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The Golden Ticket

The Golden Ticket


Okay [insert witty insult here] we got ONE DOUBLE TICKET ONLY to Saturday’s gig. And the next Saturday. And the next Saturday. Until the end of the year. Yes! You could have a plus one on the guest list for every Saturday at The Assembly until the end of the year. And all you have to do is tell us why Max Bareshenkov should be fired! [Hint: It’s a New Holland gig]. Here on the comments thread! Let the hating commence! Include your email addy in comment if you want to get the golden ticket.

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  1. bread says:

    Well, he doesn’t really like them very much….


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  2. Anonymous says:

    Because it’ll give a certain Mahala contributor the opportunity to come up with an even more pretentious pseudonym:-)

    anyasinsouthafrica at gmail dot com

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  3. limey rick says:

    So New Holland and Max are not friends
    They clearly can not make amends
    But in butt-kissing fashion
    When looking to cash in
    It’s Max that Mahala expends

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  4. Matt Griffiths says:

    Look I can rhyme too!

    There was a young writer named max
    who didn’t like new holland’s tracks
    Poor Max got condemned
    And now he must spend
    the rest of his life waxing backs

    Actually he should get fired so he no longer has to endure the SA music scene which he loves to hate so much. Maybe he’d be a happier guy if he wasn’t so permanently upset with the state of our music industry… 😛

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  5. Aidan says:

    He is an ass fire him.

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  6. Pikkieroux says:

    Because New Holland is Maxed out…

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  7. Anonymous says:

    Because Max is jealous of Teejay’s hair.

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  8. freddied says:

    because he slept with the boss’ wife?

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  9. Max says:

    cuz he’s a cunt? yes, he most def is

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  10. Duran says:

    cause he has to do his conscription in the russian army, and they don”t like indie-boys round those parts.

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  11. Max says:

    durag, haha, too true

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  12. Anonymous says:

    You should fire Max because he could be the downfall of the current regieme of the SA music scene itself.

    Lets look at the music scene here honestly. And lets focus on CT specifically.
    Bands gain followings through loyalties to start. Friends and family. How many of you know a band thats not very good but you stand by them cause they’re your friends (and how many of you get a kick out of telling people you know so and so from such and such band?). Other bands that get attention for actually being good get negative reception from the established ‘loyalty’ bands because, i like to think, they know they really suck and dont like no haughty upstarts with talent making a scene and setting a benchmark they cant aspire to.

    But anyway:
    You start a band. You have some options. You can make bland safe rock, hard rock, metal, indie, or jump on the coke inspired rock n roll trend that everyone tried to grab a piece of recently. You will probably choose this option because it will speak to more of your rock and roll fantasies.
    This decision will play a big part in your band. You may think you will write original moving music regardless of your chosen medium, but the scene here will have other ideas for you, so you may as well leave them behind now and get that out the way.

    You may have some ideals of integrity or musical originality, but the SA music scene has been built around the opinions of some people, and those people are getting old now, think they’ve seen it all before and know what is best and forget that this opinion is decades out of date. But they find comfort in the cyclic nature of ‘rock’ bands, so SA will always be founded in this basic platform.

    Anyway: Start a metal / emocore / heavy band and your CT horizons are as follows: Practice. A lot. If you’re any good as a metal band, you need to be a technical wizard to stand out at all. So, work hard. For a long long time. Now it’s time to gig: Your options – ROAR! You will be playing ROAR from your first gig to your last. Your worst and best gigs will be held here. You will sometimes get to play Klien Libertas, Muzone (if you join their club) and even the Wynberg Sports club. Mercury, who used to enforce an apparent ‘no metal’ policy, have started conceding metal bands so you may even get an upstairs mercury gig when they run out of other options. Even the purple turtle has a no metal policy now.
    You will sometimes get paid, but mostly not. You will print small merch runs and they will sell, but slowly, so will have serious doubt about releasing an album. Beg borrow and steal favours for a music video, you’re not getting paid to be in this band so dont expect much. People will probably take you less seriously after seeing your sub-par budgetless music video, but you tried. This will go on for a long long time and not change much. Maybe you used to be in a cool band like Lithium, through which you ‘know a guy’ and hook up a gig through Assembly. But Assembly will never come a-knockin. None of them will. Beg for gigs.

