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Transformers Falls Hard

Transformers Falls Hard

by Zoe Henry / 26.06.2009

Once again alien robots have arrived on earth with intentions of destruction. The Americans must be relieved that it’s not the White House or the Empire State Building that’s getting blown up this time. What difference does it make if one of the Egyptian pyramids gets ripped apart, right? There are like a hundred others.

Revenge of the Fallen picks up where the first Transformers left off. Sam (Shia LeBeouf) is going heading to college and pursuing a long distance relationship with Michaela (Megan Fox). College life gets off to an average start. Sam meets his roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez), goes to classes, and meets a hot chick who takes a liking to him. But Sam is having weird fits where he temporarily has a photographic memory and sees Egyptian symbols. Clearly, something bad is afoot.

Ok, now I’m not even going to pretend I know what this plot is supposed to be about. There are far too many robots with names that aren’t words, and stuff that goes boom. So to simplify, the bad guys want to kill Sam and blow up the sun. I don’t think it’s ever explained why they want to destroy the sun. Perhaps there’s an age old feud going on that I don’t know about? The only chance the good guys have of beating the bad guys is if a Prime fights them. Unfortunately, the only Prime we know has been killed. Luckily there is this key in Egypt that will bring him back, so off to the land of the Sphinx they all go.

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This film takes too much for granted. The short time it takes for everyone to get to Egypt, including, for some reason, Sam’s parents. The fact that the magical key is destroyed and then magically fixes itself with the power of love or some such nonsense. And that Michaela, who lived through all she did in the last film, would still chance wearing a pair of stilettos, making running away very difficult. It’s a complete special-effects orgy, perhaps in the hopes to distract us from the ridiculous story. The performances are fine. All the characters are pretty one-dimensional, so hard to mess up I reckon. Special mention must go to Hawaiian Tropic for the entire cast’s audible tans. They are spellbinding. And Ramon Rodriguez sports the amazing ability to remain clean- shaven for the entire film without ever getting near a washbasin, let alone a razor.

I came away feeling I’ve learnt something. Never wear white jeans when going on a rescue mission. No amount of Omo will get those stubborn, shrapnel stains out. And robots have feelings and personalities. So next time my DVD player packs in, I’ll be sure to give it a decent burial.

Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Ramon Rodriguez, John Turturro
Opens Friday 26 June.

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RESPONSES (5)
  1. Nathan Zeno says:

    It’s a sad state of affairs when we obsess about something so obvious. Transformers is not even a well made Michael Bay film sure, but it has Robots! and they fight! and Megan Fox! (who may not be a robot, but sure as shit is a machine!) Sweaty! Running! In Tight! Clothes! Who needs plot?

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  2. ZXWEEGONE3 says:

    WHC SNF CC FIT JJJKK JFM FO

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  3. Miles says:

    Michael Bay ‘making well made films’. That must have happened in some other dimension. The one I live in he made ‘Pearl Harbour’. I have no idea how he managed to trun that film into a pile of shit. I mean come ww2 + dogfights + Hawai, thats a hard combination to mess up. Oh yea I know how he messed it up. Ben Affelck.

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  4. Nathan Zeno says:

    a well made micheal bay film is The Rock, and that’s not say say it’s a well made film, just a well made michael bay film. Trans2 is not even a well made michael bay film.

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  5. Tumi Molekane says:

    I dont know if you remember in the last Transformers the character Jazz was voiced by a black actor in a stereotypical comedic relief way. you dont, well like most hollywood movies he was the one autobot that died (of the good guys) in fact sacrificed. Well the 2nd Transformers has topped that by having these two autobots Skids and Mudflap who speak jive, cannot read, and are obvious black stereotypical caricatures. amazing. I watched this flick in Centurion PTA and I did not find them two as funny as the rest of the audience did. the actor who voiced the robots said “If he had uploaded country music, he would have come out like that. It could easily be a Transformer that uploaded Kevin Federline data. They were just like posers to me.” posing as what?

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