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Not Another Jazz Venue

Not Another Jazz Venue


KAK. Heres a hint, Cape to Cuba, you want to be taken seriously as a live music venue, get two letter zeds so that you can spell “Jazz” without looking like your pre-schoolers ate your fridge magnets.

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  1. haha says:

    and here’s a hint to mahala: get yourself a photo journalist who can find something better than a funny Z on the whole of Long Street during this wonderful chaos.
    Really? Is that what it takes to incense the mahala trolls? A squiff Z? I’m voting KAK – for the effort.
    “Oh Man! Check that Z! IT IS NOT EVEN REAL!! I’m getting a fucking photo, the internet needs to know about this!’

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  2. Roger Young says:

    Dude, get a fucking sense of humour.

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  3. brian says:

    haha became hero of the day

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  4. Berta says:

    Mahala is ‘n stupid!

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  5. Jen4 says:

    I second haha! This is such ridiculous nit-pickery. Oh, and Roger Young, who needs a sense of humour? The guy who laughed at your stupid post, or Mahala writer (presumably you) who saw this and thought, “Oh, I’m so petty, I’ve found a great way of slagging of the Cape to Cuba. They only have one ‘Z’. Now, I think I’m so smart I’m not jus going to keep this in my head… I’m going to tell everyone! Yay me!”.


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  6. Roger Young says:

    Oh Cape Town, you’re so precious. Steel yourself. This was just a warm up volley.

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  7. You don't know me anyways says:

    Yus, Capetonians are a sensitive bunch.

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  8. Jen4 says:

    A warm-up volley of what? Lame, imperceptive, bottom-of-the-barrel shit-slinging? You mean this is just a warm-up? To what inartistic depths of idiocy do you plan on plunging yourself Mr. Young?

    Actually, please keep it to yourself and go back to Durban as soon as you can. kthnxbye

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  9. Roger Young says:

    ooohhhhh, using outdated phrase memes as put downs, I’m scared, let me rush back to my comfort zone. Lets see what depths I can plunge to, I’m sure you’ll be reading and expressing outrage.

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  10. parow power says:

    oh my fat sack…Cape Townians are lame….

    Poes-commen–fokkof hoss!

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  11. Minister of law and order says:

    Just get a double z already. Swak!

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  12. Minister of law and order says:

    PS: Voting Kif, because standards are.

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  13. ra ka says:


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  14. scipio says:

    Ah Jen you blew it. You were right there; my hero! Flaming the ‘net with righteous indignation and bright eyed fury and then, with that limp closing you just had to turn into a fusty old cat-lady with her wee in a froth whinging to get noticed. Pity

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  15. Oh noez says:

    that Z has ruined my day : (

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  16. Jen4 says:

    I was joking, you cocksuckers. So I said ‘kthnxbye’, big hooray.

    I love the fact you Mahala writers seem to think you justify any of your bullshit observations with the now standard-issue retort: “Oh you’ll keep coming back to read.” Of course I will. We all take great pleasure in other people’s shitness. We revel in it. Especially Roger Young – he’s attracted to shit like a flies. Ripping off shitness is what half of his articles are based on. So, he rips off shitness and writes 1000 words on it, I rip of his shitness in 50 words, and the cycle of pettiness unravels all the way down until we get to grammar shit-slinging etc.


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  17. Roger Young says:

    “Keep coming back” is just an observation Jen4, that’s all. When I don’t like something I tend to not bother going back. But you’re right, I do revel in the shit 50% of the time, being aware of shit is how you learn to avoid it.

    it’s not your grammar i was slinging shit at, it was your use of an outdated phrase meme. Sorry I didn’t read that you were using it ironically.

    Here, however, is the crux of the matter, as a writer I observe, my eye is always caught by details, then I write about them. Telling me I shouldn’t write about some detail I see because you feel my writing reaches “inartistic depths of idiocy” is like me telling you you shouldn’t comment because you have bad grammar skills.

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  18. Jen4 says:

    That was a very reasoned reply Roger (pardon the alliteration), so I’ll lay off you. But re: your analogy – “Telling me I shouldn’t write about some detail I see because you feel my writing reaches “inartistic depths of idiocy” is like me telling you you shouldn’t comment because you have bad grammar skills.”

    – well that’s totally true. But in both cases, writing full of half-assed wit and trite observations, OR posts full of poor grammar — the value of both is lessened as a result, no? So we can all write as much as we goddamn want, we just can’t expect anyone to take us seriously. And I’m afraid, saying this in as pleasant tones as I can muster with my cynical tongue, I can’t take this post very seriously.

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  19. Roger Young says:

    It’s a Kif or Kak, I hope no-one takes it seriously. It’s a passing joke, more often then not they’re ill considered or badly stated. A missing Zed hardly warrants deeper thought than that.

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  20. lekker krekker says:

    i think Jen and Roger are about to get it on… is this foreplay… or merely wordplay?

