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Loveglove vs The Nude Girl

Loveglove vs The Nude Girl

by Max Barashenkov / Images by Jan du Preez / 22.11.2011

Saturday in Stellenbosch, it seems, was a bring-your-horse-to-town day. Wherever you went, the smell of manure followed. Evil tongues might whisper that it is exactly this scent that attracted Arno Carstens here tonight, but who would listen to such heresy? We sit, noses over whiskey tumblers, in the backyard of Aandklas while the legend sound-checks inside. We’re waiting to receive the glory that is the R30 chicken strip platter and he is throwing his prima donna weight around, putting the sound engineer through his paces, making the whole show run late. In these woods, Carstens is nothing short of an idol, a monument to a simpler time, before all these kids got into Fokof and the Bellville bore-rock explosion.

The Black Market Riots are first and pose that terrible (for a music writer) dilemma of a band that does nothing wrong while doing nothing right. They play with the misguided conviction and fervor of a band that has never looked past the NME Top 20. The first track might have been a single if it didn’t suffocate due to the reliance on over-used chord progressions, vocal hooks and bass/drum breaks. The second sports a damn catchy indie-dance ‘breakdown’ that gets a few feet shuffling, but only for about a minute. Their songwriting does contain some fresh choices, but the formula of timid-verse-explosive-chorus-timid-verse-interesting-break-explosive-chorus gets old by the forth song. In short – refer to the discount ‘rock’ section in Look&Listen. Yet, considering that they cater to an audience that seeks in music something pleasant to the ear and mildly arousing, they’re not a bad band. A soundtrack, perhaps, to the post-jock generation – flirtations with emotions mixed with angsty outbursts of man-strength.

Loveglove Pyrotechnics

Loveglove Pyrotechnics kick off with a Zeppelin-esque groove of such intensity that most ‘big’ bands can only envy. For half-an-hour, Aandklas descends into bluesy rock ‘n roll madness, an orgy of frantic stage antics and superb musicianship. Oh, the sex of those old-school riffs played from the heart! Oh, the energy and unity of their performance! Oh, glorious glorious Discordia! You watch them with the joy of discovering a young band that has already found and perfected their place in the aural landscape. They make you want to follow them on Avontoer this coming December. They make you, unashamedly, want to be a fan. The frontman, Dimitri Lovecuts, while still somewhat raw in the vocal department, is a fiend to be watched – dramatic, engrossing and, at the same time, tongue-in-cheek. He struts and spazzes, demanding your attention, caressing everything from his own crotch and mic-stand to other band members. Robert Plant on crack comparisons refuse to leave the tongue. The high-pitched wails of bassist Crossfire Versache (who comes from money) are the stuff girls’ orgasms are made of, a perfect complement to Lovecuts’ all-out pandemonium. The rest of the band are on par, rocking out in the most infectious of ways. A complete stage-light failure mid-song might have deterred another band, but these swamp creeps only seem to kick it harder, with only the occasional camera flash to light-up their freak out. After the adrenalin high of Loveglove Pyrotechnics, it feels almost a shame to dampen the mood with Carstens and Co.

Loveglove vs The Nude Girls - Arno

The Springbok Nude Girls are veterans and anyone who says that they don’t do what they do extremely well is a fool. They perform their rock ‘n roll with unquestionable polish, with almost meticulous precision, yet, to a cynical mind, they lack any new connection with the crowd. Most people tonight are here to see a legend and no subjective opinion can take away the furore the 200-plus crowd bestows upon them. But legends don’t capture the mind or fuel evolution. The Nude Girls survive off memories more than anything else, their sound simply lacks anything fresh. Arno, it seems, has forgotten what small shows are all about. He sings, creased but appearing young, with a jerky edge to his movements, above the crowd. After the intense engagement of Dimitri Lovecuts, the idol appears pale and hollow. The Nude Girls finish their set with the practiced disappointment of a band that, once, played bigger stages. Are they still fun? Yes. Will anyone buy their new EP? Probably not.

Loveglove vs The Nude Girls - Aandklas Setup

Loveglove vs The Nude Girls - Carstens and Co

Loveglove vs The Springbok Nude Girls - Opening Image

Loveglove vs The Nude Girls - Legend

Loveglove vs The Nude Girls - Sweaty Nude Girls

*All images © Jan du Preez.

