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Balls Out in the Bay

by Gary Udemans, images by Brett Dodds / 20.09.2010

My photographer for this gig turned out to be more photogenic than a stripper. Without me knowing at the start, he was to be a gratifying segment of the evening’s entertainment. The evening started weird. I felt bewildered when we were inked with a “+18” stamp to the wrist at the door of what was dubbed an all age’s party at Jesters, that shining beacon of the PE nightlife. I personally love surprises. Especially the astonished look of a few gawking parents when the stripper shook her money maker and pierced nipples in front of their kids.

Dressed in a lumo cap, goggle frames, randomly slapped-on face paint and a fur coat, Brett Dodds was by far the strangest character in the place. Even the penis shaped straw I was sucking my brandy through seemed rather normal in comparison to him. Unlike Dodds, who would later proceed to walk to a Steers, 12 kilometers around the corner, rather than sitting through the Foto Na Dans set, I having attended an English speaking high school found it hard to digest the theatrical Afrikaans lyrics of the headlining act. The music seemed overly governed by some of the more unappealing aesthetics of this genre, that involves maatjies from the whine lands, lots of keyboard and monotony. The evening was saved by my eccentric photographer even though he didn’t own a guitar let alone play one.

Attack

Fortunately during Northern Lights’ set, Dodds had left the venue in a frantic search for Red Bull as he was “this close” to dive tackling the afro sporting front man of the evening openers, River Road. Adding, “this geriatric pop is upsetting my finely tuned chakras” before he ran out the door. Although I felt the local pre-pubescent rockers were quite an articulate live act who caught the crowd’s fancy with their musicianship and (spare the aww’s) cuteness. With a bit more maturity to their sound, some vocal arrangements and some deeper voices, they could very well make some panties drop. And by cute, I mean the female bassist who told a Justin Bieber joke that nobody quite caught but laughed nonetheless. She had us at Justin Bieber.

Belinda

While we’re on the subject of panty dropping, why not go hog wild – Belinda, the surprise stripper that put the cherry on the tit of this Dreamstart Celebrity gig, attracted a frenzy of teenager gawkers to the foot of the stage and raised more than just a few eyebrows at the back. Sick Day September is one of the longer standing punk-rock bands in the Bay, revealed the topless stripper during their catchy hit “I Wanna See You Naked!” Where was Dodds for his promised dive tackle? At least he managed to get a picture of the stripper.

According to sources present at the Steers, 12 kilometers away, a Hen Party rocked up and Dodds soon occupied the backseat of their abandoned limousine. Apparently when confronted by the malevolent limo driver, getting on all fours and behaving like an ape diverted what could have been an ugly altercation. Nobody fucks with crazy.

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