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Sold My Soul To Skeletor

by Nathan Casey / 01.02.2011

When I was a kid, everything was Satanic. Or, as my crazy aunt from Beaufort West used to say, Satanistic. The Smurfs were servants of Beelzebub, Thundercats were Mephistopheles’ minions, and Aussie band AC-DC was an acronym for Anti-Christ Devil Child.
I think even soft-core fatty, Meatloaf, was sucking on the Devil’s pecker.
Greg and I heard this rumour in school that some kid’s He-Man action figure caught fire and it started screaming! Of course, the first thing we did when we got home was set our own He-Man alight. True to his reputation as a macho bad-ass, the Prince of Eternia stoically emitted not a whimper. We tossed him in the pool to cool down and a few days later, when the Kreepy Krauly stopped working, Dad pulled his melted torso out the pipe.

A friend of mine’s Testament-thumping mum wouldn’t let her play with My Little Pony because the star on one’s bum resembled a pentagram. The repercussion of such diabolical tomfoolery is that now we have vampires that sparkle – the direct result of Gary Oldman getting jiggy with Pinkie Pie.

You might be inclined to think that, during apartheid, suburban South Africa was particularly susceptible to this kind of sweeping evangelic bullshit. Good christian values beset on all sides; flanked by the swart and rooi gevaar with the Hollwyood satanists, and all their merchandise, charging up the rear! Apart from the sweeping hysterical tenor of those times, well, not much has changed.

True to true-believer form, Harry Potter is getting the same treatment these days. Forget the boy wizard’s obvious status as an apostle of Apollyon – he’s also a Nazi! Not only is the lightning bolt on his forehead a Hitler Youth symbol, featuring prominently on the uniforms of SS soldiers, but The Philosopher’s Stone is required reading for skinheads at all Neo-Nazi book clubs.
According to the Cutting Edge Ministries, “God will hold millions of parents accountable for buying these books…”

What I don’t understand is that if these people think kids are dumb enough to believe this bullshit, then how are they smart enough to decipher what Lucifer is trying to tell them? Now that’s a paradox for the paragons.

The Truth, as usual, is more banal than the God-botherers believe. Mattel and J.K Rowling don’t want your children’s souls, they just want their pocket money. But then again Hannah Arendt, the German-Jewish political theorist and philosopher, once said “evil is banal”… so you work it out.

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