    Second option: Safe bland Rock. These guys get a lot of shit, but they have good intentions. Its just that music is something they do, not something they feel. They probably worked hard at school as well. They are kinda clean cut and are going nowhere but seem to do so optimistically cause they’re nice guys. They will be so detached from the mechanics of the music scene that they will play a lot of open mic nights and venues you have never heard of that mostly function as restaurants, and they will play afternoon gigs and gigs on Sundays. They start to add more covers to their gig list as they realise they can get paid more for weddings. they might release an album. It will feature a stock photograph of an accoustic guitar on the cover and they will probably do some more songs everyone knows and loves. Maybe adding a zany rocking hint to a contemporary classic like ‘Buttercup’. they will make a music video with other people who dont know anything about the music industry either, and so they will take it very very seriously and it will sell well to other people who know nothing about the industry but figure these guys are taking shit very very seriously, so they must be good.

    Indie rock, trend ‘rock n roll’ and other fad based music will come and go constantly, peaking quickly and then fading. They will play assembly, a lot. They will play rocking the daisies and then think they dese3rve a spot on ramfest. All their trendy friends will love it and hype it up. They will go to their first live music gig in 2 months and rave about how amazing they are, at the top of the SA crop. Many beautiful girls will attend the shows and everyone will feel cool and popular ordering drinks at the bar and hitting on each other. The band will be secondary. They must dress within the trend uniform, but are allowed a little edge. Maybe a cool scarf or ironic bowling shoes. their film school student friends will make them lots of free music videos and they will record one or two albums that will receive rave reviews from all their trendy friends who work for SL or that aging stable at LMG. Their graphic design friends will do cool designs for them and everyone will take their cue and decide: yes, this is now, this is cool, it must be good.

    The industry will sit back and watch it all play out again and again and again. No one says too much cause when the fad bands are big everyone wants a piece. For a short while they become a sure bet, then they become oversaturated, and then they become yesterdays band. they will break up and members will go on to form more bands that go through the same motions.

    Rock and roll bands have edge and make people feel like they have attitude and are cool like the rock and roll pioneers they saw on the TV in that moving documentary that they felt so connected with or something. I dont know. But decades later and in whatever new version this trend has currently cropped up in, they are a tired cliche.
    Indie bands are fun and have hooks and allow you to be the silly dork you always were coming out of highschool, but allows you claim some of it back for yourself as you realise this could mean some form of identity. Then you go and shop at jay jays or something for the uniform and find all those iconic images from yesterday or comic book references suddenly matter. cardigans are essential, and serious business. You’re hip and cool suddenly because you clearly ‘dont give a fuck’ by giving so much of a fuck.
    They will pretend their silly lyrics are very deep and heartfelt and moving. They will suddenly break from the birdge / chorus / bridge chorus / brid-UNEXPECTED chorus standard indie rock formula to do a moving 30 second guitar / synth whine that everyone feels is very moving.

    Among all this there leaves very little room for actual, fearless, honest, creativity.
    If the music industry would turn on these petty photocopies more often and straight shooting opinion became the industry norm (as in the UK and USA, where you dont have to know the reviewer, or put on an okay tight set that matches a predefined notion of what should be done, but actually have to IMPRESS, get them to notice, and not because the scene is so luke warm any shaking of the boat is immedietly haralded as amazing) then things might change. And change is scary!

    It’s a sad state of affairs that if someone were to say, ‘Whose dick do I need to suck to get a break’ – you could draw up a list of around 10 essential cocks that will mean success. It is the reality. Certain venues. Certain publications. Certain people. Certain bands. Certain networks. You need to roll with these guys, where you can be mediocre and a success, or you need to be really fucking unashamedly good. And the second option is a rare one.

    Our artists should work for us. This limp wristed bullshit they feed us in the guise of arrogance as if they’re doing us the half assed favours by listening to successful bands, and then trying to sound the same (while not sounding too similar) as the album they downloaded off the internet last night.

    Who will be the shining light, the flaming baton that sets this ark alight and drowns it in the cleansing flood.

    Max is heading in that dangerous direction. Roger could, but he still plays himself into his reviews with too little surgical objectivity for it not to reek of ‘look at me’. Whatever will happen to our precious music scene if this is the future of the review? When actual talent might become an aspect of the performance or release?
    Things would be mighty awkward. When someone who notices that the whole scene is mostly fad based and boring, and comments as such, despite getting constant fire for trashing everything? The picture max paints of the scene is too realistic. It’s too honest. We dont like that. I’d rather question his qualifications, and his use of ethnic descriptions or sexual commentary, in the face of mediocrity. I’d rather ignore the fact that the lad is clearly hungry to be blown away, but that the real disappointment is largely the music itself.

    Fire him! Quick!
    Make Mahala a safer place!

    My email address is ‘fuckthisshit@killthisscene.co.za’
    I look forward to endless saturdays at assembly! I am especially excited to see ‘New Holland’ again because they are the best.

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  13. Anonymous says:

    max, you have at least one creepy fan. i hope it makes you feel better.

