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Pussy Fest

Pussy Fest

by Creepy Steve, illustration by Alastair Laird / 10.06.2010

You could be forgiven (judging from the title) for assuming this might be a an all female festival laden with single mothers and spinsters, women of malleable morals prone to persuasion, but no. Remember what they’ve said about assumption. Cat fanciers: that’s what it’s called; people who fancy various breeds of cat. Don’t interpret “all breeds” literally either. This isn’t a search for the most mixed up street special, super star melungon cat either. These ones come with fancy names, Maine Coon (tee hee) Siamese (my cousin caught some strange shit from that Siamese pussy as well, kids) Peter Bald, weird shit, etcetera.

Each breed has heats and finals, this basically means a bunch of cantankerous cat fanciers with clipboards and frowns form the panel of judges that walk past each cat in that particular breed, and score it out of ten. Now there’s more than meets the eye in this whole pedigree pussy business,because pedigree pets fetch top dollar. Say a male cat with all the paper work consistently wins regional shows, it then becomes a desirable mate and owners will stud it for a couple of grand. Okay, so prostitution is legal between pets of particular gene pools. I guess the cats, from a moral standpoint, are indifferent, they aren’t paying. But it’s a well-known fact that when cats have sex the male penis is clad with backwards pointing spines making insertion easy but removal agonizing hence the caterwauls of alley cats on heat. One has to realize that cats were revered even before they became a cute internet meme, lol. The Egyptians worshipped them and there are still people out there dedicated to maintaining these various types of cat in the ways of cold, old hard reality; pimpin’ pussy.

There were gorgeous 1st, 2nd and 3rd sashes handed out. No major upsets on the day. And look, this is all true, but really, we arrived there at 3:30pm and they were packing all the pussy away, story of my life. The flyer had said it only ended at 4pm, but they were done. There were some pretty heinous cats getting taken away though. The hairless, skinny variety (I suppose it saves on fur balls) the kind of thing you’d expect to see on an Aphex Twin album cover. I would love to know how you judge these. What are the criterion? How do you decide? That, no, this one is uglier than that one? Some of the same panel of judges at the event seemed to possess questionable genealogy themselves, but then what do you expect from Queensborough.

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RESPONSES (5)
  1. creepy steve says:

    Kzn provincial cat society – all breeds championship cat show
    5th june 2010

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  2. Anastassia says:

    queensburgh. home of the most entertaining gene pools.

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Google

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  4. Andy says:

    Sorry Creepy… I thought the title had a better ring to it.

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  5. Anonymous says:

    This reminds me of Veronica Cornerstone having to cover the cat fashion show on Anchorman

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