show, this is magnificent – the only singer I saw venture right into the crowd, past the barriers, into the dance-madness, to deliver a great cover of Jay-Z’s 99 Problems. The people receive them with a hell of a lot more warmth than at their first set, on Friday – perhaps there is hope for South African audiences, I’m just glad it wasn’t Fokof playing…
Maybe that whiny excuse for a voice is exotic to most, but to me, Billy Talent is a cheese-grater to the ear. Red Flag? Really? Is that song about being gay and on your period? “We don’t need you, we don’t need you” – they wail, and fuck, we really don’t. Go back to Canadia and peddle your 2nd rate angry pop crap in some other third world country that will lap it up like it’s Zeppelin. “Thank you AFRICA!” shouts the lead singer – you backward Canadian bastard – the whole continent isn’t cheering you on, only the dumb one percent of its population. Another gem: “I fucking hate snow, you don’t get much of it here do you?”
What a way to connect with the crowd, you dipshit, tune the audience about something most of them have never seen.
I’m on the pavement outside the KFC in Northam, broken and rough and content like I haven’t been in years. A random Oppi casualty walks over, grins and gives me a carton of chips with the words “you look hungry”. The psychosis of the weekend begins to ebb, but the sense of having been a part of something great remains…
All images © Kevin Goss-Ross.
what is a “cock-fag”?
a “cock-fag” is a term used to describe something that you don’t like when you are coming down off a ton of acid and booze.
maybe he meant cock-rock fags… I dunno but it’s definitely not a term of endearment
enlightening…. thanks.
You made me puke down the hill dude.
This is terrible. Great photos.
@Kevin Goss-Ross. I think you should find a better writer to accompany your great photographic skills. The only reason I been following this Oppikoppi story is to see your photos, which may I add, say way more than the crap being written.
@ Mahala – Please don’t send this writer to review any other festivals / gigs.
Max hate is so last week. You commentors need to up your game.
wonder if max was even at the festival. saw kevin there but max was mysteriously elusive… oh and i hear there may be a creepy steve/sweatface collaboration reviewing the same festival. makes me wonder what kind of light it will throw this reporter into, he he!
Jesus. All I can say is..What a fucking cock.
Feeling lonely without your hate mail Roger? This prat makes you look relatively good. Me thinks that is the only reason he has been given the space?
…(and as I think this, the projected embedded racism becomes self-aware. Fuck you SA, the land where political correctness and hyper-race-sensitivity is so firmly and deeply screwed up people’s asses that your words will without fail kick up a racial shit storm)…
Ah, how predictable. The rapier-tongued Max plays the ‘overly sensitive, politically correct, wishy-washy liberal’ card: if you object to blatant racism (of the sort evident in his recent article), you must be uptight and hyper sensitive.
That’s straight out of the playbook of a BNP-voting British cabbie.
Rad write up! To hell with all the nay sayers about your nay saying. Commentary like yours is needed to keep pushing creativity
YOUR THOSE OF U THAT GOT MOUTH RAPED BY ME, MAKE SURE U GO TO THE DOCTOR. THAT THING ON MY LIP IS NOT A JOKE.
liam lynch and rudi cronje went up to koppi in a campervan with a camera and a lap top, where can we read their take on the festival?
Will you be posting an indepth review of the Billy Talent gig in CPT or DBN?
Kevin, marry me
“It’s sad to see Tumi, masterfully backed by members of Isochronous and Yesterday’s Pupil on the drums, deliver an entrancing South African interpretation of Rage Against The Machine to a much smaller crowd than those Bellville cock-fags”
Amen.
You stole my “indie hardcore” term by the way, you dirty Russian cock-fag. Plus you forgot to mention the Terminatryx set. Other than that, I thought your three parter was pretty spot on. The masses can have their main and FHM stages, just keep the Levi’s stage going like it has been the past two years and I’ll keep on braving Oppikoppi Throat into the far future.
@deafby40 point the way, anything that showcases the combined talents of Rudi Cronje and Liam Lynch would be interesting…
Nice photos Kevin
@deafby40
speakerbox
Jr was the best dance partner I ever had. find him for me please…
JR is – Jean Rene Onyangunga – find him on the old FB
He also stops big Red Bull jeeps driven by arrogant rich kids Gandalf style:
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs123.ash2/39491_415841321789_579881789_5271934_4424126_n.jpg
That’s not a monkey impersonation…
That’s just how I dance…
phfat own any stage i’ve ever seen them on.
yessss.
south africa is the my home
and i like it a lot
rad write up max boy! glad i’m not the only one that thinks that billy talent are shit.
Hahaha Mikey you crack me up!
thank god people saw it – Kevin’s photos are much much better than my writing. Good man.
HATE MAX
HATE MAX
HATE MAX
… that’s what we’re all doing now, right?
“Forced conversation, hidden agenda, you think we’re stupid how dare you!
The rug has not been pulled over our eyes you fool, we can see right through!
Tip toeing villain, eyes in the ceiling, your false intentions have worn thin…
But we’ve been in your room and in your closet too, we’ve got one on you!
Lies…make it better
Lies…are forever
Lies…to go home to
Lies…to wake up to
Lies…from the alter
Lies…make you falter
Lies…keep your mouth fed
Lies…till your death bed…lies
Inside an office, a fallen angel, a smiling Buddha with snake eyes,
Creates the latest trends, and I just can’t pretend, don’t call me your friend!
Lies…make it better
Lies…are forever
Lies…to go home to
Lies…to wake up to
Lies…from the alter
Lies…make ya falter
Lies…keep your mouth fed
Lies…till your death bed…lies
Lies will come back to hunt you…bullet proof your limousine
Lies will come back to hunt you…hit and run a broken dream!
Lies…make it better
Lies…are forever
Lies…to go home to
Lies…to wake up to
Lies…from the alter
Lies…make ya falter
Lies…keep your mouth fed
Lies…till your death bed…lies”
Philadelphia Grandy Jury need to come to Cape Town soon.
First write-up I’ve agreed with thus far.
Hahaha this is the lamest fucking write up ive ever read.
Please find something worth while to do with your worthless time…maybe go roadie for Billy Talent! You might learn something…
cah up done.
lock up done.
come back max we miss you.
No we dont:)
good article though!
Haha!
You’re posts from koppi have made my day!
Well doneth!
He described PHfat as “destroy” , this article was ruined by over used Generation Next cliches.
Our industry needs journalists or whatever he thinks he is like this. least he says it how it is. The truth is truth regardless of whether we believe it or not, can prove it, accept or support it. Think he is telling the truth and being honest at the same time, a rare trait in a age of where we try to be different rather than just be different. watch almost famous and start appreciating what he is doing
is mahala the only place where max writes, or can i find his articles elsewhere?
[...] And thank you for helping me cream my pants at oppikoppi, you mystical penguin you. I think Max’s first paragraph here is the best one he’s ever [...]