BEST OF 2014 | Just An Average Durban Whiteboy In My Late 20sby Samora Chapman / 26.12.2014
Originally published on 25 April 2014
I’m just an average Durban whiteboy in my late 20s. I’m in Durban for the moment, but I’m actually heading to Cape Town or Jozi, or London. Or anywhere really. I’m in three different bands, and I’ve slept with everyone in all of them. I do a bit of cocaine, but only on weekends, and if someone else is buying.
Jokes. I only do natural drugs like Durban Poison ‘cos Jah made it.
The scene is so small. I know everybody by their nicknames. The scene is so small I notice it every time someone leaves. Every time someone leaves, a cold breeze howls and tumbleweeds blow through the Winston Pub.
I’m a ‘professional’ photographer. Kevin Goss-Ross liked one of my photos once. When I get a lot of likes on Facebook, I feel like a better person.
I dress in boots and denim, even when it’s 30 degrees, ‘cos I’m cool like that. If I dress like I live in London or LA, maybe Durban will seem less backwater.
I surf. I have a spiritual connection with the ocean. If I don’t get to surf, I sometimes turn into a werewolf and hurt all those around me. Even the ones I love. My boss still doesn’t understand this.
I sometimes shop at the clothe-piles in the city or on Grey Street, but mostly I shop at Mr Price. I’m actually employed by Mr Price, so I get discount. All my friends are also employed by Mr Price.
I hate Mr Price.
I sometimes go walking about the city taking photos of the poor and suffering. I write stories about ‘them’ which I sell for money. I seldom do anything real to help the underprivileged and dispossessed.
I always wish I had more. Of everything.
I drive a blue Honda Ballade that my granny gave me. It keeps breaking down and I complain about it all the time. Even though I got it free and don’t pay the insurance.
I pretend to buy my rotis from Johnny’s in the ‘hood, but I actually get them from House Of Curries on Florida Road. It’s so embarrassing when my Cape Town friends take selfies with Bunny Chows.
I’m kind-of friends with Bob Perfect. I even have his personal cell phone number, although he never picks up or returns my calls.
Durban Is Mine.
I always wish Durban was better than it is. Even though it’s fucking awesome. Every time I leave, I miss it so much I have to come back… home.