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Put a Leash On

by Giovanni Valentino "Montle" Moorosi, images by JR Onyangunga / 24.02.2010

“Blah, blah, blah, Giovanni is such a racist a hater, hiding behind his little bitch ass computer screen, what a pussy.” So as usual my insatiable drive for alcohol and warped sense of sociology led me to another place I knew very well I was going to hate, I mean the music was pretty good, but God I hate the humans that inhabit Johannesburg. Cool Running in Melville is now known as “The Dungeon” but most recently you black folks, who listen to way too much Jay-Z for my liking, call it the “Jump Off”, the only thing I wanted to jump off was a cliff when I woke up the next day. Apart from being given death stares by DJ Dimples, getting arrested at the end of night and almost emptying a banana clip on one those “sweet guys” from that wank-off rock band, the Blk Jks, this was just another same old same old night in your beloved Johannesburg. I cant wait for the World Cup so I can at least get paid for raping and killing, I can’t do this for free much longer. Shout outs to Mussolini.

You know when you’re in a relationship and you’re kind of embarrassed of being in public with your partner

You know when you’re in a relationship and you’re kind of embarrassed of being in public with your partner

Anybody here ever heard of Brangelina Davis? Those are Andy Davis’s parents by the way; they adopted that fine sister in the black and white checkered top, cold chilling behind this gay couple. One of the few reasons I’m still at Mahala.

Anybody here ever heard of Brangelina Davis? Those are Andy Davis’s parents by the way; they adopted that fine sister in the black and white checkered top, cold chilling behind this gay couple. One of the few reasons I’m still at Mahala.

Car guards these days are very sophisticated, they drink Amstel’s, speak English and they even get more white girls than your boy Giovanni. I love the new South Africa.

Car guards these days are very sophisticated, they drink Amstel’s, speak English and they even get more white girls than your boy Giovanni. I love the new South Africa.

Arthritis and Pink Eye are pretty bad in Johannesburg, worse than the lack of humour going around and Aids.

Arthritis and Pink Eye are pretty bad in Johannesburg, worse than the lack of humour going around and Aids.

If Barrack Obama and Jacob Zuma had a child together it would be that light skinned yellow guy in the back, the focus in his eyes just says “yes for change, yes for perfect back posture”. Nice work.

If Barrack Obama and Jacob Zuma had a child together it would be that light skinned yellow guy in the back, the focus in his eyes just says “yes for change, yes for perfect back posture”. Nice work.

Black people are so crude, is she really wanking him off in front of the camera? This is why Colonialism happened, put a leash on you savages!

Black people are so crude, is she really wanking him off in front of the camera? This is why Colonialism happened, put a leash on you savages!

Akinyele was one of the best rappers of the 90’s. “Just put in your mouth, I said your motherfucking mouth, and if you just eat me out”. Now that’s hip-hop.

Akinyele was one of the best rappers of the 90’s. “Just put in your mouth, I said your motherfucking mouth, and if you just eat me out”. Now that’s hip-hop.

Blindness and arthritis are a plague here, Red Cross where you at? Haiti can wait, we need help here now.

Blindness and arthritis are a plague here, Red Cross where you at? Haiti can wait, we need help here now.

Seriously, this Arthritis is getting out of control.

Seriously, this Arthritis is getting out of control.

Legend, this is my African queen drinking a protein shake from the “cup of life”. She is a Good Time Mafia.

Legend, this is my African queen drinking a protein shake from the “cup of life”. She is a Good Time Mafia.

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