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Kwit Kat

Kwit Kat

17.12.2010

There’s no question about it, kat has fucked me up.

In it’s own subtle and seductive way kat has destroyed my health, my business, my relationships with my friends and my girlfriend, as well as my power and will to operate in the world around me.

The past five years have been seriously sleepless. Although I’ve only been off for about six months, I feel like I’m getting better quickly. I just wanted to tell everyone out there who uses it, daily or recreationally, about it’s sly pattern of destruction.

It’s kind of a standing joke in Cape Town about the coke-heads that they will ‘never touch that kat shit!’ and the kat-heads who think cocaine is ‘badly overrated’ and the lolly-poppers who ‘don’t touch Kat or coke’ and the pill heads who can’t understand ‘why we just can’t all love each other’ and the psychedelic freaks who ‘think all other drugs are boring’ and the weed smokers who ‘won’t touch any of that chemical crap’ and the drinkers, divided into two categories, either finding that ‘drugs make me dizzy and puke’ or ‘drugs give me infinite drinking power’ and that’s not even mentioning the buttonkoppe, crackheads, smackheads or airheads. And of course, those that seriously believe in utilizing the full smorgasbord of substances available for their pleasure and recreation. But the point is everybody’s on something, even if it’s yoga and soya milk, and something needs to be done about it.

My journey into kat land started five years ago when some gay friends of mine in Jozi introduced me to ‘their friend’ before going out one night. It soon became my new best friend. I couldn’t believe the effects – I had boundless energy, infinite ability to talk kak, I felt inspired artistically and was generally filled with the joys of life.

You see previously I had always been a bit disappointed with the range of drugs that were commercially available, having worked my way through most of the menu available to us modern urban human beings. Considering the hundreds of interesting combinations and concoctions that pioneers like Alexander Shulgin have synthesized, not to mention the hundreds of psychoactive plants to be found in nature, I’m not quite sure why I got stuck on kat for so long.

But I did, and this is what it did to me.

After my initial experience of using the drug recreationally, I found that it actually suited me much more in my work environment and I began using it for late night studio sessions, maybe once or twice a week in the beginning. And so quickly the pattern of my abuse changed from being a recreational weekend user, to using it at work to finish an important project on time, to eventually speeding through the week, maybe catching a few hours of sleep on Wednesday night and finally crashing out all day on Sunday. I have never seen so many sunrises in a row as I have in the past few years.

Now I found myself stuck in a vicious circle. I was very busy at work and couldn’t find the time to take a few days off to slow myself down and get back into a normal sleeping pattern again. I would work for days behind the computer, starting loads more projects than I could ever finish, maybe go out and party at night, then go back to the studio to put down some new ideas in the morning… work and party… work and party… occasionally some sleep and food. I felt unstoppable. It was impossible to drag me away from my computer once I’d started. My colleagues would find me in the morning still going hammer and tongs from two nights before on some crazy creative idea. They could all feel the drug taking hold of me, but at least I was getting the work done and bringing in the bacon. If I felt tired or uninspired, it was always easy enough to chop another line and carry on… and on. It was all looking good: I had lots of nice work from big clients and I felt creatively happy and highly productive.

I just ignored the persistent bad moods when I woke up from a sleep, when I eventually got there. I ignored the distance that was growing between my girlfriend and I. I ignored the suggestions from my friends that I slow down a little bit on the drugs. I ignored all the things that make life warm and special as a human being – friends, girlfriend, family, home, meals, spiritual and emotional life. I was so focused on my work, happy with my flourishing creativity that my attitude towards everything else was ‘fuck it…’ Basically, I was a typical artist wallowing so deeply in my own creative world that everything else in my life got neglected absolutely.

So round about now, I couldn’t help noticing some of the nastier side effects of the drug: I became extremely over-sensitive, over-reacting to any perceived threat from the outside world, whether it was something someone said, or the way I perceived their actions. I became snappy and bitchy and experienced a complete sense of humour failure. I started to notice that I was suffering from mild to not-so-mild depression after a long stretch on kat. I suppose that everything was starting to catch up with me; the lack of food and sleep, the days that turned into weeks, the pressure from people around me to slow down or stop, and the gnawing feeling that things were about to change for the worse.

And they did.

I started to lose focus at work. I would only get out of bed if I could get high. I was very rude to some special friends who were trying to help me. Other people avoided me because I was likely to be sarcastic or scathing in conversation. I didn’t really care. I was quite thick skinned to what people thought about me, but I noticed that my social life was diminishing to nothing and I suddenly had serious emotional issues with all my friends. I was constantly fighting with my girlfriend about petty issues that would have never bothered me before. She was also stuck in a similar pattern of addiction, but was doing everything she could to break out of it – something I found enormously threatening.

My first big shock came when my girlfriend had an affair. These are the subtle signs that all is not well in your relationship. Now on top of being depressed I was heartbroken and refused to see the part that I had played in the destruction of our relationship. I kinda just stopped functioning.