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  21. scipio says:

    Jen; sorry buddy but people who make up words like “lessened” and “shitness” shouldn’t really comment on other peoples grammar. There is no moral high ground to be had here; its rather like being mugged by a three year old in a bobble hat

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  22. brandon edmonds says:

    This dumb missing Z is symptomatic of bigger problems at Mahala. The inanely narrow focus of most articles. (Yes, I’m aware I’ve just written about my own moody member). The lack of a strong ‘house style’ – a way of seeing and writing about the world that’s valid, accurate and unique. No consistency. Instead we get laughable highs and lows in quality. The lack of funding to research articles, develop them fully. The lack of editorial oversight. Etc. etc. I could go on, but whatever. The clock on this thing is definitely ticking. I’m a rat on a sinking ship. Anyone need a writer?

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  23. Roger Young says:

    Wow, I can see Cape Town is going to be a real laugh a minute. Fuck Edmonds, get out of your house a little.

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  24. Jen4 says:

    @ scipio

    Fuck you. Creating perfectly legitimate neologisms such as ‘shitness’ or even ‘lessened’ (which happens to have been a word long before I said it, you unlettered little cunt) has nothing to do with ‘grammar’. Oh my lord, you are a unstrapped moron.

    @ edmonds

    I second you on this. The digital medium both favours and condemns Mahala. It means they can _get_ _away_ with writing shit that wouldn’t appear anywhere else, but it also means that they can get away writing _shit_ that wouldn’t appear anywhere else. This website is cobbled. Half of the articles are superbly narcissistic, the other half are plainly idiotic. Some articles are gorgeously written, others are written by illiterates without sense for wit or flourish. Mostly, I agree with the sentiment being dished around here that this site has become like an overzealous blog. The lack of editorial oversight and coherency means this rag-tag collection of aspiring writers’ personal opinions will never be taken seriously.

    It’s such a shame, because when it comes to the written word, this country sucks! Where are our magazines? One Small Seed (don’t make me retch), SL (someone hold back my hair)? Where’s our Vanity Fair, our New Statesman, our Sight & Sound, our Edge, our Esquire? Where the fuck do all the decent writers go? You read guys who can write well on this website, like Brandon Edmonds, Kavish Chetty, Roger Young, Sean o’ Toole etc. and you think, why the fuck are these guys wasting their time on here?

    Also, don’t really have many women writing on here, do ya?

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  25. Roger Young says:

    We’re wasting on our time on here because we created it because there was no one else to write for. And there is the beauty and the problem, we’re self regulating.

    As to the women issue, we have a couple who come and go but they get book deals or run off to make movies or write plays. I promise that getting more women for to write for mahala is a major concern for me. Getting women at any price is a concern for Edmonds.

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  26. brandon edmonds says:

    Ouch. Don’t get me wrong. This is a great site. We all know that. There’s nothing local out there to touch it: Vice, please (it’s default scuzzy dude-view is awful), S&L: yah, right (has the depth of a pin prick), onesmallseed: willfully in thrall to the mistaken belief that we can ‘green engineer’ our way out of the mess capitalism goes on making. I’m just saying, we’ve been shitty lately. It depresses me, given the potential and all the hard work that’s gone into getting us here.

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  27. Captain Lombard says:

    I’ve voiced it elsewhere – I too am depressed by what I’m reading on Mahala lately. What about publishing less, but actually editing some of the work? Lets face it – Mahala will never be great if it doesn’t have a strong editor. At this stage it’s really just a blog with multiple writers.

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  28. Andy says:

    Brandon, I mean Captain Lombard, please, no need to invent pseudonyms to reiterate your ideas. (Yes, I checked the IPs). Mahala, we’re a work in progress. Independent, original and entirely unfunded. I’m impressed with what we’ve been able to create thus far. I’m actually very proud of it. We’ll only get better. When we’re good, we’re sublime. When we’re kak, we’re kak. It’s a process. The hardest part is not succumbing to the darkness, the black dog. It’s rough out there as an independent start up magazine. You’re one of our finest writers. An original voice. Next time send me an email…

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  29. Jen4 says:


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  30. Andy says:

    oh and Jen4… if you’re a woman and feel like contributing drop me a line… andy@mahala.co.za

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  31. Roger Young says:

    Fuck man, all they did was lose a zed, you people need lives.

    (oh shit, i forgot to post that under a pseudonym)

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  32. scipio says:


    I believe in this case it’s ‘an’ as opposed to ‘a’ – as in “an unstrapped moron” (even unlettered cunts like me know that one). “A” opposed to “an” only if the “u” sounds like a “y” – English is a bitch huh? better brush up

    And on a point of order: neologisms tend to arise from the tidal forces of time and culture, not at the whim of low art pseudo intellectuals trying to assert themselves. I made up quite a few words of my own on reading some of your posts and confess to laughing out loud at most of them

    As far as where all the decent writers are? Sadly, I suspect they emigrated along with the decent doctors, lawyers, window-cleaners, barmen, lorry drivers and trout impersonators

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  33. Jen4 says:

    “…arise from the tidal forces of time and culture”

    – time and culture. The two biggest bullshit justifications for anything. The two last refuges of the prejudiced, the moronic and those bereft of logic.

