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Shabba Ranks

Boom Bye Bye

by Montle Moorosi / 20.01.2011

The place is Haiti sometime during the early 90’s at a dinner party held at the house of an esteemed Haitan gentleman and his various friends. The party was a success by most carribean standards. The jerk chicken was crispy on the outside but soft on the inside, the couscous had an extravagant lemon zest to it and the rum was sweet and free. But the DJ at the party had a strange sense of humour or a point to get across.

“Boom bye bye in a batty boy head!” Blared through the speakers, a lot of people were nodding their heads and some broke into improptu dance numbers.
One party goer, a Jamaican then asked the person next to them dancing “do you know what they’re saying in this song?”
“What? I love this song though.” Said the punter in pink leather tights and a leopard print vest.
“He’s saying they should kill all the gays… by shooting them in the head.” The informed Jamaican woman said. Everyone at the party was gay. Little did 18 year Mark Anthony Myrie (also known as Buju Banton) know that this anti-gay song he wrote when he was only 15 would simultaneously propel him to stardom and near commercial destruction. This long before that thing with the 5 kilo bag of cocaine in Florida.

African and Caribbean attitudes towards homosexuals have always been nothing short of incendiary. It’s a line of thinking that borders on a hate crime. In Malawi you could get 15 years in jail for loving the taste of testes, and in Jamaica gay pride rallies are non-existant, for fear of being met by angry mobs wielding cricket bats, chains and set to a soundtrack by dancehall and reggae heavyweights like Shabba Ranks and Capleton. The reasons behind the homophobia are most often pinned on passages from the bible. They cite homosexuality as “a sin in the eyes of God” or my personal favourite a “Western construct”. According to this logic being gay is antithetical to being “African”. This of course is usually corroborated by piles of pseudo-evidence indicting Freddy Mecury, George Michael, Michael Jackson, Boy George and the occasional reference to Mandela being a “groot, ou 28” from his long stint in jail. The acclaimed sangoma and African conspiracy theorist, Credo Mutwa once told David Icke in an interview that he is embarrassed and ashamed about being bisexual. In fact he blames his bisexuality on aliens, the lizard people known to conspiracists as the Chitauri, that abducted him in 1958 in Rhodesia and raped him.
“Can you believe it Mr. David? Me an African man?” Said Credo with his pudgy, dark cheeks sagging to the floor.

But wasn’t great king Shaka rumoured to prefer the company of men? And weren’t some of the Egyptian pharaohs gay? With all that eye make-up they sure look a bit gay. My dear friend Jean Rene Onyangunga doesn’t look gay a lot of the time, unless he wants to, but he isn’t actually homosexual. He worked at Madame Zingara’s, a posh arty circus themed restaurant, where all the waiters are required to put on a show to earn their tips. He chose to dress in drag as his “stage” outfit in order to get more tips and perpetuate that old minstrel image so many consumers love at Melrose Arch. I think his waitress name was “Mavis”. Anyway, so one day after a long hard day’s work at the circus, Mavis really wanted to get a drink after his shift. He didn’t go home to change into Jean Rene clothes, and ended up at the Bassline on a Thursday night, which is a dancehall and reggae night.

“Howzit okes!” Jean Rene said staggering up to the bouncers at the door, his pink skirt ripped and slightly hiked up from sitting in a weird position in a overcrowded Toyota Tazz.
“No batty man allowed!” Said the bouncer.
“Sorry?”
“NO BATTY MAN!” The bouncer said pointing his finger at Jean Rene. JR then started laughing.
“My man, I’m not a batty boy. As you can see I’m here with three girls.”
“You can’t come in my man.”
“I’m not a batty boy, I have to wear this where I work. Look at these girls I’m with. I’m not gay!”
The bouncer looked him up and down. “Then go home and change, then you can come in… batty boy!”

Jean Rene didn’t go home to change, he went to the car, took off his dress and simply wore one of the girls’ tiny yellow cardigans and his boxer shorts. They then let him in, even though he looked far gayer than he did before with his torn pink dress hiked up over his hairy cock like thighs.

Mavis and Friend

As the days go by I have become more conflicted. I love dancehall and reggae and a lot of my friends are hardline Rastafarians who talk about “slewing de chi chi man dem” as much as they talk about black consciousness and smoking beedies. But at the same time I also have a lot of gay friends. What I am certain about is that the censoring of homophobic dancehall and reggae artists is bullshit. Vybz Kartel is one of the worlds biggest dancehall artists at the moment and his music is loved in America, yet they wont let him perform there because of his homophobic sentiments, just like they did with Shabba Ranks when he stated the same views in a television interview and soon watched his international career get flushed down the toilet. Banning someone’s creative expression, no matter how repugnant the views they espouse, is never going to resolve an issue like the systemic and entrenched Afro-Caribbean homophobia. In fact, it’s far more likely to polarise and radicalise their position. If you don’t like the lyrics in their songs, then don’t listen to the music. Thing is, I see gay people dancing to Beenie man all the time, just like women dance to rap music that constantly calls them bitches and ho’s. Shabba Ranks eventually apologised for his homophobic remarks and said that he eventually saw that it was not his business to care where other people stick their cocks, but, for his career, it was too little too late.

So the question I have is can’t we all just get down to the music in peace with one another, while disagreeing with each others’ “disgusting” beliefs? It would all be much simpler if humans realized that we’re all scum bag pieces of shit anyway.

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RESPONSES (25)
  1. montle says:

    emmmm…ghost in the machine…i didnt spell VYBZ KARTEL LIKE kaertel…its KARTEL…DONT GET ME MURDERED.