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  1. SDC says:

    Max, you are a moron. And remember, a moron who can use big words is still a moron. In addition to this, you have terrible taste in music. If you have a day job, I recommend sticking to it and leaving music journalism to those who understand concepts such as ‘bias’, ‘prejudice’ and ‘oh-my-god-Loveglove-Pyrotechnics-I-want to-jerk-you-off!!!

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  2. Fiction says:

    OMG – were you even at the gig?? Loveglove (I’ve only just found out their name) were so incredibly boring and monotonous, I HAD to go outside to ensure my ears didn’t bleed to block themselves from hearing that awful noise.

    You are obviously about 12 or something, well at least that’s what your taste in music portrays. The Nudies are an iconic band in this country – have some fucking respect! How could you not be inspired to dance, get lost in the memories (oh ja, you’re 12, I forget) and be swept away by the Nudies?

    Leave the pipe alone for a bit, get outside, get some fresh air…maybe you can regrow some brain cells yet.

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  3. Timmy says:

    Shitty review. Awesome night.

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  4. Kir says:

    Haha, look at the Black Market fans coming out of the woodwork. Chop chop, fellas, to the barricades.

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  5. Jol says:

    “Bellville bore-rock explosion”

    well said. hahaha

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  6. Says says:

    Super fun night! Brilliant show by the Nudies!!!! Strange what @Kir says, by all the comments i don’t see anything mentioning the Black Market band, but hey, if that’s your take 😉

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  7. MrChavcore says:

    @fiction. who actually says things like “OMG” and “are you 12 or something?”. im not exactly sure who the springbok nude girls are seen to be iconic to but they certainly were never seen as iconic by me. i had the displeasure of managing a band that played with them at the grahamstown festival many years back and they were the biggest bunch of assholes you could wish to meet. we weren’t even allowed anywhere near the backstage area… and for what? a stupid band that’s claim to fame was writing a song about having bubblegum stuck to their boots? only in south africa my friend.

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  8. Joe Public says:

    This comes down to a taste in music, plain and simple. Ripping on The Springbok Nude Girls, a band with proven success, and Black Market Riots, a band with great potential for success, then praising Loveglove, a band who faded into the background so badly that I did not even realize they were playing… Perhaps sour grapes because you are only writing about the music while they are making it??? You want a proper review? Poll people from different backgrounds with different tastes in music. Then you will really know what went down. One person’s opinion means nothing.

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  9. Max says:

    @Joe, then your analysis of ‘Black Market, a band with great potential…, Loveglove, a band…’ also means nothing? Don’t think I particularly ‘ripped’ on the Nude Girls, but hey it’s all a mater of taste, right?

    You want a poll? I don’t work for the Census office. That’s what the comment board is for, thanks for taking part in the mahala poll.

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  10. Anonymous says:

    Is Max a short person?

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  11. Max says:

    Actually, it being Black Tuesday (freedom of speech and expression in the air) and me having watched some Jimmy Carr, I retract polite tone of my previous comment:

    SDC, Fiction, Timmy & Anon – you, my dear friends, can suck my dick. “Why am I doing this?” you might think as you take it down the throat. And there are a several reasons for this. I will list them in numerical order, since going alphabetically might confuse SDC.

    1) I write regularly for a publication, you read (if you can call that reading) and ejaculate on this page. Thus I make you cum, thus you are a fucking faggot. Please stop masturbating over me.

    2) Attacking me through the comment board really does nothing but generate traffic for the website. So thank you very much.

    3) Attacking me personally with ‘moron’ and ‘is he a short person’ is a knee jerk reaction that exposes you, douchebags, as either fans of the band (of BMR in particular, since to be a fan of the Nudies to such an extent that you waste your time slinging mud online would require a special breed of idiot, that I believe does not exist in this country) or the band themselves. If you’d have been anyone else, anyone terribly appalled by the article, anyone with at least a hint of intelligence, you would have approached my critique with a critique of your own.