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  14. Roger Young says:

    I apologize for the inference that we were even thinking of firing Max, it was meant as sarcasm not as actual intention.

    We could never fire him. He works for free. Yes, Max eats all the shit he does for no money, because he’s honest and he has a burning need to express himself. He keeps us honest. It’s why he’s valuable, probably the most valuable music writer in the country right now.

    As to the Anonz up above. Slow Clap, my friend, slow clap.

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  15. matthew says:

    Because he works for free…and know one likes a suck up !

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  16. overload says:

    all good music is driven by social dynamics that push talented souls to use more of their brains to express and survive- in the age of instant gratification and info overload we find music thats gets dimmer like a cassette tape thats been copied from a copy ect the concept of a “band” is so beatles-and you aint gonna top it-why do people play music? to delve into the fabric of conciousness and map invisible feelings that have little to do with the status quo?-or to provide entertainment that blows the roof off our information threshhold and provides trancendence even if its in its most basic form.? we live in the youtube age where watchin a clip of a guitarist playing the blues with his toes is more rewarding than embracing a new format of sound-the scene has become like an inbred dwarf-information fantasies playing out in a priveleged karaoke bar. “rockstar” “rock and roll” “guitar hero” “god” “art” we are supporting outdated concepts that are not rooted in reality .If music is a special code then we need to change our decoders-we stuck on the same channels and it sucks .so good on reviewers who challenge – just dont get stuck on reactionary row

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  17. Eva says:

    You should fire Max…Cause God said so!

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  18. Anonymous says:

    I’m always intrigued by individuals who can assumptively put weight behind their own statements, and more often than not i cant help but feel disdain for them. Critical thinking, in its broadest sense has been described as “purposeful reflective judgment concerning what to believe or what to do”, Immediatly i find fault, lyrically (if you have been listening?), judgement and prosecution is what we’ve been fighting against since 2002 (fokofpolisiekar debut) my music and my generation (that would include you) are my fortitude. If you’re not being paid to write like a naïve fool, then dont do it for free. The fight for expressive freedom is forever ongoing, and the music you hate is the music that gives you a voice (a point worth remebering i’ say). Next time you dont like the song, skip the track…


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  19. Ian says:

    info of above anon statement.

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  20. fish says:

    Wow! such big words for such a young boy! Max, the music industry in s.a over the last 3 years has exploded beyond our imagination, however you were only 19 and admiring your first pubic hair. We have Goldfish who hase a residency in Ibiza, Just Ginger who made it in the US, LocknViille playing gigs in New York, and Die Antwoord playing live in the US, Canada and Belguim for over 40 000 people. Lets not forget the Parlotines who are world known. Kirstenbosch is sold out all summer in CT and it’s not for cool weather. The last 2 summers in a row we have sat in the pissing rain and watched Seether play, we got soaked but for him it’s worth it. Finally, this year was the 1st year the Oppikoppie sold out, our dance festivals, Oppi, Synergy and rocking the daisies are becoming of an international level, people are flying from all around the world to see our talent, our women and our weather.

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  21. dinosaur sr says:

    Is this the same Fish that used to sing for Marillion? No wonder his taste in South African music is so crap.

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  22. Max says:

    hey fish
    in case you didn’t get it – i didn’t write that.
    but your choice of mentioned bands leaves me with a sour aftertaste

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  23. Ian says:

    Which music do you listen to, Max?

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  24. Anonymous says:

    Hey man, Max can say what he wants, I actualy found it very amusing, don’t hate the man, hate the conversation, he’s just speaking his mind ans inevitebly other people’s minds as well. He’s got a point in some aspects and sometimes not that much. But I’m for freedom of thought and everyone who is against what he said about New Holland is basicly justifying his words… South-Africa in some respects are a bunch of sheep, not passionate or ballsy enough about music to say for instance: “This is a kak band, even though they are established and signed to a record lable.” Have you guys actualy gone over the signed artists at Rhythm Records (our so-called major lable)? It’s disgusting, and some of them are only signed to solid ass-kissing and dick sucking. Do yourself a favour, go check it out, you’ll kick yourself in the face. And I’m not saying New Holland is shit, I have my own opinion on that, but whilst our sheep society is still active, I find myself afraid to make it public, but through that you probably already know what I think of them. All I’m saying is, Max can say what he want, if we have XXX porn on the web, we might as well have vulgar (yet whitty and amusing) statements about our current musical situation in South-Africa. I sometimes listen to what he says and sometimes I don’t… Because I have a mind of my own… and you… dear reader… have to, so shut the fuck up, suck your thumb, go sit in the corner, I don’t give a shit what you do… just don’t be a BITCH about it…

    Hail the mind…

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