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Cold Turkey

Ice Cold Chicken

by Roger Young, images JR Onyangunga / 15.04.2011

“White chicks are flimsy,” she says to the Jewish kid with the hickey. He’s glowing in the late afternoon sun. “That’s my girl there,” he indicates down past the braais and garden furniture to the caramel girl with dreadlocks, ass dropping to the bass heavy beats on the dancefloor. This other girl, big in every sense of the word, personality, height, breasts, braids (well, big as in a lot but skinny) looks at him and says, “Yeah, she’s fucking hot.” Her frizzy-haired friend says, “Yo, I know plenty of flimsy black chicks.” The Jewish kid says, “Anyone got any marijuana?” Frizzy looks back at him and me, “Ja, let’s find some weed.” The big girl says, “Let’s smoke marijuana and fuck”. And they disappear into the ageless swirls of bass heads, dreads, rockers, posers, activists, stoners, jazz freaks, all heading toward either the pool table or a conversation about a collaboration or the bar or the dance floor or a boy or a girl but all with youthful hope for some kind of bliss.

Cold Turkey started the day after Christmas last year as a once off thing for people who had nowhere to go on the day and, in four short months, has grown into a chilled post weekend intersection of the hard partying aspects of many of Cape Town’s disparate social scenes. It starts off early, like 3-ish, every second Sunday at the District Six Café at the outer edge of the city proper. You come down from the Parade and walk past some of the low rent upstairs hotel dwellers sitting on the pavement (they will either be fighting or bumming cigarettes from you later). You enter through a small-ish bar area, past some couches and a pool table and then out into a large outside terraced area that looks like the ultimate rockery from a seventies sitcom set in Randpark Ridge. Braais are cooking up on the top level while down by the once bar DJ’s pump out bass heavy but chilled anything from dubstep to trip hop.

Cold Turkey

Mwah! Love your work

Two guys with Kid ‘n Play lite hair are standing under an umbrella, leaning back and surveying this dude who’s trying to start up the dance floor. “We could do a National Geographic on this shit,” says the one guy as the dance floor guy flaps his arms and attempts to fill up space. “Yeah man, like, the white man out of his depth in the jungle.” Suddenly the music steps over to some kind of glitch, the dance floor dude goes low. “Yoh!” says guy number one. “He’s actually doing pretty well, let’s cheer a brother on.” But they wander off to the braais to see if their meat is done. Up near the top back garden where the greying activists stand in circles with their children, Fuzzy Slippers and Big Space are watching a semi-naked man climb through a window of the hotel and down toward the party. I wander out front to buy airtime to respond to a booty (hopefully) call me and get in a conversation about the universe providing with the Rasta in the spaza. It’s disjointed and beautiful; this whole thing.

“Please don’t write about us” says Il Duce, one of Cold Turkey’s initiators, “This scene is so chilled but you know, not really defined and if you write about it might sound lame. And that might make it lame.”
“Buy me a quart and we’re all good,” I say. But she can only get me a Castle because it’s nearly sunset and the Label always runs out early at Cold Turks. This is generally the moment when people start to hanker after weed. I never know why they come after me. Whether it’s the general relaxed cross scene post party whatever headspace or some kind of legacy of D6 itself, Cold Turk’s music selection is as diverse as its patrons. It can veer from dubstep to S’gubu, electroclash to glitch; the DJ’s  (Blotchy and  RebelClef are the residents but Cold Turkey has featured Ninja Tunes’ Ghislain Poirier, Ruckspin, 7ft Soundsystem, Remy Gold, Funafuji, Ish, Card on Spokes, Mix n Blend, Miss H, Hyphen, Richard the Third, Dank and Fletcher) generally have more freedom to play a more varied set than they’re used to. The pre sunset sets are generally downtempo but when the dark kicks in it gets messy.

Cold Turkey

Funafuji rocks the 1s and 2s

When the braais have died out, the weed has been found and everyone has settled for Castle, the dance floor becomes the focus. Lit, if at all, only by streetlight and reflections of the bread shaped building opposite, shit starts to get deep. The networking and the flirting has stopped, kids are hooking up, Audiophile is laying down some knee breaking bass and we’re all dancing. Someone has discovered that there is no shot glass and the tequila’s are big and flowing. The toilet queue in the back room area is a friendly mess of conversation and missed connections. I hand someone cash to get me a beer, I can’t be arsed to leave the floor, I need to keep my ass low and my hands up, preferably with a quart in one of them. He comes back, “They out of beer! There’s only vodka at the bar.” It’s like a standard signal, Cold Turks is winding down, it must be near nine o’clock. It’s Sunday, it’s time to head out. I see Marijuana-and-Fuck girl outside and try get her into a taxi, the Frizzy one pulls her away. I drive off into the night shouting, “Fuck you, I’m going home to masturbate to pictures of Ndebele girls making pottery”.