    4) Some more ‘factual’ evidence from the show, since you cuntbags can’t seem to pick it up otherwise. When BMR played, there were about 50 people watching and no one danced or moved around (except for the part mentioned in the article). About 10 of them wandered off. When Loveglove played the number of people watching doubled, with the same amount of people leaving as BMR. And, guess what, there was some heavy dancing going on up in front. So your farts about Loveglove being monotonous are simply that, farts. Wet ones at that.

    5) Can you even begin to fucking compare the stage presence of the first two bands? Jesus people, do you not have eyes? Uh, no wait, I’m arguing with the wrong crowd, you all have your offended-fan blinders on. Loveglove’s show had even more energy (and I’m not talking about the crowd response, since naturally the Nudies, being such utter legends [on a side note, when was the last time they produced anything legendary?] had a much bigger response, but as musicians putting on a show) than the Nude Girls.

    Well, I think that about sums it up. By now you should have lungs full of semen, but before you spit it back out here, consider this – Eastern European semen is sold by the milligram on Black Markets around the world as the miracle cure for retardation. So I recommend you digest, and digest heavy. Much love.

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  12. Black Market Riots says:

    Hay, first of all, thanks for an insightful read and all the comments. Let’s not get nasty people. Like it has been said, it boils down to personal taste and some honesty. But we are all entitled to say what we feel and how we enjoy music, be it INDIE – METAL – HARD ROCK – OPERA – ETC… Sorry to read what is going on here after this long post Max…All-in-all…we as band enjoyed all of it! Kief, thanks again – BMR – Danie

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  13. cnut says:

    “Is Max a short person?”

    No far worse… he’s part of the ‘Mahala Roger Young High 5 Brigade’…

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  14. Anonymous says:

    A short person with deep rooted issues regarding his phallic inadequecies?

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  15. Roger Young says:

    At least with the POIB passed we can finally censor @cnut.

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  16. Phil says:

    Well done on a bias interview Max.
    Please re-read your ‘article/comments’ in a couple months time. With your itch removed, you’ll hopefully realize your prejudice stand AND unprofessional tone in reply’s. I’m afraid that you still need some tender maturity as ‘journo’. That unfortunately takes time and emotional intelligence.
    Good luck with this early life lesson of truth and criticism. A bitter pill at best.

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  17. DM says:

    Excellent review! The old boys better watch they don’t get too complacent. I think the anger of their fans show that you’ve struck a nerve… 🙂

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  18. Max says:

    Phil – one day I’ll be a beeeeeg boy and will spend my days in a newsroom, cutting up wire press releases. But for now, I have a beeeet of fun. Ok?

    For now, please point me to the ‘bias’ and then to the ‘interview’ part of the article. Kisses.

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  19. Ysterhart says:

    Hey, you wet farts, its an OPINION piece. What, reviews are only unbiased when you agree with them?

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  20. Thixo says:

    Max is living proof that another twenty years of affirmative action will be a good idea.

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  21. Graf Orlock says:

    Thixo, you dipshit, what the fuck does that even mean?

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  22. Thixo says:

    It means that mahala would be better off giving his job to an affirmative action candidate instead of some short and angry settler.

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  23. Graf Orlock says:

    Go climb back up the tree you came down from

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  24. n.x.n says:

    Orlock, you’re a cunt and officially out of fucking line. Orania needs people like you. To clean its septic tanks.

    Thixo, you’re a honky-baiting motherfucker. Wanna see colour on the page? Get fucking cracking, nothing’s holding you back. Your 15 minutes await; step up or shut up.

    As for Max, the only critique I can lay on him is that he strays too close to the indulgence of overwrought prose. But he’s earned it through sweat, observation and insight, which is more than can be said for all of you anonymous halfnaais who gloat in whine ‘n dash tactics. Where does it state that this review should consist of kid gloves and ardent fanboy fellatio?

    Shine up, mahalaities.

    You were born free but you’re squandering your inheritance.

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  25. Thixo says:

    Graf Orlvolk – if you are waiting for my comeback you are going to have to scrape it off your ma’s teeth.


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  26. Cleo says:

    Whoever Loveglove Pyrotechnics are, I think they should shimmy their rather fine sounding asses on over to Jozi sharpish. I need to hear this, and review.

