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Dances with Jackals

by Nathan Zeno / 24.04.2010

Witness the poster for Jakhalsdans. See the ears of Theuns Jordaan and the subtle suggestion of a guitar. Marvel at the abiltity of Elizma Theron to simulaneously play a blonde woman and a cheeky little brunette, think about the dramatic prowess of Christina Storm and then you will understand why Neil Sandilands looks so godddam depressed.

From a distance Jakhalsdans may look to you like a sappy Afrikaans flick but it’s actually a deeply subversive AWB plot, exactly the kind of propaganda that the Juju has been trying to warn us about. The press release has it all: “However, she soon discovers that her plans for a new life are in jeopardy because the town’s primary school, where she is employed, is about to be closed down by the education authorities… Mara has everything to lose if the school cannot be saved and she is determined that that will not happen.” It’s obvious that Jakhalsdans is counter-revolutionary right wing propaganda designed to teach Afrikaans people to disregard and overcome the Education Authorities. Neil Sandilands is a depressed superhero who with the help of his sidekick Theuns saves the oppressed, self-duplicating and shape-shifting mutant Mara from the clutches of the evil and unseen Authority. Christina Storm guest appears as Sandiland and the Authority’s love child, after everyone has learnt to get along.

Sadly, no. Jakhalasdans is really about Mara, a women who turns to “local musician Dawid le Fleur [who] suggests that the money could be raised by holding a music concert”. ‘n Musiek konsert! How much money? Half a million Rand, that’s how much. How is she going to raise that much money? “What Mara does not know is that her reclusive neighbour is actually the famous singer and composer Ruan Landman… But before they can join forces for the good of the community, they first have to learn a couple of life’s lessons.” I wonder what these life lessons will be? Something about how children are the future and we must teach them well and let them lead the way? Show them all the beauty they possess inside? Or how single mothers always need some rich guy to “save” them? Maybe Christina teaches Elizma how to pluck her eyebrows or Neil learns about the dangerous effect of windmills on sideburns? The one lesson we can learn from the poster alone is that Darryl Roodt has just made his Afrikaans version of Father Hood unfortunately for him if Jakhaldans makes half the money Father Hood did, it’ll be considered a hit.

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