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Oppikoppi | Drunk Texting

by Max Barashenkov / 06.08.2011


Text #1, 17:22 – I’ve been here for 25 minutes and am fast approaching being utterly wasted. These people are fiendish and they love the Red Hot Chilli Peppers too much. Don’t expect anything coherent.

Text #2, 17:43 – Advice from passing stranger – Next year, fly into Lanseria, it’s closer to Oppi. Davis, how much did you save by booking me into OR Tambo?

Text #3, 18:01 – Corne and Twakkie are whoring themselves in a Ros Rooibos giveaway. I guess comedians need to make money somehow.

Bos Gravelocity

Text #4, 18:08 – Should I follow Evan Milton’s recommendations or believe that he is an old man in his mid-30s and knows nothing about teenage passions? He bestows upon me a list of ‘worthy’ acts and gets offended when I put question marks next to them on my line-up. I like him for some reason.

Text #5, 18:14 – Alleen Na Desember hit me with every cliché in the post-emo/hardcore book. Their only use is driving people away to get more fucked.

Text #6, 18:32 – Davis, I miss Moorosi, why didn’t you send him with me? He could have done a lovely article on being the only black, non-drug dealer person here.

Text #7, 19:01 – A campfire of Afrikaans boys and the conversation rolls along the lines of: “Fuck, these shrooms haven’t come on yet, let’s drop some acid. Ah nee, this is bullshit acid, let’s take more mushrooms.” They tell me they are so Russian that bears crawl up them to keep warm. Scary, but lovable people.

Text #8, 19:18 – A man is parking his bakkie and puking out of the window at the same time. He looks at me and slurs: “All I have is problems, all I need is solutions.”

Text #9, 19:46 – The only reason people don’t riot over the Standard Bank MiMoney system is because they brought enough booze with them to last the first few hours. According to some sour but friendly barmen – the cards are the most retarded system ever, only there to milk cash out of the transactions. I wonder how much Oppi loaned from Standard Bank to warrant this robbery? Since when is cash not king?

Text #10, 20:16 – The man from Isochronous is wailing: “Have I died, haaave I dieeed?” Yes, you have, reborn into a world where no-one has balls and male pop acts sing as forgettable women. Fuck, I hate them, but Isochronous are the logical solution to our psychologically fractured scene (within very white confines), a seamless blend of appealing genres and flawless execution. I even clap.

Text #11 20:19 – A drunk clears his way through the dense main stage crowd by pretending he is about to puke. I want to be his friend and learn his ways.

Text #12 21:03 – A Fate Like Yours suck too much cheese-coated cock to be even properly considered. Mix everything that has sold well in the vague ‘rock’ category over the last twenty years into a homogenous mass and you get their sound.

Text #13 22:12 – Hello, deathcore, as hard as you strain to produce something original, you will always still-birth bands like The Dead Will Tell. I used to like them but now I’m just plain embarrassed. The crowd looks confused and unimpressed. The vocalist reeks of Fred Durst. Pathetic.

Text #14 00:23 – Davis, your buddy Jay Bones is my savior, can I have his number so we can elope? Fuzi are kicking the shit out this Friday night. Rejoice ye masses, the first good band of the festival.

Text #15 00:56 – ‘The Calm Before The Storm’ says the Friday line-up. Depressing doldrums more like it. Satan bless Saturday.


*All images courtesy the Twitter-verse.

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  1. Azola says:

    OR Tambo not OR Thambo

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  2. Pen Elope says:

    At least we can always count on Max for edge music journalism.

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  3. bigbirdza1 says:

    Lucky brings back splashy memories… Oh why am I not at oppi…. Dnt ask

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  4. Anonymous says:

    Fuzigish are as unoriginal as any of the bands you gave shit to for the same reason.

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  5. Anonymous says:

    Max Barashenkov. I used to like him but now I’m just plain embarrassed.

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  6. Syd willow says:

    I saw loads of black kids at the red bull electro stage by the way. Just saying.

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  7. montle says:

    this is amazing..not cause im mentioned. cause it just is. good to have the anti semitic russian back.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    jesus dude do you ever have anything to say faggot

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  9. God says:

    What is this crap? a review? or just drunk blabbering’s of a depressed retard?

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  10. Jeff says:

    Why is Max surprised at a “confused and unimpressed” crowd for TDWT on the main stage? The average David Kramer fan would be justifiably nonplussed at the onslaught of a ‘deathcore’ band…

    “Jissis, watse duiwel musiek is hierdie Marietjie?!?!”

    Next time put them on a side stage, so that people that like deathcore can go watch them. It’s not actually that confusing (just like drunk texting isn’t journalism).

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  11. Greg says:

    “21:03 – A Fate Like Yours suck too much cheese-coated cock to be even properly considered. Mix everything that has sold well in the vague ‘rock’ category over the last twenty years into a homogenous (homogeneous*) mass and you get their sound.”

    hahahaha. we hadn’t even started playing yet. At least watch us before you totally rip us to shreds.. But I’m quite impressed that you know who we are must mean something is going right :). Plus there have been some amazing bands in the last 20 years so that means we are a “best of rock” for the last 20 years NICE! hahaha aweh!

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  12. Max says:

    Greg – that was written after your first song, forgive me if my phone is not totally in synch with the global time. after watching another four/five songs, the first impression did not change. Glad you found a silver lining.

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  13. Greg says:

    You must set you’re watch to DSTV time it’s very accurate! hahahaha.
    We are more of a metal band than a rock band though. No one has ever told us we play “rock music”. I’m not very good with genre’s but when you got screaming and breakdowns thought it was more “metal core” than rock. Just wondering where you got the
    “Mix everything that has sold well in the vague ‘rock’ category over the last twenty..”
    Wouldn’t “vague metal category” be better suited?
    Dude don’t need to find silver linings, that show was the best experience of my life! Nothing anyone says can take that away! still riding on a high from it! 🙂

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  14. Jess says:

    This whole is texting idea is pretty darn cool!

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  15. Eugene says:

    Ha! my couch!! totaly made out of foam btw…

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