I didn’t care about my work anymore, or how I appeared to the outside world. I didn’t want to see or speak to people. I was rude to everybody that I know, mostly living in my pain body and moving around with a dark cloud over my head. Still I didn’t stop snorting those lines. I didn’t want to associate the drugs with the pain I was experiencing in my life.

Of course by this time the drugs had stopped working – three lines of kat – enough to keep a horse wired for a day – would be as strong as a cup of tea. I would sit at home for days and days, not leaving my bubble, lost in a world of music, books and DVD’s, not wanting to face the world or anyone inside it… pretty pathetic, huh? Finally my money ran out and I started having to borrow money for drugs – then I ran out of friends to borrow from. Only then did I think of taking a break for a while. It didn’t last long – I was back on the drugs as soon as I had cash again.

I think the final straw was when my girlfriend left me. Then my dealer got arrested moments after I had just bought a few bags from him. This was starting to get nasty and I didn’t want to go to jail. I’ve never suffered from paranoia, but now I felt that the cops were onto me…

So finally I just quit. Just stopped. And haven’t touched the shit since then, and certainly don’t intend to. I got out of town and went to stay with some friends who didn’t even know that kat existed and wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole if they did. It wasn’t that hard really, in retrospect. I’ve had much harder times giving up other drugs in the past.

I did get sick, very sick like food poisoning, when my body finally got the message that I wasn’t getting any more. That seemed to help a lot. I felt better and had more energy immediately afterwards.

It’s only been a few months now. More sleep and good food than I’ve had in the past five years. Slowly I can feel my natural “joie de vivre” returning and most importantly, my sense of humour.

I don’t really have the desire to do any more drugs, which is a first for me. At most, I’ll have a beer or smoke a joint, but they just make me feel slow and de-motivated, so I might have to stop those as well.

It’s been like going to hell and back, but I have learned a lot from it. Now I am busy repairing the damage that I have done to my health, my business and all the relationships in my life. It’ll take a while, but at least I’ve made a start.

Khat

What is kat?

Methacathinone (α-methylamino-propiophenone), is a potent CNS stimulant and dopamine re-uptake inhibitor. It was first synthesized by German chemists in 1928, an imitation of the chemical found in the plant Catha Edulis, known all over North Africa as Khat or Qat. It was used in the Soviet Union during the 1930’s and 1940’s as an anti-depressant and was probably part of Hitler’s amphetamine diet during WW2.

In South Africa, it is mostly cooked up by bathroom chemists, some who are masters of their black art, and others who are making household drain cleaners available for commercial nasal consumption. As they say, the good shit is hard to find, so if you are on it, you’re probably snorting domestic cleaning products.

It stimulates the adrenal glands into a frenzy (fight or flight syndrome), leaving you feeling high, inspired and talkative when you’re on it, and the complete opposite when you’re not: low, unimaginative and dull.

It comes with all the usual signs of stimulant abuse: sweating, horniness, talkativeness, loss of appetite, feelings of euphoria, increased sense of empathy and extreme insomnia. The more long-term physical side effects include damage to your digestive system, endocrine system, sinuses, lungs and heart. Usage can cause depression, loss of sense of smell with nasal bleeding, inability to distinguish priorities, and complete sense of humour failure. Metaphysically, it blows shotgun holes through your aura.

My cure was to get out of my normal social environment, get out of town, breath fresh air, sleep loads and eat simple healthy food to get my energy levels back to normal. And of course, just stop snorting the shit! I suppose there had to be the desire for change first.

There’s no hectic cold turkey effect, you just might feel a bit dull, bored, uninspired and generally flat for a while, which is how many people go through their lives anyway.

Break the pattern of your addiction whatever you are on.
Life is much more real and meaningful when you’re not high all the time.

Eventually drugs make you boring, and that’s criminal.

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RESPONSES (20)
  1. Mr Brian Green says:

    Somalians chew this shit on London buses

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  2. Anonymous says:

    I can relate to this story entirely, I also came out of a situation like this a while ago. Good for you for seeing the truth. There’s nothing as boring as a drug addict.

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  3. Zardoz says:

    Simple fact: drugs don’t fuck you up: YOU fuck you up, by letting them take over your life.

    You, dude, are penitent, which is good. Let it be a lesson, and stay the hell off it, if your realisation has to be so blunt and unpleasant. You should have seen it coming, but your denial was just too deep. You, dude, are (or were) a Muppet.

    I’ve been taking drugs – coke & mdma – for 20 years. On weekends and occasionally – never more than two days in a row and NEVER at work or at the cost of normal life.

    Have I become another stereotypical junkie casualty? Have I fuck. I hold down my job, I’ve never had to steal, I haven’t lied, nor lost freinds or estranged my family. I remain a vital, interesting and level headed motherfucker and an active and involved member of society. I’ve lost some sleep, sure. Do the crime, do the time. Taking ownership of my life, being responsible and taking drugs are not and have never been mutually exclusive. You face facts and deal with them like an adult.

    Stories like this are why drugs are illegal: ignorant fuckwits screwing up their lives, freaking the rest of society out. Thank you very much.

