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The Zuma Sex Tape

The Zuma Sex Tape

by Andy Davis / 04.02.2010

Finally the Zuma Sex Tape has emerged! Call it kismet, fate or chance, but when art imitates life so succinctly, we at Mahala just take off our hats and bless the internet for making our jobs that much easier. Following this week’s schlock tabloid discovery of Zuma’s 20th child, squired out of wedlock with the daughter of Mzanzi’s football heavyweight Irvin Khoza – in the same year that we’re hosting the World Cup, awesome – we stumbled (thanks to Louise Gamble and Facebook) upon an auspicious piece of Hentai pornography. Oh what glorious unintentional satire that, in this telling, Zuma is a white woman. Scandalous and counter-revolutionary, Julius Malema might say. It’s a sci-fi rags to riches gladiator tale in which our futuristic Zuma was abducted as a baby from Earth and schlepped halfway across the galaxy as a slave. At 25 her owners force her into the arena as a Sexual Gladiator, where according to the review on Wired Magazine, she finds her true calling and becomes the inter-galactic bonking champion. The Reverend Kenneth Meshoe would be quick to point out certain similarities, if he was into this kind of thing. Sex Gladiators basically fuck it out, and the first one to climax loses! Hey it’s an animated porn flick, what did you expect in terms of plot? But this is no B-grade animated porno, it won an AVN award when it was released in 2006, which is kind of like the Academy Awards of porn.

Interestingly enough the movie was created by an amateur husband and wife team, Sagemonn and Karynna, who funded the whole thing on their own and produced it in their spare time. Insane what people get up to behind closed doors. You can check out their SNL, no under 18s website here.

* If you want to watch some seriously adult, pornographic SNL clips from the movie, you can below, but be warned, I thought long and hard, (sex pun yes, ha ha), about imbedding, (pun again, yes) the clip on Mahala – because on that site it’s surrounded by some really grim, tasteless and rather disgusting porno ads. But then again, the video itself is pretty graphic, grim and rather tasteless, so better to just leave it off site in the world of smut, connected with a link. Do not click if you’re under 18, deeply religious, offended easily by sex, nudity, giant alien cocks and graphic displays of fornication and other depictions of a carnal nature.

If you’re basically just, like, get the hell out of my way, click here.

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  1. Jason says:

    this would be halfway funny if this whole saga wasn’t as ludicrous.

    How can a (presumably) intelligent young woman (ms Khoza) do the (hopefully consensual) nasty with some philandering grandad who has admitted to having unprotected sex with a woman who is HIV postive?
    What is it about this morally and intellectually barren old codger that has the ladies all a-fluster?
    He’s a ridiculous parody of a bumbling old pervert, making our collective name gat. I wonder what kind of further embarrassment we have to endure before those who put the man in power realise they might have to rethink their strategy.

    We need another please, this one’s a dud.

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  2. LethalWeapon says:

    The oke could throw a handgrenade into a nursery school and the ANC and the masses would still defend him.

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  3. Nissim says:

    JZ should apply for Nike sponsorship… Where can you find a better embodiment of their slogan: JUST DO IT?

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  4. Niklas says:

    @ Nissim: ha ha ha! super funny!

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  5. mofo says:

    We got it right first time with Motlanthe – can’t we bring him back?

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  6. peter mayhew says:

    i like the colourful translucent ones.

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  7. Forceps says:

    when did zuma become such a belter? last time i saw him he still had that elongated alien head. hold on, maybe that’s it – the bugger might actually a real freakin alien.

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  8. davey says:

    Does anybody remember the BBC programme called “No more Mandelas” where they interviewed Zuma? Even the interviewer a hardened irish lad who spent many years here in the 80’s helping the struggle, was totally gob-smacked by this mans utter stupidity and disregard of the law.

    But how’s this for a thought guys could it be that secretly Zuma is Malemas dad? I mean to say they both talk the same amount of shit, and as he has flashed his old Todger in each and every direction, anything is possible. Its like a scene from Days Of Our Lives.

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  9. The other way says:

    Days of our lives is boring compared to this. I do though have one complaint and that is: that S.A. celeb sex tapes don’t get as much coverage as those in other countries. Also i do believe Zuma is more idiotic than Bush was, at least he doesn’t drag us into war with Lesotho or Swaziland. I can this way still enjoy snowboarding in Lesotho

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  10. 007-JAMES BOND says:

    I would say Jay-Z is on a mission of proving a point to his fellow brethreen, the King SOBUZA and the IFP chief commanda Mnumzane BUTHELEZI.

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  11. Jabulani Mukhari says:

    JZ, is da best SEX Mania in Mzanzi

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  12. Gratefull says:

    It has become a problem that in our society as a whole people never say anything good about our president. If he is as stupid as people say then i’m sure all blacks would be owning the majority of the land as they are the majority.

    No, actually he is a strategic man who knows when to do his thing. People make mistakes hence the word mistake.

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  13. Andy says:

    Gratefull – let’s see how he deals with Juju today… that’ll show us how “strategic” he is.

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  14. Gratefull says:

    I hope he makes a strong point today. I have grown very fond of his leadership. A leader has no friend to please but the masses. If he supports juju then he will give a good reason why. Apparently mandela at his prime was actually worse than juju. I read it in a news paper this morning.

    And we all know peter mokaba and the others the dude is just following in the footsteps of militant leadership. NO FEAR.

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