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  2. anothergayboy says:

    Reggae is wonderful….BUT the homophobic thing does my head in! Rastafarians need to catch a BIG WAKE UP! They are not gonna get me to back their call to ‘legalise it’ until they show CLEAR AND UNAMBIGUOUS SUPPORT FOR GAY EQUALITY.

    until then BAN DAGGA and INCREASE THE FINES!

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  3. Andy says:

    you did, but i’m a fix it.

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  4. steve kekana says:

    why should they ban “dagga”? its got nothing to do with buggering..

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  5. inbred with madonna says:

    Hey Montle, this stuff must really matter to you, like it’s a seeeriyass fucking issue this time around? No irony, no sarcasm, no stomach-churning analogies and verbal gross-fests?

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  6. anonymous says:

    fucking misogynists as well

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  7. snapper says:

    rastafarianism is a pretty sexually conservative culture – i hear they don’t do oral either (da prophet speak with his mouth)

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  8. Anonymous says:

    i will neva fuck a batty and I will never suck a pussy – sizzla

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  9. montle says:

    i must admit..i suck pussy

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  10. montle says:

    inbred madonna…just goes to prove i can write whatever the fuck i like..this pen is my whore and i’m the pimp…and no you cant borrow her.

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  11. Doobie Doo says:

    Montle jesus man… nice piece but then you go and jump up here on the message boards and make yourself look like a douche

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  12. Chitauristepchild says:

    such a cool article until the batty boy outside the club story, then ranking a bit

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  13. Nicky greenwall says:

    montle is a douche..with dread lock pubes

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  14. last word says:

    “It would all be much simpler if humans realized that we’re all scum bag pieces of shit anyway.”

    … right on Montle, right on.

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  15. Tim says:

    Fuck I love Montles writing and I’m glad they are using him again. I aked Andy a few months back if he could get montle on another job and he said he was sick of paying and getting fuck all out of the deal. So change of mind Andy? This guy rocks cock. But Montle dude serious stick to being a dick cause caring is a bad colour on you.

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  16. Doctor L. says:

    The man is simply a force. A movement. I’ve been living in Oslo with a bereaved painter’s widow for the past year, but nothing has made me yearn for Johannesburg as much this sad, gifted man’s writings. I want to come home and consort with the black artfags I inexplicably missed, now. Big up Montle. Even though you’re a ‘soft little faggot who wants to save the world’ in inside, you dress it superbly, sir.

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  17. Doctor L. says:

    Fuck, I’m sauced. Forget everything but the good stuff.

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  18. Andy says:

    Come home Dr L…

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  19. Montle Giovanni says:

    maybe you should all come to my house for dinner, eat my faeces and fuck my alsatian..”achilles”.
    . my rent is R2800..its cheap..but can you guess how much i earn?

    I have a massive cut on my knee, i cant afford mecurochrome…i just let the dog lick the wound and pray for a steady recovery. thats how i’m living.

    the readers of this site are just like those shots of the fans you see at the cricket..fridgid,stiff,siff,miff south africa. A country which actually let itself be run by people who call themselves “boers”, and now its boerewors?

    HAS ANDY TOLD YOU THAT AFTER MY NEXT ARTICLE IM LEAVING MAHALA AGAIN? HE SEEMS TO TALK ALOT..BUT DID HE TELL YOU THAT?

    P.S MAHALA T-SHIRTS ARE MADE CHILD LABOUR.

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  20. Doctor L. says:

    I just felt my head expand. Quite literally. No, I haven’t lost the beads on my abacus, but the man set next to me seems to have a banana tree growing out of his back. Imagine such trouble! Furthermore: it seems the Nordic woman to my left has left a haunt on my upper lip. I find it impossible to resist her. Even as she’s smoking now, the wretched wench. Arms so thin its like god splintered a Baobab into chopsticks. If only she’d hit me or hold me. She’s my fiance, but hates me. Which makes perfect sense. The sea of my mind is growing much too large.

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  21. Tim says:

    @Montle – I feel you man, slave labour T shirts won’t feed the children. But no Andy aint said shit about you leaving, just a few months ago was saying that he was sick of funding yo ass and not getting the goods, whatever that means cause your articles always get good responses here. Andy lets get Montle out of poverty man, get him some more work.

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  22. Tim says:

    Oh and lets get him some damn antiseptic and shit cause I’m sure the dog licking that shit can’t be too good. Oh @ Montle – The answer aint Mercurochrome bruv, I heard that shit got mercury in it – you probably better off with the dog.

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  23. Kontlap says:

    hey Montle…saw u marinating testes on Saturday.

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  24. Samuel Kestu says:

    I doubt that Vybz Kartel was unable to get a visa to perform in the U.S. because of his homophobic views.

    Buju Banton, Beenie Man and Capleton all toured freely in the U.S. in 2009. Beenie Man and Capleton toured in 2010. So far in 2011, only Capleton has toured the U.S.

    Near the end of March 2010, the U.S. visas of Beenie Man, Bounty Killer, Mavado, Adonia and Ricky Trooper were canceled. No reason was given. But this was near the time that Christopher Dudley Coke was extradited to the U.S.

    Mavado has just gotten his passport back and has obtained a U.S. visa to enter the U.S. Mavado is scheduled to perform in the U.S. on September 4th, 2011 in Queens, NY.

    U.S. work visas can be denied for legal problems in a performer’s home country and for other reasons.

    In September 2010, Vybz Kartel signed a Reggae Compassionate Act agreement, promising not to promote hatred and violence. When Vybz Kartel can get a visa to perform in the U.S., he won’t be opposed by Stop Murder Music activists.

    Anyway, your idea that Vybz Kartel was prevented from performing in the U.S. due to his homophobic views is proven wrong by all the other intensely homophobic performers from Jamaica who have performed in 2009, 2010 and 2011.

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  25. Jamaican says:

    More fiyah for dem bumbaclot batty bwoy

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