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Menage a Vom

Menage a Vom

by Nathan Zeno / 19.09.2009

Let’s face it, relationships are fragile, especially my relationship with Tequila. On the other hand my relationship with fashion is non-existent. Fashion doesn’t even speak to me anymore. So it’s with mixed feeling that I discover that “Fashion TV, synonymous with style and sophistication has partnered with well-known tequila brand Jose Cuervo to launch the new Cuervo Black.” That’s just mean. Last time I saw Tequila it said it would call me. To be fair though, that might have been ordinary Tequila because it seems that, “Jose Cuervo has blended this signature Tequila specifically to appeal to the person who has forged a relationship with Tequila and is ready to take it to the next level”. The next level. Whoa! Jose, just because I like Tequila doesn’t mean I will put out for any Tequila. And especially with all this talk of Black Tequila’s fling with FashionTV.

“Jose Cuervo Black has an edge that comes with age, with a twist of untamed youth that will never be lost,” says the PR, “And the only place where this lives on is at the ultra-glam venue – Fashion TV.” It seems that Black Tequila and FashionTV have become so enamored of each other that they think that the only place where untamed youth lives on is in their tacky lounge. Oh no wait, the only place where, “an edge that comes with age, with a twist of untamed youth that will never be lost,” lives on is “the ultra glam venue FashionTV”. It does bear repeating, that ménage of PR, glam, age and youth. Like a ride on Donatella Versace’s yacht with Rafael Nadal, FashionTV has always been a place where tit shots and torn fabrics parade as style advice and an impossible glamour is made “possible” by seducing you to come to the FTV owned bars in nouveau riche malls worldwide, getting you involved in a swingers club involving Tequila and semi pretty girls held at a distance on flat screens while assistant make up artists for the PR departments of minor radio stations try convince you that you’re good looking.

“Taken as a shot or sipped on the rocks with a mixer, the new Cuervo Black is for the refined, mature drinker who enjoys the good life.” The refined mature drinker, with a twist of untamed youth, synonymous with style and sophistication. Who is this mystery person that Tequila has grown up and left me for (but is prepared to take it to the next level with me, if I wanna you know, meet them in the dark room at FTV bar)? “5FM’s tequila lover, Sasha Martinengo”. And I will stop right there.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    And there’s more than one sycophant in their ranks.

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  2. brand power says:

    Anonymous, no-one gives a shit about Chislett’s blog anymore. For a long time he’s only covered acts that have paid him for the privilege and dressed it up as cultural journalism. So now he’s going the way of all media sluts and punting any product that comes his way.

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  3. death to zoolander says:

    f*ck i hate fashion. line them all up against a wall – models, designers, etc – and shoot them. no group in society is so pathetically useless and absolutely lacking in any real value, yet thinks so highly of themselves. it is truly criminal that the fashion industry instructs society to discard perfectly good clothing for no reason other than to keep its pathetic self in existence. kill em all i say.

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  4. Timmy Tinnitus says:

    ‘Tequila’ sold in South Africa is, for the most part, 35% cane spirit.


    Drink real tequila, and your tastebuds will roll over and start ejaculating.

    Cuervo? Pah.

    Padron, cavron.

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  5. leo says:

    “Whoa! Jose, just because I like Tequila doesn’t mean I will put out for any Tequila”
    that made me laugh

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  6. tara says:

    It says a lot, the fact that Olmeca does so little passive aggressive advertising.

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