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Put a Leash On

Put a Leash On

by Giovanni Valentino "Montle" Moorosi, images by JR Onyangunga / 24.02.2010

“Blah, blah, blah, Giovanni is such a racist a hater, hiding behind his little bitch ass computer screen, what a pussy.” So as usual my insatiable drive for alcohol and warped sense of sociology led me to another place I knew very well I was going to hate, I mean the music was pretty good, but God I hate the humans that inhabit Johannesburg. Cool Running in Melville is now known as “The Dungeon” but most recently you black folks, who listen to way too much Jay-Z for my liking, call it the “Jump Off”, the only thing I wanted to jump off was a cliff when I woke up the next day. Apart from being given death stares by DJ Dimples, getting arrested at the end of night and almost emptying a banana clip on one those “sweet guys” from that wank-off rock band, the Blk Jks, this was just another same old same old night in your beloved Johannesburg. I cant wait for the World Cup so I can at least get paid for raping and killing, I can’t do this for free much longer. Shout outs to Mussolini.

You know when you’re in a relationship and you’re kind of embarrassed of being in public with your partner

You know when you’re in a relationship and you’re kind of embarrassed of being in public with your partner

Anybody here ever heard of Brangelina Davis? Those are Andy Davis’s parents by the way; they adopted that fine sister in the black and white checkered top, cold chilling behind this gay couple. One of the few reasons I’m still at Mahala.

Anybody here ever heard of Brangelina Davis? Those are Andy Davis’s parents by the way; they adopted that fine sister in the black and white checkered top, cold chilling behind this gay couple. One of the few reasons I’m still at Mahala.

Car guards these days are very sophisticated, they drink Amstel’s, speak English and they even get more white girls than your boy Giovanni. I love the new South Africa.

Car guards these days are very sophisticated, they drink Amstel’s, speak English and they even get more white girls than your boy Giovanni. I love the new South Africa.

Arthritis and Pink Eye are pretty bad in Johannesburg, worse than the lack of humour going around and Aids.

Arthritis and Pink Eye are pretty bad in Johannesburg, worse than the lack of humour going around and Aids.

If Barrack Obama and Jacob Zuma had a child together it would be that light skinned yellow guy in the back, the focus in his eyes just says “yes for change, yes for perfect back posture”. Nice work.

If Barrack Obama and Jacob Zuma had a child together it would be that light skinned yellow guy in the back, the focus in his eyes just says “yes for change, yes for perfect back posture”. Nice work.

Black people are so crude, is she really wanking him off in front of the camera? This is why Colonialism happened, put a leash on you savages!

Black people are so crude, is she really wanking him off in front of the camera? This is why Colonialism happened, put a leash on you savages!

Akinyele was one of the best rappers of the 90’s. “Just put in your mouth, I said your motherfucking mouth, and if you just eat me out”. Now that’s hip-hop.

Akinyele was one of the best rappers of the 90’s. “Just put in your mouth, I said your motherfucking mouth, and if you just eat me out”. Now that’s hip-hop.

Blindness and arthritis are a plague here, Red Cross where you at? Haiti can wait, we need help here now.

Blindness and arthritis are a plague here, Red Cross where you at? Haiti can wait, we need help here now.

Seriously, this Arthritis is getting out of control.

Seriously, this Arthritis is getting out of control.

Legend, this is my African queen drinking a protein shake from the “cup of life”. She is a Good Time Mafia.

Legend, this is my African queen drinking a protein shake from the “cup of life”. She is a Good Time Mafia.

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RESPONSES (17)
  1. rettambuli says:

    fucking WR~I~~T~E something…push yourself. get real. this wallowing in the nightlife accomplishes what exactly? you’re better than this.

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  2. Rog says:

    Blk Jks rule. Bye.

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  3. David Steynberg says:

    Nah Montle, don’t listen to the haters. I in fact enjoy pieces like this because they’re devoid of philosophical debate and just give you something that is more than required come mid-week: plain jane humour. Allowing us to laugh at ourselves is in fact very healthy.
    I’ve been to that dungeon (had no idea it was called The Jump Off now) and I know the DJ you’re referring to. And my god, those car guards have upped their game since I was last there. Last year they were only guarding the cars close to the Adult World on the corner and only hitting on my black girlfriends. Polite buggers those guards – as you park your car half-way up some poor basterd’s driveway, they scream through the dark “Elo Se” while at the same time checking the “goods” in your entourage.

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  4. EffFreddy says:

    I’ve also been to jump off crap…too shit!

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  5. rettambuli says:

    actually going through this again is quite amusing. im so bored i think im going to go vida and grab a coffee. such cool vibe there

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  6. Phalafala says:

    Retta works for Vida!

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  7. leo says:

    new shoes!

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  8. Sakhile says:

    I dig the if Barrack Obama and Jacob Zuma had a child together …

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  9. memory lapse says:

    Worse, Retta is a shadow writer for 2oceansvibe.

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  10. rettambuli says:

    I do not work at Vida. I’m in PR so suck my dick…

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  11. Koresh says:

    ^^ thats worse fag

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  12. Kontlap says:

    Marete Mbuli

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  13. Mr Gorlomi says:

    I want you to skin 100 scalp for me Giovanni….

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  14. Amused says:

    hahahaha !

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  15. car guard says:

    this piece smells like warm black label,bad cocaine and too many months of couch surfing,montle get a new dealer or go home.and maybe if you were nice to the car guards they will buy you an amstel and introduce you to some white girls

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  16. giovanni says:

    sour sour sour ppl i know. fame costs talent, not your pals and your daddys wallet.

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  17. White Boi says:

    I WANNA PHOTOGRAPH BLACK PPL GETTIN WASTED TOO. ITS FUUUUN-
    Whiteboy

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