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  4. Sibongile says:

    Wow, you’re so cool and awesome Zardoz. Do another line and go fuck yourself 🙂

    I wanna be just like you when I’m an old delirious douche.

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  5. Zardoz says:

    Not tonight, Bongi. This is one of my weekends off.

    Take a fucking moment to think about the larger issues that surround drug use darling, and you’ll realise the only way for drugs to be dealt with is by legalising them all and taking them out of the hands of organised crime (or for that matter the nasal cavities of people like the person who wrote this little paean to self abuse and redemption).

    You’re ignorant and reactionary. It’s OK – that can be remedied. Your piss-poor attitude on the other hand, well, that’s with you for life, sisi.

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  6. as it is says:

    Zardoz speaks more sense than anyone else here. Certain substances and activities are driven underground and into the hands of criminals because there are too many weak-minded fucks in the world who can’t control themselves and their impulses. The rest of us have to live with limited opportunity because you kiddies can’t drag yourselves out of adolescence. Of course when people have the balls to lay these facts in front of you, the response is that this must be uncool and sanctimonious. Freedom comes at a price, muppets, and if you can’t handle it then we have to make do with less. Grow the fuck up!

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  7. maaliq says:

    da sayin goes like dis “of da worlds population 95% are ZARDOZIAN, be dey mallgoths, fashionistas, techies, boring mudafukers as ZARDOZ, confesses to be, and is, coming suddenly to life on da weekend, ZARDOZ, is clearly safe for know living in da weekend surrounded by da hugs and half bakes, clearly clueless to denial factor, you can see it in his writing its paper thin, SIBONGILE was write on the button, pricking at the rite moment, almost got him dare, but wat douche bag fails to understand about the soppy little story opener, is that its actually about douche bag or somebody that was like him, read carefully again and see the warning signs ZARDOZ with ur watermelons under ur arms, the remaining 5% are absolute zombiefied drug addicts there is little hope for dem, either jail time, institution time, or six foot under, but miracles do happen, and the author is one of dem, he is an angel not muppet, as douche bag puts it,

    THESE ANGELS ARE A LIVING TESTAMENT DAT DRUGS ARE BAD BUT DARE VERY FEW OF DEM SO BE ON DA LOOK FOR ONE A BE IN AWE WEN ONE CROSSES YOUR PATH AGAIN DOUCHE BAG BE NICE DONT CALL ANGELS MUPPETS RITE KNOW YOU ARE ON A BLAK BAG BUZZ TO WARE AND FOR HOW LONG, AS U CAN SEE FROM THE STATS UR FUCKED DOUCHE BAG

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  8. Sibongile says:

    Zardoz, I love that you assume that I’m black. Racist junkie. Your mind has melted and what you are left with is a twisted view of reality. And sir, that WILL be stuck with you all your life. so will your racism.

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  9. Sibongile says:

    Hos, Maaliq, Hos!

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  10. Muerte says:

    This comment thread is weird.

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  11. Carol Reed says:

    This comment thread is about as weird as a night on Kat.

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  12. Sibongile says:

    Carol Reed is stupid, dumb line.

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  13. manam says:

    i really want to try this drug, now. but i’m also a bit worried. but it doesnt seem like the trade-off is that bad.

    i don’t take any drugs and feel like you felt during withdrawal.

    even when things get really bad. you just had a bad personality, which is what happens anyway, when people drink. you had a bad personality and a sore stomach, but you didn’t got to hospital.

    all i care about in my life is my creative work. i want to be successful faster than at the pace i’m going at.

    i am even ready to sever my relationships before hand.

    what was your ‘creative work’? how much did you accomplish on this drug?

    if you chew the herb, it can’t be that bad for you, i don’t think.

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  14. Notme says:

    Sibongile needs a fat line of Kat. Jesus.

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  15. snapper says:

    herb = khat
    chemicals = kat

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  16. @Sibongile says:

    You’re name is Sibongile, of course Zardoz thought you were black. Dumbass.

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  17. Anonymous says:

    It appears that Zardoz does not seem to be getting the point of this article. It does not once say don’t do drugs or all drug taking is bad. The writer is recounting a terrible few years they experienced by slowly being taken in by drugs, Yes maybe he is not as strong and clever as Zardoz and couldn’t handle drugs as amazingly but he is describing a story familiar to many and showing how easily it is to go down that route. It is a piece written to warn people of the potential effects of abuse. So no need to react so defensively, perhaps you aren’t as happy with your drug habits as you claim.

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  18. jazz beard says:

    anyone can fall into the trap of substance abuse, even level-headed intelligent people. sometimes the combo of substances and circumstances is just stronger than a human can handle. i’m lucky i didnt fall as deeply into the pit as this sucker writer.

    @zardoz no need to get all self-righteous about your own drug habit, the fact is that a lot of people fuck out on drugs, well done for being in the minority that keep t together. having said that, it’s certainly done nothing for your personality ; )

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  19. Anonymous says:

    @ jazz beard – well said

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  20. mega-douche says:

    not to be confused with ketamine, which makes you lekker zef!

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