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Cant Buy Me Likes

Can’t Buy Me Likes

by Dave Scott / 23.08.2012

Man, people are weird. No matter where I go, people seem to keep telling me ‘LIKE MY PAGE’ or ‘FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER’. Even at live gigs, it seems to be the norm for the band leader to say at the end of their show ‘Thanks for coming to our show. Remember to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!’ As soon as they say that, I think ‘amateur’. If I like their music, I’ll go find them all on my own.

Imagine you’re just walking down the road and some dude comes up to you and says ‘hey dude! I’m awesome! Hey man, seriously. I’m awesome! Like me! Like me! I’ll give you an iPad! I’m kif!’ You’d think the guy was a freakin’ retard. It’s actually gotten so bad that these days that you can actually buy Facebook Likes and Twitter Followers. What makes it even worse is that most of these people aren’t even real! Madness. It’s like buying cardboard cutouts of people and putting them in your house and then prancing around saying ‘yoh I’m so popular! I got lots of friends. Awesome!’ You don’t have friends. You’re just a creepy, lonely, crazy guy.

It also seems to be quite popular for pages to say ‘LIKE THIS PAGE AND WIN AN iPAD!’. If someone randomly came up to you and said, ‘hey if you follow me down this dark alley I’ll maybe give you an iPad’. Would you follow them? Yes you say? You’re an idiot. And you deserve to get shanked and robbed. And if you’re the one giving away iPads, yes you might get more likes on your page, but that certainly doesn’t mean that people like you, they like the iPad. You’re basically the kid with a lot of ‘friends’ because you give away free sweets. Or the dude with the pork chop around his neck so the dog will play with him.

This is the moment in the story where you go: ‘I have no idea what BodyLogicMD is but let me like their page so I can get that iPad.’

Chances are, you’re a nice person. But I’m afraid as soon as you start advertising how nice you are, people think the opposite. We just start to think you’re self-obsessed, crazy or have something to hide. Call it a deeply ingrained social cynicism. So why would you want to tell people to like/follow you on your social network pages if you don’t do that on the street? Social media mirrors our real world relationships. It works best when you just keep it real. If you want more likes do more good shit. People will find it, like it and follow it. Buying likes or followers is probably the stupidest thing you can do. Especially considering that those people with real social media followings will always be looking to expose competitors who’ve bulked up their numbers falsely. The truth will out and you, your brand or your band, will end up looking like the creepy, sad, lonely stalker-guy that you really are.

Now please remember to ‘LIKE’ this post.

*Follow Dave at The Kiffness.

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  1. kak says:

    No mention of the Barry Tuck/Kirsty Basset/Gorilla fake follow fiasco. No like.

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  2. genrebender says:

    The tone of this piece is almost as cynical and condescending as the social media practices that it targets.

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  3. Mike says:

    “Can’t buy me loooooooooove, can’t buy me loooooooooooove, but money can buy me likes”

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  4. Dave says:

    Yoh yoh yoh, it actually looks like a real piece of writing now! Whoever reworked it, you are flippen hilarious.

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  5. Andy says:

    It’s not just the Gorillas on their social media. You should check out Skrillex and all those electro DJ types like DeadMau5 – they’re all guilty of pumping up their Likes on FB…

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  6. Rafen says:


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  7. zo says:

    You do understand that the ‘Like’ button isn’t really about liking anything but a marketing tool kinda like cheap tv shows produced to dupe you into tuning in for the real programming which is in fact the Ads.
    This kind of manipulation is driven by the completely inane idea of internet advertising which is obsessed with measuring page impressions as some sort of quantifiable scale of successful advertising. Adblock + that shit and you have a pretty stupid Return on Investment.
    A band with bought likes isn’t trying to be popular, they instead want to say their have a measurable impact for their corporate sponsors, festival invites and radio presence.
    You might have just taken the words ‘like’ and ‘follow’ too literally. They are infact just tools, not emotional requests.

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  8. andy dick says:

    oooh skrillex andy. you’re so down with the kids.

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