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Valentines Day

Cardboard Clichés

by Nathan Casey / 14.02.2011

Forget the grumbles about it being a commercial, money-making gimmick, Valentine’s Day is a day contrived to let men without a romantic bone in their bodies off the hook. Their significant others go an entire year without flowers, chocolates, candlelit dinners or picnics in the sunshine. They are never served sausages and hashbrowns in bed, let alone taken on a sunset cruise with champagne and hors d’oeuvres.

But on Valentine’s Day it all changes. Not because society expects it and wrestles their will into submission, but because these men know that if they perform even the most menial of romantic gestures on this day, all their past unromantic actions will be ignored and absolved.

Their only penance for this inconsiderate, insensitive behaviour is a bit of extra dosh on the daisies and maybe the hassle of having to make a restaurant reservation in advance. They slouch off to the CNA and pick from a plethora of recycled sentiments, neatly packaged in plasticky paper.

The Valentine’s Day Big Spender, for the next 364 days, will be the man who insists on Saw 3D over Shakespeare in Love, chooses beers with his mates over cuddles on the couch, and – the most unforgiveable of relationship sins – leaves the toilet seat up.

But this is not all the Y chromosome’s fault. Women are just as much to blame for allowing men to become so pathetically apathetic. If they insisted on something more from the boorish oafs they spent all their time getting dolled up for, things might be different.

On bended knees my wallet begs me to be more than one of these men; to make a stand against society and, in a grand statement, turn every other day into one of thoughtfulness and surprise.
“Make romance the rule, not the exception,” my wallet rails.

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RESPONSES (4)
  1. Champanzee says:

    Nice lead photo. Has Roger lost some weight…? The Walrus has been awefully silent of late

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  2. K says:

    It’s not only men who are unromantic, there are some pretty emotionally-devoid women out there too.

    And if I were the recipient of a tacky CNA gift on Valentine’s Day from an unromantic partner I think it’d be met with effortless silence rather than appreciation because I’d know there are many other ways my partner expresses love that are greater than a gift. And if your loved one doesn’t then clearly the writing’s on the wall and no annual cheesey teddy bear’s going to make up for that.

    Fuck Valentine’s Day.

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Lingerie is the gift that keeps on giving…and makes me keep on wanting to give.

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  4. gene fout says:

    “If they insisted on something more from the boorish oafs they spent all their time getting dolled up for, things might be different.” Well said.

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