Transformers Falls Hardby Zoe Henry / 26.06.2009
Once again alien robots have arrived on earth with intentions of destruction. The Americans must be relieved that it’s not the White House or the Empire State Building that’s getting blown up this time. What difference does it make if one of the Egyptian pyramids gets ripped apart, right? There are like a hundred others.
Revenge of the Fallen picks up where the first Transformers left off. Sam (Shia LeBeouf) is going heading to college and pursuing a long distance relationship with Michaela (Megan Fox). College life gets off to an average start. Sam meets his roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez), goes to classes, and meets a hot chick who takes a liking to him. But Sam is having weird fits where he temporarily has a photographic memory and sees Egyptian symbols. Clearly, something bad is afoot.
Ok, now I’m not even going to pretend I know what this plot is supposed to be about. There are far too many robots with names that aren’t words, and stuff that goes boom. So to simplify, the bad guys want to kill Sam and blow up the sun. I don’t think it’s ever explained why they want to destroy the sun. Perhaps there’s an age old feud going on that I don’t know about? The only chance the good guys have of beating the bad guys is if a Prime fights them. Unfortunately, the only Prime we know has been killed. Luckily there is this key in Egypt that will bring him back, so off to the land of the Sphinx they all go.
This film takes too much for granted. The short time it takes for everyone to get to Egypt, including, for some reason, Sam’s parents. The fact that the magical key is destroyed and then magically fixes itself with the power of love or some such nonsense. And that Michaela, who lived through all she did in the last film, would still chance wearing a pair of stilettos, making running away very difficult. It’s a complete special-effects orgy, perhaps in the hopes to distract us from the ridiculous story. The performances are fine. All the characters are pretty one-dimensional, so hard to mess up I reckon. Special mention must go to Hawaiian Tropic for the entire cast’s audible tans. They are spellbinding. And Ramon Rodriguez sports the amazing ability to remain clean- shaven for the entire film without ever getting near a washbasin, let alone a razor.
I came away feeling I’ve learnt something. Never wear white jeans when going on a rescue mission. No amount of Omo will get those stubborn, shrapnel stains out. And robots have feelings and personalities. So next time my DVD player packs in, I’ll be sure to give it a decent burial.
Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Ramon Rodriguez, John Turturro
Opens Friday 26 June.