    Anyway, let’s take you up on this, let’s be all petty.

    The ‘a’ instead of the ‘an’ was obviously just a slip of the fingers, or a careless omission. If you used your head and powers of perception, you’d be able to tell that someone that can write the way I can wouldn’t have an ingrained or intentional misunderstanding of indefinite articles.

    You had a problem with me using ‘lessened’ yet it resides in your beloved dictionary.

    Now you have a problem with me using ‘shitness’. Sorry, what’s your point? That I’m a poorer speaker, or writer because I playfully and consciously manipulate words (without obscuring my meaning in any sense)?

    Okay, there’s my morning pettiness indulged for the day. I really wish that this website wasn’t totally anonymous. I mean, it’s the only way you can get people to actually leave comments, because it’s so hassle free, but it’s totally unaccountable and therefore tempts everyone to drop flames, be vicious, be petty…

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  34. scipio says:

    @Jen Its not that you are a poor writer, not by any measure although I’d hesitate to eat with that mouth. I do apologise if I hurt your feelings by being petty or vicious but what is good for the goose…yes? perhaps the people you so hotly criticised also felt that they were playfully and consciously manipulating words as well. just a thought

    I think you’re being somewhat disingenuous Jen – you are not being at all playful, are you? quite the contrary – rather too quick with the f-ing and blinding, a bit keen aren’t we?

    As far as accountability, well you’re welcome to send me a PM at mchlbarnard@gmail.com

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  35. Jen4 says:

    @ scipio

    When I said ‘accountability’, I was talking about myself as much as anyone else. I’m guilty of being seriously petty on this thread (almost as petty as old Young and his original post), and the reason I swear so much is ’cause I know I probably don’t know any of you. So I get my rapid-fire catharsis by throwing out a bunch of Fs and Cs, as they say, job done.

    Anyway, let’s all just get along, I’m tired of antagonism. Let’s do a 68, scipio, ie: you do me and I’ll owe you one? k?

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  36. scipio says:

    @ Jen

    Really big of you; Nice one!

    i shall look out for you in the deep water

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  37. Haha says:

    Oh man, looks like my comment kicked off some fu.
    Based on how I managed to obiviously inflame this by-common-consensus kak picture into an indepth and self reflective look into the soul of the Mahala crew, I should win some form of prize. Maybe that errant editors position.

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  38. Haha says:

    oh yes, and in response to Rodger Youngs initial response: I think the issue is that I do indeed have a sense of humour, which is lost and lonely in this thread, but its sound advice so suggest it to whomever took the photo.

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  39. Roger Young says:

    Well, Haha if you count up the repeats and the kif or kaks, it’s an even draw.

    As to sense of humor, well, if you don’t “get” what a kif or kak is (a shout out to something lame, petty or rad) and you want it to be something deeper then you don’t have one.

    “Oh Man! Check that Z! IT IS NOT EVEN REAL!! I’m getting a fucking photo, the internet needs to know about this!’ is EXACTLY what I thought when I took this picture and the hundred or so others in the section over the last year. Because that’s what the internet is for!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Spending more than 2 seconds on it is just being humorless and anal.

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  40. Andy says:

    fuckit. you can have a t-shirt Haha. If you can find me

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  41. Haha says:

    Andy, you sir are a gentleman! I’ll find you below the skew Z!

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  42. duckstraw says:

    i hope that z is well stuck up because if it slips down and dangles sideways, the sign might just say ‘haydn and the hotNots’.

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  43. creepy steve says:

    this is my favorite comments thread, i think mahala should be shit and dispoesable ,disposeable content. people try always seem to associate writing with some kind of romantic ideal what about all the other forms of written communication in thier relevant styles like legal letters or instructional material, really all this concern with standards
    @ captain lombard coward: i think on the internet being prolific more important than worrying about quality. if this site did’nt update every day i would’nt come back (for reals)

    i wish my articles got as much debate as this. it’s funny the people with the strongest opnions on what it should or should’nt be arn’t contributers the old line stands “everyone’s a critic”

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  44. creepy steve says:

    oh yes and capetown please keep rodger

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  45. boon says:

    the author obviously doesn’t dig jazz….
    I find the title of the this piece to be quite ironic as there really are not enough live jazz venues in Cape Town – a big issue for most jazz musicians trying to find suitable venues to perform at…
    Anyway I happened to be at that gig on the 11th June and the Lisa Bauer Jazz Band was awesome! Excellent musicians all round. It’s a pity that the focus falls on a small aspect of the advertising and there is no critique on the actual event and live jazz itself.

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