Cold Turkey

Now we know what really happened to Milli Vanilli. They're in Cape Town and one of em has had a haircut

Cold Turkey

Magnum hand spasm, or is that a gang sign for the Bergvliet Boys?

Cold Turkey

Are they out of control dingleberries? Nope it's the new crustafarian built-in dreads and hoodie combo. Soon everyones gonna be wearing these.

Cold Turkey

Please don't leave me here with all these black people

Cold Turkey

You can have as many white hipsters in the jol, but as long as you've got a guy like him propping up the bar, your gig is ghetto.

Cold Turkey

That guy who, no matter what he says, you just never believe him

Cold Turkey

Blue Steel meets Hout Bay goofball

Cold Turkey

Hey bru, this one time in Malawi…

Cold Turkey

A gastric wind blows the hair back

Cold Turkey

Black Jews and Tattoos

Cold Turkey

Don't look now but you're standing next to a giant black man! The quart in his hand looks like a dumpy

Cold Turkey

This picture is like tapping into Nelson Mandela's dreams on Robben Island

Cold Turkey

While you're all busy posing you're about to be eaten by Igor back left

Cold Turkey

Look into my eyes, not around my eyes, into my eyes. Ok you're under…

Cold Turkey

The Urkelization of street fashion is well underway!

Cold Turkey

Nothing better than a BIG hot boerie... Stop it Felicia, I like it!

Cold Turkey

That old familiar thing of three white women laughing and a black man struggling to explain himself

*All images © JR Onyangunga.

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RESPONSES (21)
  1. Eponymous says:

    That black woman in the second picture belongs on we-are-awful.co.za

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  2. Pia Presha says:

    why does Cape Town look so fun when in Mahala but not in real life?

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  3. safiyya says:

    big up cold turks! nothing else like this in cape town.

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  4. Andy says:

    You just need a good guide Pia… it’s not all Camps Bay, Sushi, Chardonnay!

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  5. Moose says:

    enough with the snarky captions. why drag a good article into bitchiness?

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  6. Nkululeko says:

    Funafuji for the win!

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  7. James Klopper says:

    Naked Ndebele girls making pottery!

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  8. montle says:

    roger gets more black pussy than white guys with dreadlocks yo!

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  9. tina g says:

    I’m with moose. captions sound like john vlismas doing that old cape towm diss again. and again. and again.

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  10. Vote for Pedrobear says:

    Caption dissing is one thing, but why throw in a dozen unnecessary racial comments in order to review an event?

    Tacky.

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  11. Roger Young says:

    Racial comments? On the captions or in the story?

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  12. Vote for Pedrobear says:

    -White chicks are flimsy
    -Yo, I know plenty of flimsy black chicks
    – the white man out of his depth in the jungle
    – masturbate to pictures of Ndebele girls making pottery
    – Please don’t leave me here with all these black people
    – You can have as many white hipsters in the jol
    – Black Jews and Tattoos
    – you’re standing next to a giant black man
    – three white women laughing and a black man

    Some are quotes, some are captions – I can understand one or two (I mean the pottery joke is pretty funny) but I don’t think thats where the focus should be.

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  13. Roger Young says:

    It’s not the focus but you know, in the quotes it’s how people speak and it’s actually all pretty light hearted banter, embracing differences, taking back words and all that. But I do think some of the captions verged on um, out of touch perhaps?

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  14. Vote for Pedrobear says:

    Needs smileys, I guess 🙂

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  15. DR Pachanga says:

    Huge fan Dodge Young

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  16. Rebel Clef says:

    Great article man… Very gonzo.. Now we just need Ralph Steadman to do some illustrating. Mad proud of the heights this turkey has sored to… Shows you what action over idle ideas can do…

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  17. TakinLightly says:

    The first comment is so mean and unnecessary… Eponymous, you are a dumb, stupid fool with nothing relevant to say… keep your dead comments to yourself

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  18. Anonymous says:

    girl in second pic can get it while we rub on Eponymous mother’s tits that we found on awful.co.za.

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  19. James Matthes says:

    Awesome party, loving what peeps in the scene are doing. About time, think last sunday party I enjoyed was above fiction when Grandt mason and Quake were putting rad vibes together up there…See you all Sunday….BOOM

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  20. Anonymous says:

    The people that go to this are really scummy. They may say things like ‘big ups’ and other pseudo afro-merican stuff. Avoid.

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