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Can’t Buy Me Likes

by Dave Scott / 23.08.2012

Man, people are weird. No matter where I go, people seem to keep telling me ‘LIKE MY PAGE’ or ‘FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER’. Even at live gigs, it seems to be the norm for the band leader to say at the end of their show ‘Thanks for coming to our show. Remember to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!’ As soon as they say that, I think ‘amateur’. If I like their music, I’ll go find them all on my own.

Imagine you’re just walking down the road and some dude comes up to you and says ‘hey dude! I’m awesome! Hey man, seriously. I’m awesome! Like me! Like me! I’ll give you an iPad! I’m kif!’ You’d think the guy was a freakin’ retard. It’s actually gotten so bad that these days that you can actually buy Facebook Likes and Twitter Followers. What makes it even worse is that most of these people aren’t even real! Madness. It’s like buying cardboard cutouts of people and putting them in your house and then prancing around saying ‘yoh I’m so popular! I got lots of friends. Awesome!’ You don’t have friends. You’re just a creepy, lonely, crazy guy.

It also seems to be quite popular for pages to say ‘LIKE THIS PAGE AND WIN AN iPAD!’. If someone randomly came up to you and said, ‘hey if you follow me down this dark alley I’ll maybe give you an iPad’. Would you follow them? Yes you say? You’re an idiot. And you deserve to get shanked and robbed. And if you’re the one giving away iPads, yes you might get more likes on your page, but that certainly doesn’t mean that people like you, they like the iPad. You’re basically the kid with a lot of ‘friends’ because you give away free sweets. Or the dude with the pork chop around his neck so the dog will play with him.

This is the moment in the story where you go: ‘I have no idea what BodyLogicMD is but let me like their page so I can get that iPad.’

Chances are, you’re a nice person. But I’m afraid as soon as you start advertising how nice you are, people think the opposite. We just start to think you’re self-obsessed, crazy or have something to hide. Call it a deeply ingrained social cynicism. So why would you want to tell people to like/follow you on your social network pages if you don’t do that on the street? Social media mirrors our real world relationships. It works best when you just keep it real. If you want more likes do more good shit. People will find it, like it and follow it. Buying likes or followers is probably the stupidest thing you can do. Especially considering that those people with real social media followings will always be looking to expose competitors who’ve bulked up their numbers falsely. The truth will out and you, your brand or your band, will end up looking like the creepy, sad, lonely stalker-guy that you really are.

Now please remember to ‘LIKE’ this post.

*Follow Dave at The Kiffness.

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