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  27. Just Saying says:

    The only reason everyone here is agreeing with Max is because except for the few people who have come to stand up for the two other bands they did enjoy, only his friends have voted and commented. That is why this comment of mine will get more kak than kif votes, but is doesn’t matter 🙂

    I do not mean to insult Max, but this whole comment section does appear to be as one-sided as your review. I do not agree with calling you a moron etc, but you did stoop down to that level with your long comment.

    I just wonder, do you get why people are so pissed off? Some of them are just fans of the other bands, but the rest know some of the things you said are not true. Like no one moving when BMR played… I was there and I KNOW there were people dancing and moving through their whole set!

    The conclusion people are drawing is that you must be buddy-buddy with the Loveglove guys, so that is why they got a good review. I am not saying it is true but it does seem that way. Not because you thought they were good, but because it seems you thought no one else was.

    What I am taking from this whole ugly business is the following: I would never go and support Loveglove because I would always wonder if they ‘buy’ good reviews. I would never knowingly read anything else you write because I would always wonder if you can be bought, so I would not be getting the facts. If I was in a band (I am not, before someone thinks that again) I would never play with Loveglove because I would always wonder if you will be there to praise them and slam my band. Not out of fear of being critiscised, but fear of being unfairly criticised. Please Loveglove, Max, and all your fans, don’t jump on my now saying I am falsly accusing you of things, I am merely saying how I perceive them. In the end that could cost you badly, how people perceive things because then it doesn’t matter if they are true or not.

    Anyway, you all can now commence with the kak votes on my comment and calling me all sorts of name which I am sure you will.

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  28. Max says:

    @Just Saying – uh, harsh words, my dear sir. I can assure you, with or without your belief in my assurance, that no review of mine is ever ‘bought’ and I have a list of bands that attempted to do so (however loosely you can interpret the notion of ‘buying’ a review) that I refused to write about based on that sole fact. I, in case you have not noticed, prize writing from the heart the most and, by extension, playing from the heart. Naturally I am attracted to bands, as people, that I see doing that. If that is a crime that renders my writing pointless to you, fair enough, but then your point can be carried forward to mean that any band that is friendly and welcoming to any music writer is trying to ‘buy’ them. And, if you look around the music writing in SA today, almost every single journalist has been thus ‘bought’. Does that not appear silly to you.

    I expected Loveglove to suck hard and the elation, that causes you such offense, that you see on the page is the sheer joy of seeing band exceed your expectations. By a sexy mile. We can argue over what can be defined as ‘moving’ – because, sure, heads were nodding (my own included) and knees were being bent during the BMR set, – but would you not agree that the Loveglove set was treated with far, far more movement? And from it’s very start?

    Otherwise, thank you for your response, despite what you might think, I appreciate it all. I will lament a loss of a reader.

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  29. dudie says:

    ok, enough – this is getting childish. max, leave these bandwhores alone. in a few years they will realize how terrible their music tastes were. you must all remember that this is not a forum for band members or authors. if your band got dissed, live with it and try learn from the criticism, because when it comes to music this author knows exactly what he’s talking about. just check out it his track record – he’s heard a hundredfold more music than most of you, guaranteed.
    i just heard the black market riots online…
    the music is boring, badly executed and confused. in other words, there is no cultivated taste behind it. if they want a positive review out of the ‘russian settler’, they better practice for another few years and gain their chops, because for now they are just a bunch of douchebags wasting my time listening to them and writing this.

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  30. cnut says:

    Hilarious… Max calling himself a ‘journalist’… aikona!

    Then there’s Dudey self-appointing himself as the purveyor of punter’s music tastes…

    Give yourself both an upper-cut…

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  31. Anonymous says:

    The Nude Girls are the best rock band to have ever emerged from this country! All these new emerging hipster bands are just aspiring to be atleast half as good as them.

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  32. dudie says:

    haha – so the kak band is still clicking on kak. must be a habit. go learn how to play your guitars, wankers!

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  33. ling-ling says:

    Ling ling loves nude girls x

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  34. ray romano says:

    i am 12 and what is this?

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  35. SCF says:

    Please people I was not there but have been to gigs of all the afore-mentioned
    bands and loveglove, I would not compare to robert plant but their raw energy and catchy tunes are amazing SNG are legendary in THIS country but have not made it any better, Loveglove… who knows. as for BMR… i am not a fan but their musical abilty cannot be doubted.

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